the tree of my dreams.

i have wrote many times of my recurring dreams of Phoenix years and years before he arrived.
many times the boy in my dreams sat underneath a large tree.
i knew the tree in my dreams was had red leaves, and i can not explain it, but i knew it was an Oak tree.
when i moved to my new house there was a large tree in our back yard. i didnt know what kind of tree it was. Phoenix has sat underneath this tree for so many hours, playing and digging in the dirt.
i knew i needed to find out what kind of tree this in my yard.
i sent a leaf picture to a tree expert my daddy. my daddy can name any tree. he helped me and my sister pass biology call with our leaf project.
here the email to my daddy
>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>

looks like a red oak to me

----- Original Message -----

From: shelly brown

To:

Sent: Saturday, October 30, 2010 11:47 AM

Subject: my pics

hey daddy, i just posted some some new pictures on facebook. in those pictures their is a pic of a leaf that belongs to a tree in my backyard. please tell me what kind of tree you think it might be. thank you love you. Always shelly

my life with my son keeps getting more and more mystical. on the other hand, i get depressed and lonely. Phoenix has Autism. and it sucks. plain and simple. i can not explain how
challenging it is to raise a crystal child.
crazy some will say.
i have to find a place for phoenix in the ordinary world.
i wish he just fit. but he was never brought into this world to just fit... he and the other autistic crystal children, will make the world fit them. a path to accenting
his silence, my words i can not teach you.
remember my words. long ago forgotten.

the dark crystal

we are approaching Halloween. with this Phoenix is having a Sensory Flare. maybe just a coincidence .
although my first magickal lesson was, There are no coincidences in this world.

yesterday was a bad day for Phoenix his teacher told me.
the class was very excited to be celebrating Halloween with a costume Party.. which, i absolutely think is Fantastic. i guess the energy of the excitement was an overload for him. which i want to switch overload to Flare. it makes more sense to me.
the halloween song that the class and him sang all week drove Phoenix into a sensory Flare. he could not tolerate the song on party day. the only thing that had changed was the excitement of the Party.
he started screaming and covering his ears. was Phoenix in Pain? i dont know.
He had a difficult day, he didnt even take a nap. he was up from 7am until 10pm. that's a lot for a three year old.
Phoenix was very glad to see me at the end of the day. His Sensory Flare caused him to go into a dark crystal child. i know this is probably never been written about. Mostly you read about how crystal children are sweet little angels. blessing All that come around them. and all the happy bunny energy.
not my Phoenix. i know its crazy but its true.
when Phoenix is experiencing a sensory Flare, his little body cant handle the immense energy surging through his body. I believe he acts out through covering his ears, and melting down. to protect himself, he reacts through his dark energy.
where Phoenix is Dark, Phoenix is Light.
he knows both of those realms intensely
what i must do for my Phoenix is to teach him how to make energy flow.
everyday though, as soon as he walks in the door from school, he takes his shoes off, and rips his socks off. he then kisses his feet.

maybe this is how he deals with his excessive energy, he already knows how to ground himself. he just cant take his shoes off at school.

Mutant X....

I have been thinking about this post for sometime.
Phoenix, ahhhh, my sweet but not so sweet boy. ( thats up next)
I would like to write to you about what i have come to realize could be the next generation of humans. Autism is spreading like a wildfire through California. would i dare say we humans are evolving. can you tell, i cant get this off my brain. i wish you could see what i see.
could we be watching evolution right before our eyes? how many people are putting on blindfolds to this?
we would be fools to think humans are done evolving. FOOLS i tell you.

yesterday, i went to the meeting to get Phoenix's private speech therapy in motion. I dont have patience with the school system. and I believe we are about to hire one of the best speech therapist on the east coast. i do not believe she even knows it yet. what sets this speech therapist apart is her Intense Presence I mean INTENSE! you have to Dominate these crystal children. if you have never met a crystal child, they act like supreme beings. crystal children, just Know. and they think we just Know. some of us do not.

Phoenix has to be in control of every situation, all day and all night. Even his teachers conform to Phoenix. i witnessed it for myself this morning, his teacher tried to take his coat off. WHOA! Phoenix ripped her up, meaning, he let out a NO, and i watched his eyes turn from brown with deep black speckles, to deep black. both of his eyes turned into the color of the black speckles. the teacher just backed off and threw her hands up and back up two steps . he literally made her back off him, with one NO and one look.

back to yesterday, my meeting about speech therapy. i met with someone from Phoenix's early intervention team. as well, if you are a reader. Phoenix is SUPER sensitive . i have just come to accept this about him. His human senses are Hyper. Hypersensitivity is as mentioned on my previous post.
anyway, i was discussing how off the charts Phoenix's sensory issues have been lately. and i was talking to her about him covering up his ears when he hears certain sounds.
she actually said to me.. " you know he can hear things that we can not " What? i said to her "Really" she was totally confirming his hyper hearing. She has worked with Phoenix since he was two years old. and as been in this field for 30 years. SO, i believe her. Phoenix just hears things differently than we do.
but again, back to Evolution. Just think about what i have written about. and Phoenix is among 1000's that hear differently or hear things we do not.
theorist want to link autism to pollutants, environmental changes, vaccines, just to name a few.
i do not know what the answer is to this. but haven't frogs mutated from living in polluted water?
just asking?
anything is possible.
Are Phoenix and other Autistic crystal children mutations? my Phoenix can not talk well. he has a speech delay. but where he has this speech delay, he has made up for it, in hearing, and his eye sight. among other areas of his sensory.
I know his sense of touch has always been a little off. FluFFY. (in the search bar type in fluffy for more information on Phoenix's touch sensory)
Smell. I dont know yet.
taste. he likes plain vegetables. his favorite dinner is peas, second lima beans. he has the kiddie plants with the three divisions for food. on the biggest section of the plate, belongs to his vegetables not meat. in the other sections usually a banana, and i try to get him to eat meat, and he is not doing well eating meat. always plain pasta and plain rice.
i supplement him with a vitamin.

before our eyes we are watching Mutants right before eyes.

the spiritual sense. is this sense also HYPER?
things are happening around me. and around me is Phoenix.
who would believe this?

Mutant X..
the new humans......
their all around us.

baby steps Big Steps

part 1
my heart and soul feels like its getting stomped on right now. the seasons are changing to the dark time of year. and its hurts me physically, emotionally and most of all spiritually. but spiritually speaking its not that spiritual side of me, that shiney glitter glow of spring that radiates from me.. again here comes the dark. the dark side of my spiritual being, the sadness that comes with death of summer. Fall.
I live in the valley of the mountains. right in the middle. the lowest point in the area that i live. so, i watch the slow death of summer right before my eyes with the changing of the leaves.
i believe a lot has happened since the last time i stopped by here in my little piece of the Internet.
Phoenix, which he is the reason you landed on this page.
I learned something new about Phoenix's sensory issues, something i never imagined for the life of me.
Let me begin with saying, Phoenix one day started covering his ears when something he heard bothered him. it took me a long month for the reason to come to me. I am sorry sometimes i just dont get it. but never mind that.
i knew Phoenix has sensory issues. but i did not know what to expect with sensory issues. he plays with his fluffy and rubs it between his finger. His skin is super sensitive. i thought that was apart of his sensory too. he constantly has dry skin, especially now with the seasons changing. his skin has dry patches. right now its his legs, last week its was down his side. he is on a hydocortizone of 2.5 for his skin. He never acts like his dry skin bothers him. I realized not to let him take a bath, only showers, i dont want him sitting in water.
For about a week. different sounds or pitch would cause Phoenix to cover his ears and he would scream out in pain. one after noon his early childhood teacher mentioned Phoenix covering his ears, and panicking when they would be headed to music class. even certain voices from tv causes him to cover his ears. I didnt realize it, but Phoenix's sensory was heighten or elevated.
other people might call this sensory overload.
i started looking on the Internet about autism and sensory issues.and i ran across Sensory Hypersensitivity and Hyposensitivity.
http://www.suite101.com/article.cfm/autism_world/96543
after reading the article.
i realized Phoenix has Hypersensitivity.
the first is Hypervision.
i dont know how many times i have asked Phoenix, "how in the world did you see that?" or "how in the world did you find that?" When he was 6 months old, me and his dad took him to a company christmas party at his boss' house. I remember him playing on the floor and one of the guest commented on Phoenix picking up tiny pieces of lint off the carpet. it is reported on the above article, with hypervision you see particles flying the air. this is usually like rainbow colors floating in the air. But in a Crystal Children point of view here i would like to add , these particles could be of the veil between our world and the spiritual realm. Hypervision
which as children me and baby sister would love to watch the flying colors in our room at night. its a family thing.

Hyperhearing
Phoenix has demonstrated hyperhearing throughout his life.
When i took him to his brother's concert, the drums, which he loves drums. but not this drum, when the kid started playing the big round drum, Phoenix went crazy. He started screaming out in fear. it was something awful. i left the concert quickly, i took Phoenix outside and he could not calm down his fear. it was so bad, 7 months later, when we drop off his brother at school now, Phoenix just starts crying thinking he is going back to the concert.
part2

i left this post for a couple of days.
me and Phoenix's dad have decided to go private for phoenix's speech therapy. i knew it would be very expensive. i prepared myself for $90 maybe $100 per hour. but, i received shocking quote from the therapist. $150 per hour. i felt like i had been punched in the stomach. no wonder parents with austic children are going bankrupt. of course, insurance coverage of autism is just tragic. tragic , i say. we keep getting told NO. insurance will not cover our austic child's therapy. i read out of desperation, parents telling their doctor that they child fell and hit their head, and now, the child cant talk, just to get the insurance to cover the child's speech therapy. it is so sad.
either these children get help now, the earlier the better. or when our autistic children grow up, where will they wind up? what will happen. with the constant diagnosis of autism 1-88 boys right now. in 20 years where will these millions of these children go, fit in. NOW, is the time to act. but, i believe where i live, our insurance coverage for autism keeps getting voting it down. does no one in our congress have austic children?
another thing that bothered me. our insurance company through my husband work. I cant call them out on this. But damn, beginning 2011 the company my husband works for, UH! they are beginning to cover Same Sex couples on their insurance policy. i am 100% for this jump forward in todays world. but what about my son and the other autistic children. they will cover same sex couples because it is the politically correct thing to do. mean while, Autism is left out in the cold again.
i am going to do the best thing i can do. we will wind up paying for our child's therapy. it is worth every cent.
Phoenix's teacher said he probably will not make it into JK or kindergarten. only because of his social skills. funny, but this state requires a kindergarten entrance exam. if you fail, you go to JK. just the other day i met a child who is six years old, but he is in JK. CRAZY ass state i live in. Phoenix would pass the entrance exam right now, to enter kindergarten. but he is lacking social skills. I cant help that my son has no desire to play with the other kids. he is working on it. he is still taking baby steps. Phoenix is finally dancing to music, its a wonderful thing, that's a big step.
i have a meeting today about Phoenix's speech today. i have to fill out paper work, and all that that goes along with that. i am happy and disgusted all that same time.
i am going to do the best i can do.

Everyday I see my Dream

Phoenix and I have been doing a lot of adjusting lately. Going to a new school has had its challenges. Phoenix's classroom is a lot smaller than the classroom he had last year.
Depending on what mood he is in varies day by day. Usually he is super pissed when i drop him off. And i mean pissed. Shew. When i drop him off at school, he runs to the class rocking chair and sits there and screams. Some days it is just a wimper when i drop him off, and he will sit and pout for a few minutes, then start his day with his classmates, and then some days. Phoenix cries so loud you can hear him in the next room. but, today was a really good day. Phoenix, instead of running to the rocking chair, he joined in with his class and begun his day, without being so pissed at the world. its amazing how Phoenix gets his point across....
at the beginning of school, the school ran a Lock Down drill. In case a crazy person invades the school. Well, all fifteen students and two teachers were in the classroom bathroom. imagine a tiny everything size bathroom for toddlers crammed packed with 8 typical and 7 of the delayed children. with the lights out.. my child had a mega melt down when the lights went out. Phoenix's showed the power of his lungs and vibrated the teachers ear drums. I was told you could her his fear in his voice. i know from experience that when Phoenix's sensory issues are aggravated , the emotion of fear can take over. it seems like once an emotion of his shows within him and directed out , the emotion is amplified.
Everyday it seems like I can see Phoenix's Autism showing itself and to others. He is just different than other children his age. Plain and simple. After the Lock Down Drill, Phoenix decided he wasnt going to use the bathroom in his classroom. I think now, after a couple of weeks he is doing better. But he was so pissed, he went on A Potty strike at school. he refused to pee at schhool
parenting a crystal child is hard work. and getting the crystal children main streamed is even harder work. when i was dreaming of Phoenix all those years ago, in my dreams, there were white picket fences, and tall glorous oak trees. with a little golden hair little boy sitting beneath it.
i had know idea why?

maybe some day

just as i thought, Phoenix had a terrible meltdown on his first day of school. he ran to the classroom bathroom slammed the door and started screaming as loud as he could. Phoenix was also the first one of the children to open the door and run out of the classroom.
i know he will adjust soon.

there's a lot of news today about autism's link to vaccines. the court of appeals struck in down again.

i dont have an opinion on the vaccine autism link. my son was not one of the children who were born typical, then received a vaccine, and then slip into The autism Spectrum.

When Phoenix was born, he was born On the Spectrum. I kept asking my husband over and over why isnt he crying?... I heard not a sound from him. but what i saw was huge deep black eyes starring back at me. it was if he was communicating through his eyes.
I believe his autism began right then.
I remember the nurses giving him a 5 and 6 on the apgar scale. i think that what its called.

Phoenix has a special gift, i havent figured it out yet. maybe some day

school begins

tomorrow the little Phoenix returns to school. thanks goodness its a new school, and he will not have a meltdown on the way there. probably when i walked out of the classroom do, he will begin to scream. i am so nervous. the set up of this classroom is different than his last one. there is no safety gate or anything to keep a child from opening the door and escaping the early childhood compound. my Phoenix moves like an Indian, (feather not a dot) he swiftly and fast.

I am a nervous wreck,, i dont want Phoenix to rebel and have a regression, because of starting up school.

i cant wait to see some positive results from using the fish oil in Phoenix's milk.
the Phoenix,
my dreams for you this school year
make some friends
play with others
make it in the end of the year school program play for parents
put more words together
be a good boy

there will two other children in his class with autism. 8 or 9 typicals.
we will see,
let's go speech therapy!

Summer Blues

it has been one wild, busy fast summer. my goal this summer was to have Phoenix potty trained before school. he was doing fine, UNTIL that pesky little term called REgrEssion, had to put a shroud over my Phoenix. Autism and regression, seem to go hand in hand. we can not escape it.
Phoenix was going pee and poo finally. i was so happy and proud. getting the communication down with the potty training was as hard as you think. but anyway, i degress.
I had to go get my other son, yes there is another, from PA. we took a road trip, Damn Road trip.
when we got home Phoenix would peepee just fine, but not the poo poo, can you imagine, I was so happy about Phoenix's progress potty training, then, a road trip plus autism = regression.....

Phoenix is talking ok. he is saying more and more words. Its like, thinking to myself.......
he just has a hard time moving his tongue to form words. its pretty interesting watching and listening to him.

today we were outside,Phoenix and me. I watched this child pick up a bumble bee, he picked it up by the bees wings. can you imagine my horror looking at this child, he held the bee up and looks at him and lets him go. now, he does this reguraly with butter flies. NothInG happened, the bee just flew away.. I dont know...
I dont understand it, but Phoenix decided he was going on a kissing spree. he was not kissing me either, he was kissing the flowers. maybe because Fall is sneaking up on us. and the Flowers will be gone soon

its Back to School time. I must say, I will be glad to see Phoenix go back to school. Speech therapy will begin again. and he needs it.........

here and there

the last month as been a whirlwind for me and Phoenix.
he loved going to the special kid camp. Phoenix learned to tolerate the cool lake water. he gets in his little swim ring and floats and floats. kicking his little feet here and there.

My butterfly garden is a great success this year. Phoenix Loves to chase butterfly. even when the butterflies are eating, he will walk up to them and pick up a butterfly and then let it go, it is an amazing site to see him interacting with the butterflies.

Potty training is go okay. we are still at the same place we were last month. getting him to go poo poo in the potty has been hard. he has done it a couple of times. i dont know if its the Autism that is making the potty training hard or if its just Phoenix. we keep on trying and trying though.

keeping Phoenix busy over the last month has been a task. from going to the Park, swimming ,shopping, playing in the garden.

we went as a family to the nice seafood buffet, last saturday, and Phoenix hated the restaurant. I dont know if there was to much noise, to many people, i just dont know. it was very expensive, and his dad was pissed, that Phoenix screamed the entire time. we couldnt take it anymore so we left the restaurant hungry...
the next night we went to another restaurant and Phoenix was fine
Phoenix just gave us a friendly reminder, he is autistic.

No News is good News

Phoenix has been going to a special kids camp this week. on the first day at the kids pick up point, i swear i could barely keep it together. i think i packed and repacked Phoenix's camp bag 5 times. making sure he had everything. All i could keep telling myself , was NO news is Good News... over and over. I know the camp would call if Phoenix could not handle it. but all is going great. there are a couple of children Phoenix's age.

Phoenix is learning to swim in the lake this week. they said he loves the water and never wants to leave the lake..

it was so hard letting him go to camp. but priority is getting him around as many children as i can..

we received a reminder notice for Phoenix's Autism appointment. My husband refuses to take Phoenix back to the doctor that diagnosed him with Autism. he thinks that the follow up appointment will be a waste of time and money.
he is probably right when you think about it.
there is no medication to help Phoenix's Autism, which if there was a medication, i dont think i would have him take it.
what could the doctor tell us really........ "okay your son still has Autism, and that will be $199.95 please."


We are seeing positive results from school and him being around the Typicals...
his vocabulary is around 100 words right now.
which is fabulous.

after camp this week, i have to find something for Phoenix to do the rest of the summer.
I tried the library, there is no story time there. i was super mad, because the library had a sign for story time...

Locked in

i am just kinda of sitting around today and these waves of rainbow energy keep penatrating my spirit today. Spending the day today with Phoenix. he is napping at the moment.
I wonder today??
I wonder if a demon has stolen his speech. or maybe an evil witch from the past placed this hex spell on him. or, Autism stole his words.

Phoenix hears everything, but still has trouble saying his words.
Phoenix tries so hard to talk to me. He will babble made up words that sound like jibberish to me. his voice is in there, i know it, it just seems like he is Locked in.

I have been giving Phoenix fish oil omega 3. One capsule a day for maybe three weeks now. I have noticed that
His words are growing more and more. He is finally beginning to say three words phrases. We are still working on the potty training. It is hard to potty train when he cant tell me when he has to go. He is getting it though.. believe it or not. we are half way there.

nervous

today is Phoenix's last day of school. I am so nervous today, and i dont know why?
Phoenix will miss going to school. he has really enjoyed learning to play from the Typicals.
this summer Phoenix will be going a day camp. he will get to be with other kids which will be good for him.
may the gods give me patience this summer.
maybe that's what has me so nervous. me and Phoenix 24/7..
he is something to keep entertained. we will be playing for hours, days at the park and library story time.

the Typicals

Yesterday Phoenix was playing outside. It was Sunday, so the neighbor's grandchildren were over playing in the backyard. The children were around Phoenix's age. maybe a little older than him. one of the little boys came to the fence, to take a look at what Phoenix was playing with. the little boy was talking to Phoenix, and Phoenix just stood there. It was very telling, that Phoenix is different, not a typical three year old, but he has autism. every time I see a typical child, i just want to cry. i feel so bad. I often wonder what Phoenix will sound like one day. he does want to talk but just cant. Phoenix being around typical children is very important. he learns how to be typical child.

Hair cut

Phoenix got a hair cut. All of his long blonde curly hair is gone. i must say, he looks like a little boy now. He is growing so fast. His Autism shows more days than others. or i dont know, maybe he just decides to do whatever he wants to and not listen to me.
Phoenix has been doing okay on his potty training. it is not easy, because he can not tell me when he has to go. Ocassionally i will get a Pee Pee from him, which is a step foward.
somedays Phoenix wants to talk so bad. He will just sing his jibersh. I know he knows what i am talking about when i do talk to him.
Phoenix has been kissing me more and more. It is a wonderful thing.

i can hope

no summer school for Phoenix. Budget cuts have been deep here for the school system. school will be out for two and a half months. with no speech therapy. that means, i will have to work even harder with Phoenix this summer. i think he will be okay. he still has 2 more years of early childhood to go. a lot can happen within that time. my goal is to him mainstreamed by kindergarten. that's a big goal, but his vocabulary is steadily increasing. I can hope.

the good and just strange

today is the day i find out if Phoenix made it into summer school. it would seem to me that the school would provide speech therapy for him over the summer. Autism and regression go hand in hand. You constantly have to work with Phoenix's speech. It is so strange. what comes to us naturally in human communication and speech. Phoenix has to really work hard to say his words. He actually understands words, and what they mean. He just can not verbalize. ??
Phoenix has become more and more loving. He is now kissing me. Not only is he kissing me, but the trees in the yard, the flowers, the bushes. He was kissing the plants way before he would kiss me. I still wonder what that's all about.
today when i dropped off Phoenix at school, i noticed the teacher's dog in the class room again. it's freaking crazy. i take the good in this, and think to myself, she's Phoenix's teacher, and helping him with social skills, making friends, and basic preschool skills. so, i let the dog issue go.. balance right? the good and just strange

placebo effect

Phoenix has been receiving his fish oil supplements. I cut his dosage in half again. i dont want to overdue it. Its only been a couple of days since he started taking it. and his eye contact has improved. I do not know if that's the placebo effect of the fish oil, but it sure is nice to be able to gaze into those eyes of his. I feel like i can see to the ends of the universe when i look into his black eyes. the benefit of a crystal child.
i read it takes around 12 weeks for you to get the omega 3 built up in your system. that's the entire summer. speaking of summer, Phoenix is getting ready to be out of school for the summer. wow, i have a big job in front of me. Phoenix's dad wants him to go to the YMCA for the summer. i dont think they can handle him and his autism, i really dont. Phoenix is in a class of 15 and he has an assistant all to himself. He is not a bad child. he just doesnt follow directions. he has a hard time sitting still. Library seems to be pretty hard on him right now. he has to be quiet and sit still. i think that would be hard for most three year old boys.

Fish Oil

I was posting information over at Autism Articles and a came across several articles on the topic of Fish Oil and Autism. Omega 3 is what the vitamin is called. The fish oil is suppose to help calm, aid in concentration, and their behavior is suppose to improve, A lot of mother's use fish oil as a supplement for their adhd children. I dont know, but i like what i read. the Fish oil is like a wonder pill. but it also reminds me of the snake oils of the early days. Crazy salesmen would be peddling their snake oils to heal what ailed the sick. The snake oils probably gave sick people Hope when they had no hope. Is that where i am with the Fish Oil? is it giving me hope?
I will post Phoenix's progress with the Fish Oil. He has just started taking it. I bought the Nature made 1200mg no smell Fish Oil. Two capsules equal a serving to get to the 1200mg dose. I only give Phoenix one capsule at a time. I just pop a hole in the capsule and add it right into his strawberry milk cup. So far he has not noticed the oil in the milk. I only give it to him only twice a day, and some of the oil sticks to the cup.

Field Trip

Phoenix had his very first field trip with the his early child hood class and the junior kindergarten class went too. there were thirty very small children, ages three to five years old running around everywhere. we went to a historical train museum. there was a train engine and cabooses to look at. Phoenix's autistic sensory issues kicked in when the steam horns went off. He was again in the terrified mode. but he quickly calmed down today. Phoenix loved riding the miniature train around the train yard. At first he was squirmy and fidgeting and fighting me, he did not want to sit down on the train. I just held him down, he was going to ride this train. finally the conductor got the train going, and when we got moving Phoenix realized he loved riding the train. He was in heaven. we went around the track three times. When the train ride was over he did not want to get off. it was a wonderful thing. we then went into the museum and there were two beautiful cats. Phoenix just loved them.
after the kids finished riding the train all the kids got on the bus and we took off to the park.
all the children sat on the benches. the classes separated to eat lunch, but i could see the jk class. it was a sea of soda, among the jk, i could not believe my eyes. the parents of the jk must have brought the soda. I also saw a big tub of brownies for the jk. thank goodness nothing like that was brought for the early childhood class. over all Phoenix experienced something new.
i think the best part of the day for him was when he was chasing the bird in the park......

more Blast

I received a notice from Phoenix's school about an early childhood, jk kindergarten play. I was so excited to see Phoenix interact with the other kids. I wondered to myself what he would be doing since he cant communicate well. The day came and me and Phoenix's dad went to the play. We were thrilled to get to see him. But when the Play time came, Phoenix was no where to be found. His dad went to his classroom.. there was Phoenix sitting by himself with a pile of blocks.. I felt crushed... why was Phoenix not in the play? the teacher nervously told us the kids had been working on it all year. and Phoenix arrived in March and wasnt ready to be in a play. oh, i thought. She told us she was sorry and should have told us.. REALLY? Phoenix wasnt even allowed to go see the Play. I know he can get disruptive because of his Autism. but it still just sucked for me and his dad. he had left work to see the Play. we felt like Phoenix was entirely left out . I am still not happy about it. but i guess i can try to understand what happened? and learn from it.
another thing that's bothering me about Phoenix's teacher... She brought her dog to school. the dog stayed all day long in the classroom. I just happened to see her and the dog at an afterschool function. she was holding the dog and walking around the school yard with it. I could not believe my eyes. it was weird. She even told me shes allowed to bring the dog to school.. Whoa, i mean i love dogs and everything. but i dont think you should bring your dog to school.... one word, allergies... i know there has to be kid in that school thats allergic to pet dander.
no harm no foul, i guess

Blast!

its been a roller coaster of a month for me. i never imagined how much energy it takes to mother Phoenix and keeping my energy balanced at the same time. it has been exhausting for me spiritually, emotionally, physically.

Our visit to florida was emotional for me. Almost all emotions were felt by me.Every single emotion activated . I was so wore out when i came home, it took me weeks to return to balance. I can finally write after everything has come into focus.
My husbands family lives in florida. so i got to visit with my mother in law and stepdaughters, and poor grandma.
When i was with my husband i felt at ease, when we went to a wonderful restaurant by the river. Phoenix was quiet and ease at the restaurant. but earlier in the evening my mother in law had plans to meet her boyfriend at some restaurant. the first thing i asked her , is it Kid friendly? in front of my husband, she said of course.. when we arrived at the restaurant, we walked through the doors, and, it was a Sports Bar... jam packed on a friday night. his mother insisted it was okay for us to eat there.after waiting for 45 minutes in this crazy bar for her boyfriend, my husband was Furious, it was 7:30 and Phoenix hadn't ate yet when it came down to it, she was only concerned about her boyfriend. I hated it for my husband. what was once was a negative night for my husband, turned into a fabulous evening. even Phoenix got a pretzel and peanut butter dip appetizer.
it was an unbelievable experience with my mother in law. from the wonderful time we had together at the yard sales to shopping. the gods were smiling on me that day..i stumpled upon 2 large temple rubbing complete with frame. I call them my girls.. now, whats better is i got both of them for $10.00. I was so happy, i almost cried. this all because my mother in law took me to yards sales. so that i was grateful for.
while me and my mother in law were having some girl fun, my husband went to go get his 16 and 17 year old daughters. and that was nice when we got to see the kids. and Phoenix got to see his sisters. Phoenix loved playing the back yard. Believe or not a raccoon came to visit Phoenix, right in the middle of this giant city. His sister even got some pictures of the raccoon on accident. She was taking pictures of Phoenix, and the raccon happened to be in the background. it was strange.
later that day we were all playing and Phoenix was playing with a ball. my mother in law said to me, you should go get him another ball from the house. I said to her, "he is fine with just one ball" then she looked at me at said I was stupid. i said "Really, why is that? " she just stormed off. at first, i just wanted her to explain why i am stupid, but then it dawned on me, she just called me stupid. just because i didnt want to go back in the house and get a silly ball. my husband just picked up the ball and started playing catch with Phoenix. and i joined. while i was throwing the ball, i just kept thinking, wow, she just called me stupid. I was crushed. later when me and my husband went into the house, we were alone, and he asked me, "did my mom just call you stupid" i said, yes she did. my husband thought he had heard that. but could not believe it and thought he had misunderstood her... i told him this. "people say dumb stuff all the time, and maybe she just had one those moments." he said maybe....
then the next day she called my husband dumb, for the way he was packing the pictures of my girls. oh, i would like to think that the stress of taking care of grandma after she fell, has taken its toll on her. maybe... just maybe.

wondering about..

My Phoenix has returned to school after a long battle with sickness. that virus-demon attacked the Phoenix to the bitter core..
wondering to myself, if the an Ocean visit would cleanse the soul. leaving for the beach soon..

Life's Crystal experiences are coming one after the other.


after an Easter visit with Phoenix's Half sister. I learned that she has the ability to receive telepathic messages from the little Phoenix. Phoenix would just jump off the chair at her suddenly without any warning. Then his sister started hearing his Voice in her head. He would message her and tell her to "Catch Me" "Catch Me"
it must be the Indigo-Crystal connection.

From my experience it seems Indigo's have the ability to receive telepathic messages or directly communicate with Crystal Children.
again, i dont know if I am an Indigo, maybe I am just intuitive.
What I do know is Phoenix has an Autistic classmate. This child is on a different part of the Autistic Spectrum. Every time I look at the child I wonder about him. Does he stay up late at night like Phoenix? Does he have sensory issues? Does he giggle by himself in the corner of the room ? Does he stack blocks? Is he crystal?
well, today I was walking in the school parking lot and passed the little child and his mother. of course i was wondering something about the child, this time Was he Crystal, because his eyes were not big and deep like Phoenix? just as i began to wonder and think more about the child, i turned around to get one last glance at him as he walked away with his mother. the child turned and looked me in the Eyes from 15 ft away and giggled then went back to walking. I have seen him so many times at school, and he never looks anyone in the eyes. but for a moment, just a moment. He chose to look at me, right in the eyes. if you ask me what i felt, i just felt connected to him in a spiritual sense. He gave me something though. A Crystal Confirmation. There was no doubt this child is a Christed one. I felt it.. and he is not even my own child. small miracles

During Phoenix's sickness he became a little artist. He has one those doodle erase pencil attached things with the slide that eraser. you know what i am talking about. Phoenix can now draw faces. It is weird. The pictures are so scary looking. but amazing. i am going to have to take pictures of his art. but before i can get to it, he erases it with a quick slide. then it is gone forever...

No medicine please

i dont even know where my head has been for the last week.
Phoenix has been so sick. I will tell you now from experience. When this Crystal gets sick, Wow.. this is this is the third time Phoenix has been sick. when he was younger, he got sick with a double ear infection and running a 104 temperature. Phoenix was first prescribed Amoxicillin. you know that bubble gum medicine for kids.. And the medicine did not work, his fever had reached over 104 degrees. we went back to the doctor, and he pre scribed some white medicine, that was suppose to be stronger than the Amoxicillin. I started giving the new medicine to Phoenix hoping this would heal those poor ears.
But instead Phoenix broke out in hives all over his body. I am at my wits end at this point. I grabbed the little guy buckled him in his car seat, and drove as fast as i could to the doctors office. I got to the Doctor's office and they were closed!! I call his doctor's office from my cell phone and no one was there. I got to listen to there marvelous answering machine, telling me it was Friday and they closed at 1:30. As i looked at my watch it was only
1:00. Jesus, Really??? So, i rushed Phoenix to the nearest Urgent Care. The Urgent care took him right him. And the doctor's come to the realization to give a shot him of antibiotics. I was desperate by this point and said okay , bring on the shot.
Phoenix screamed in Rage, He had to have four people hold him down to get his shot. This kid is no joke. after 12 hours his fever broke and he was soon back to his curious self.

the second sickness rolled around about a month ago. Phoenix missed his entire last week of speech therapy. Another bout with his ears came knocking. Poor baby right?
i wanted to try Amoxicillin again, because it is not so strong.
Phoenix would not take this medicine. I got pink medicine all over me, him, the carpet.. Phoenix just power spit it out. He just refused it. then we got smart and mixed it in his strawberry milk. that was the end of that battle and he got better.

the third sickness, just rolled around. Phoenix was burning me to the touch. I knew i was facing another Battle to get him well again. I rushed him to the doctor. Phoenix's ears seemed to be fine, but we knew the cold would go straight to his ears and cause another double ear infection. Phoenix was you typical Crystal child, He required his doctor and two nurses to be held down, just so the doctor could take a peak in his ears, and listen to his lungs. The walls were literally vibrating from him screaming. I know he felt like his space was invaded. I tried to explain to him they were just trying to make him feel better.
The doctor recommended around of Amoxicillin. Okay, i can do this, i will just pay the 2.99 for the added flavoring for the medicine, and just mix it again with his milk. Right? wrong!
Phoenix refused to take this medicine. I tried mixing it with tea, milk, gatorade V-8 strawberry banana. Nope he wouldnt take the medicine. his fever then jumped to 104. So then i tried to force him to take the medicine by holding him down and forcing him to take it.
I got pink crap all over me, him, the floor,... what a mess... I couldnt believe it. Then i tried to reason with Phoenix.. I asked if he wanted to go outside? just take your medicine and you can go out. i knew for sure that would work.. But there was just no reasoning with him.. It was his way or nothing. and he wasnt going to take his medicine. he had decided.
Phoenix was getting sicker and sicker. I couldnt take it no more and called the doctor and asked for a shot to get him better. It was the same old Phoenix, call in the reinforcements, two nurses his doctor and me are holding him down so he can feel better.
He got the shot and now he is better again, and going to school tomorrow.
whew, what a kid

the religion of Crystal

over the last week leading up to Easter has been extremely rocky for the little Phoenix. he has been energized beyond your wildest imagination. he has been a constant vibration or buzz.
no naps no rest time no time for me to breathe. maybe his excitement for egg dying and chocolate bunnies got the best of me..... not him.
with the warm weather closing in, our grass needed to be mowed for the first time. as soon as Phoenix laid his eyes on the lawn mower. his world was in melt down mode. He instantly was terrified of the machine. the lawn mower had not even been started up yet. and Phoenix was screaming and wanted to be held. . I didnt understand what went wrong, why he reacted like that. all i know is it was bad. bad.. bad.. after i figured out what was causing his terror, i scooped him up and brought him inside the house and sat him on the couch. I wrapped him up in a blanket and held him as tight as i could. everytime i would try to move he would grab my arm and put my arm back around him. I could feel this enormous buzz radiating from him. I laid my head on his head, then i felt the buzzing getting stronger and stronger.. then i was surrounded by opalescence light. was it a dream to carry me into Phoenix's world? was it his aura? Phoenix takes me back to where i want to be.

its not far back to sanity...

sometimes i find myself contemplating...
do i hang on to the religion of Crystal?
my son is born a star child, of the Crystal children, Phoenix also has been diagnosed with Autism Spectrum Disorder.
I dont know if i have made myself believe in the Crystal asscension as a religion or faith. Just to make myself cope with the Reality of my son's Autism. the thought of it makes me weep for myself and Phoenix. it is not easy facing the facts. my thoughts get the best of me.

if i look into the setting sun. i feel the light being eat by my darkness. nothing is real. living is easy with your eyes closed. it doesnt matter much to me..

Phoenix, my son you are very loving. I often catch you giving kisses to the trees in your yard.
you kiss the trees the way i wish you would give me a kiss. i guess the trees can do miracles for you.

Does heaven hold a place for you ? or do you create a heaven on earth just for you? its just another secret Phoenix holds..

i think its not to bad. nothing is real. i know when its a dream.

Autism Spectrum on the Golden Ray

I was speaking with Phoenix's teacher and was wondering if she could tell he has Autism. She clearly told me, you could diffidently tell he was "On the Spectrum" Then like a wave of spiritual information came flowing through me. not only is Phoenix on The Spectrum of Autism. But the Spectrum Of the Seven rays of consciousness. Phoenix was born on the sixth ray of the spectrum. The Golden Ray.
Now, Lets review the Seven rays.

The seven rays come out of the white light of the Holy Spirit. The Holy Spirit is like a full complement of all of the rays of the Christ consciousness. These rays are noted by the spectrum of colors that we see in the rainbow.

The first ray is the ray of God’s will, which has a frequency in the spectrum of blue. Those who serve on this ray are inclined to lead, to govern, to administer, to organize and to execute. They are very much concerned with the order and the energy of God’s will. They are great devotees of the will of God, even if they do not call it the will of God. They insist upon order and system in their lives and they are very devoted to this order.

The Chohan or Lord of the First Ray is the Ascended Master El Morya, whose retreat is in the etheric octave over Darjeeling, India.

The Second Ray, the ray of wisdom, vibrates in the color spectrum of yellow. It is the focus of illumination, the "illumined action" of God. This is the ray of those who teach, who understand and who know God through this illumined action of his wisdom and the wisdom of his law.

The Chohan or Lord of the Second Ray is the Ascended Master Lanto, whose retreat is congruent with the Grand Teton, Jackson Hole, Wyoming.

The Third Ray is the ray of the love of God, the very essence of consummation of oneness in the Holy Spirit. Through this ray whose spectrum is from the pink to the rose color, come the artists--those who are the creative, sensitive and intuitive souls. They are the ones who serve mankind through love, charity and compassion.

The Chohan or Lord of the Third Ray is the Ascended Master Paul the Venetian, who receives his disciples in his retreat, the Chateau de Liberte, which is over southern France.

The Fourth Ray extols the discipline and purity of God; its flame is white. This white flame is the way of those who would contact the inner design of their handiwork. In the honor and the integrity of the soul’s oneness with the law of perfection, they pursue the discipline of the mastery of their sacred labor, the work of their hands, which is the work of the Father-Mother God through them. They are the disciplined ones who are seeking ultimate reunion with God through the sacrifice of self.

The Chohan or Lord of the Fourth Ray is the Ascended Master Serapis Bey, whose retreat is the Ascension Temple on the etheric plane over Luxor, Egypt.

The Fourth ray path is the way of those who commune in the wholeness of the consciousness of the Divine Mother through purity of body, mind and soul. The color white embodies all of the rays; and therefore, ultimately, the disciplines of each of the seven rays bring one to this doorway, to the ascension, the soul’s eternal liberation.

The Fifth Ray is the green ray of truth and the science of God. It is a ray of healing and abundance which vibrates in the color spectrum as emerald green. Scientists, doctors, healers, mathematicians and musicians pursue a scientific mastery of the self and of the planes of Spirit and matter on this ray. This they do through a quest for truth in every discipline, including the healing arts. The fifth Ray is the means whereby those who require the logic of the logos can find their way back to the Christ consciousness, back to their God-design.

The Chohan or Lord of the Fifth Ray is the Ascended Master Hilarion, whose retreat is the Temple of Truth on the etheric plane congruent with the island of Crete.

The Sixth Ray is the ray of the Master Jesus, of peace and the ministration of God. It is the way of the selfless servant. The Sixth Ray has a frequency in the spectrum of purple and gold. Jesus once served as the Lord of this ray, but when he moved on to become a World Teacher, the Ascended Lady Master Nada became the Lord of this ray. This ray is the path of those who minister in the energies of peace to the evolutions of earth as counselors and comforters in every walk of life. Their inner vow is "I AM my brother’s keeper," and their soul motto is "He that would be great among you, let him be the servant of all."

The Chohan of the Sixth Ray is the Ascended Lady Master Nada, whose retreat is over Saudi Arabia.

The Seventh Ray, which has a frequency on the spectrum of violet, is the ray of freedom and the forgiveness of God through the alchemy of the Holy Spirit. It is the way of the priests of the Order of Melchizidek, the alchemy of the Seventh Ray of the Aqaurian Age, and the way of soul freedom. Saint Germain, who is known as the God of Freedom to the earth, is the Master of the Aquarian Age.

the Chohan--or Lord--of the Seventh Ray is Saint Germain, who has retreats both in Europe over Transylvania, and in the Cave of Symbols in Table Mountain of the Grand Teton Range, Wyoming.

http://www.summitlighthouseabq.org/seven_rays.htm

This explains a lot when it comes to the Little Phoenix. I have never taken him to church or spoke about Jesus to him. But Phoenix seems to know Jesus very well. It is because he is was born on the Golden Ray. Holy crap is what i think to myself. Every time he sees a picture of the living Jesus he has to hold it and gaze. he feels a strong connection to Jesus. But not as worship, like a Christian would, but as a child recognizing an old friend....

Crystal children that come to this planet are known as starchildren. this child my Phoenix is from the stars. no doubt about it. Stars shining above me, Phoenix whispers he loves me. what can i do, i feel like he is my son, but he belongs to the world.. I just pick up my feet.. keep going on my path.

I wish Phoenix would tell me all is thoughts on God. I have so many questions for him.

most important is what will come next for my Phoenix.. he has already be born on the golden ray of incarnation and evolution.also being born in the sixth dimension. we live are lives in the third dimension Phoenix has the potential to open up to the ninth dimension level of full christ consciousness. then comes the full universal consciousness. what kind of energy is this? something beyond my wildest imagination... it is very humbling..

there are going to be alot of little magical children running around the planet by 2012.. these children have an important job, and they will do it unknowingly. because it will be like breathing for them, and the energy will just flow from them to us and through planet earth. ascension ...

day to day on his drum

if i tell you Phoenix had a good morning that would be a lie. he got milk all over the front of his pants, before he got to school. geez, he looked liked he peed himself. when we got to his classroom he ran to the bathroom for me to change him. he knew his pants were not right. when we got done changing him,he went out of the bathroom screaming. Phoenix did not want me to leave him. He was at a very dark place and not doing well, he was glutching my leg not wanting me to leave him there at school. Finally two assistants grabbed him from my leg, and Phoenix went into the classroom screaming and having a meltdown.
God Bless you little Phoenix, look around and all you see is sympathetic eyes. He is hiding in a place where no one else sees. Its just a little secret that he holds.
I know this child is of the Gods, he crystalline energy is so pure and good. I wonder why Autism has a hold of him. Unlike most Autistic children, this crystal baby is so attached to me. He never wants me to leave his side. He wants to go everywhere with me.
Phoenix's voice is so beautiful when i hear words flow from him. I wonder what word he will learn next.
Its been a rumor that crystal children are telepathic. My crystal my Phoenix, speaks with his energy. And through his music, he doesnt seem happy unless he is on his drum.

First Days

Phoenix's first week of school went pretty good. The first day was a breeze, he didnt cry or fuss when i dropped him off at his class room. But the days that followed were not the easiest for him.
Everyday when I would drop Phoenix off he would start fussing as soon as we pulled into the parking lot of the school. As soon as we walked into the building, he would start crying. As we would get closer and closer to his classroom he would start crying louder and louder, disturbing the other classrooms.
Phoenix loves to paint and color with all the colors he can get his on. He is the little painter.
When I drop him off, i always tell him, we will meet again.
I know he is excited to see me everyday when it is time to pick him up from school.

Pretty

the weekend has flown by. the weather has been sun shiny and warm. I went to have Phoenix's physical done for school. Phoenix does not like the Doctor's office or the Doctor for that matter. His doctor is a small aged Asian lady, with little personality. Poor Phoenix every time he sees the Asian lady doctor, he has a full blown melt down. Phoenix's physical went easy this time. I did show the doctor his rash on his legs. Phoenix breaks out with certain soaps. I have to be extra careful with his clothes, soaps and lotions. Sensitive Phoenix is.
After the doctor's visit, we took off to register Phoenix for school. AS soon as we walked in the school's office Phoenix starts touching everything,balls, books ,papers,paperclips. Soon, a lady walks in the office and has a full blown Crystal Engagement with Phoenix. Phoenix locked those big brown starry eyes on her. And she stood there gazing at him as he gazed at her. Then a few minutes after that Phoenix ran and grabbed some kick balls and started playing with him. The next thing I know the lady keeps saying over and over, "he is so Pretty" "he is so Pretty, wow" I dont know what to say except i wish she would have said something other than Pretty. Phoenix is a boy after all..
Oh, tomorrow is the first day of school for Phoenix. I cant hardly believe it. I wonder what the impact he will have on the people and children at school. He has been a lonely child sitting at home with me bottled up with spiritual energy. Its been the two of us for so long. I wonder what he misses from afar maybe a different time and place, maybe another space in time. I whisper I love you to Phoenix. he hears me.. you and I....

I cant believe Phoenix being a Crystal has gotten us here, and going to school at age 3. Is it the autism? speech? oh... I dont know.
I cant wait to get Phoenix to the Ocean. It will cleanse and charge at the same time. Little Pisceian (Pisces)....
MAybe next month.

is he different?

Phoenix is different than most children with Autism. Phoenix never had a vocabulary, and then lost it. Most Autisic children start out as normal children, saying words like mama and dada. But then all of a sudden their vocabulary simply disappears, and the child they once knew, is not that child anymore. Phoenix said his first word at around 18 months old. It was like his tongue didnt know how to move to form the words. When he said Dada the first time it was more like DerDer. I remember i was thrilled, then he quickly said Mama. It was so strange. I must say Phoenix's voice is very deep and raspy. And as always when he says a new word it is a miracle.... I believe his vocabulary is at around 30 words now. Thanks to speech therapy and play therapy.

Phoenix finished up his speech and play therapy this week. The therapist came over and gave him a party to celebrate. He starts school Monday. It is hard on me because i wanted to spend the next 2 years at home with him. But he must go to school. Phoenix will be going to an Early childhood education program for children with special needs. I believe he is special..

Sensory,Fluffy and a Crystal

When Phoenix was a mere nine months old when he started tearing up my Couch. Phoenix would tug and pull at the couch until he had a hole to pull the stuffing out of it. Which we now call Fluffy. Phoenix loves to roll his fluffy between his fingers. The first time i knew he had sensory issues was when his play therapist noticed him pulling the Fluffy out of the couch. She just said, Oh, he has sensory issues. Really? I never knew, but Fluffy relaxes him in such a positive way. Even when a trip to Walmart doesnt go well, I can get him some Fluffy and he giggles and just starts rolling the Fluffy between his fingers. Phoenix has other sensory issues, after three years, I can finally vacuum without him screaming in fear. Taking him out to Malls is really tough on him. I guess he picks up on all the different energies and he really doesnt understand how to process it.
Is it the Autism that causes this sensory? Or is this Crystal just super sensitive to energy?

Crystal Mirror Gazing

The sun is shining brightly through the windows. Phoenix runs to the bathroom, jumps on his stool and starts to gaze intently into his own eyes. I could feel myself being pulled into the mirror with him. It seemed as if a portal had opened in those deep dark brown eyes of his. I felt my spiritual self being pulled in along with Phoenix. I had seen that face of his before. oh boy.
I would love for all Crystal Mothers to feel this peace of Knowing. Knowing is so critical of Crystal Mothers. and Phoenix just told me all about it, by simply gazing in the mirror with him.

Its in a dream. All the Crystal children, where do they come from? Where do they all belong.
Where are all the Crystal Mothers? Many mothers are keeping silent, for good reason. But, these Crystal are gifts.

Phoenix is of the stars. As the Sun has a Place in sky.

I know I have read that Crystal Children are born To Indigo Adults. I dont know If I am an Indigo Adult? Plain and simple. But I do Know that I have been blessed with a Crystaline Child.
It is the Blessing of Crystal and the Curse of Autism. Crystals diagnosed with Autism is hard mentally and spiritually. I have no problem communicating with Phoenix. And most outtings to Walmart end with Phoenix screaming has he leaves the store. Maybe its sensory overload for him. Fluffy seems to help. Fluffy you ask? well, we will talk about Phoenix's sensory issues on another post.

school

Phoenix and I had a meeting with the school today. it went really good. Phoenix ran around the classroom trying to pull down books and drag down the games. I think he will adjust to going to school nicely. Ya know in order for the school system to consider Phoenix having Autism Spectrum Disorder, he has to go through more test just for the school to say he has Autism. I guess his Doctor's report isnt good enough. Phoenix still qualifies for Special education because of his speech delay. But still, more tests? maybe not. I still think Phoenix is a part of the crystal children awareness. Phoenix is so aware of everything. He is an incredible child, with incredible potential. I often wonder when he is playing and giggling, who in the world he is playing with?? maybe his spirit guide, only he knows.

catching up

me and the little Phoenix have been terribly sick. i have been sick for nearly two weeks. and Phoenix caught it and the cold went to his ears causing a double ear infection. when Phoenix gets sick its really a rough time. he refused to take his antibiotics and spit the medicine everywhere. now i have pink spots on my carpet.
Phoenix missed last week's speech and play therapy. today's speech didnt go so well. he barely wanted to play and screamed alot. Tomorrow we are going to school to have a meeting. With Phoenix's autism they will discuss an action plan. including more speech and play therapy.
goodness i am glad we are getting over this sickness... wowza

Use your Words

Phoenix is moving on very nicely. His Play and Speech therapy have been a God Send, and has helped his Autism. What is being taught during his Play and Speech therapy? It is hard to imagine if you have never seen a child that did not know how to play. right? My Phoenix is being taught how to Play correctly. It is all about taking turns. When people communicate , its all about taking turns. sharing.
Phoenix's vocabulary has grown since he began this type of therapy. I am keeping track and so far he has about 12 words he uses everyday. I have to constantly remind him to use his words. "use your words" I think he forgets sometimes, he has to talk. Instead, he will grab my hand and lead me to what he wants. that is a form of communication. but i need to hear his voice, its a beautiful thing

has Autism caused your soul to be stolen?

i was reading and came across an article about austic children who appear to be born with no soul. it was one of saddest reads of my life. i will not post it, but google is a wonderful thing. but after visiting school with Phoenix an observing another child with autism. sadly i could see what people might would consider a soulless human.this child could not make contact. and his speech delay was severe. but if you sit and listen you can peal through the layers of the Austic child's soul. their souls appear to dwell deeply within. almost like the child is as lost deep in the next galaxy. my tears fill, i just want to drown my sorrows. i look to my bright Phoenix, and i sit and listen again. i look right through him, his soul is as bright and full as the Full Moon itself. Could it be my dear? but No i still feel you in their. has autism stole my crystal child's soul? with giggles my Phoenix says Noooooo.

blocks,blocks, all the same size

Phoenix me and his dad went to visit the school this week to observe and see how Phoenix would interact with the other Autistic children. Let me tell you. I could not believe my eyes all these children with disabilities were amazing to watch. there were nine boys and just three girls, and their ages were from 3-4 the majority of the children that i saw and interacted with had speech delay. the teachers were all encouraging the children to "use their words" or make a sign when wanting something, learning to ask can be difficult for these children. My Phoenix doesnt seem to think he needs to ask me for anything, he just thinks i know.
being in the same room with these children was energizing. the class room felt like warm sunshine, after being buried in dark grey snow for weeks.
we arrived just in time for breakfast. the children all sat at small tables with a big pile of toast in the center, along with small bowls of fruit loops and coco Krispies. it was a feast for for All. from what i saw no milk or juice was spilled. All the children sat and ate their breakfast. then came story time came and the children gathered around the teacher. and the children listened to the story. Phoenix sat at the table for a whole ten minutes. then he ran to the blocks corner. my Phoenix has a block obsession, the blocks all have to the same size, thank goodness its not all the same color too. then he builds and builds. he then got himself stuck over in the block corner, trying to stack blocks from his reflection in the mirror.
funny

Time keeps on ticking

tomorrow the little Phoenix has Play therapy. he is doing better with his speech and communication. this type of therapy seems to help his autism. he has been making great strides with his play and learning to play with things the correct way. i was thinking today, that my other sons didnt seem as advanced at this stage as the Phoenix. even though he cant communicate well, he is still very aware of letters, shapes and colors. he has learned how to draw pretty good. he loves to draw circles. Phoenix will be starting school soon. he is almost three. what will i do without my son during the day. i was hoping on spending more time with him, but its time for school.

Why my house???

i imagine a row of 125 houses all filled with children. An Autism chose my house. Maybe i should have marked my door like the Hebrews did at Passover. why my house?
it was december 22 2009 when the specialist said it. He has Austism.
Amazing things dwell within that spirit of my son. The child already has a relationship with Christ. When we visit the thrift store he can pick up all things jesus. I want to get him a Christ Buddy. He is not so scary. Why does Jesus have to be so scary. All except the baby jesus.

we are working hard to get on Phoenix's level. i dont know if i ever could. but, that seems to be only way to reach him. what is happening? where is the life that i recognize?

my pawpaw has left this world.. i miss him so much. i understand grief now. it hurts so bad.
the last time i saw him, i told him how much i loved him. i knew it would be the last time i saw him. painful as it is, i knew immediately he felt better. he didnt feel so good......

Autism Sucks

well, the intervention team believes my Crystal has Autism.
Phoenix's teacher asks me how i feel about the possibility of Autism.
I said to her, Autism Spectrum Disorder is such a broad term, he probably does fall somewhere in the Spectrum. But let's see... as i spoke, i felt my heart sinking, i guess she is trying to prepare me.. I dont know...
Phoenix can talk, sure he has speech delay. but, if you listen, he sings.. and sings. I remember visiting with my sister, she said to me.. " is he singing?"
He sings all the time.. My two year old is not talking or communicating the way the medical community deems fit.. Phoenix does communicate with me. But i cant tell his doctor or speech therapist of his mental communication.


in her i know i am one

Crystal he is

once again with a new doctor the little Phoenix must see a speech therapist. We cant seem to get away from his speech delay. after doing some reading, i have found that crystal children seem to have exceptional visual symbolic skills. Meaning crystal children can recall their ABC's and 123's. Amazing. Phoenix has known his letters and numbers for a while. Oneday, Phoenix's father caught him one morning saying his letters. But he cant talk. He can say and recall at random all 26 letters of the alphabet. Now at two years old he can not say but 15 words max.
I know their are more crystal mothers out there. Just like me. Raising a crystal is a gift, but it is definately has it challenges. My biggest challenge is trying to get through speech therapy. Phoenix has his own language. he sounds like a whale singing a song.
lately it seems he has been a magnet for senior citizens. Mostly, senior citizens want to touch his golden blonde curly hair. but once the Phoenix locks his eyes on them, they just want to talk and play with him. Phoenix usually tucks his head down low, and will push the person away after a period of time. I guess he just had enough. And he Never ever speaks to anyone.

Crystal Engagement

It feels like years since he's been here
Phoenix, here he comes
I feel like the earth's been waiting
it's alright

i felt the spiritual energy of my son
i was awe struck, as i am discovering his crystalline energy
it is an incredible feeling knowing your son's spiritual energy contains far more than my abilities could ever reach in this lifetime. its very humbling

how many holes will he be able to fill.

since my last posting,
Phoenix has taught me of the Crystal Engagement.
A crystal engagement is when a Crystal child unleashes their spiritual energy and locks into yours. at the point of the crystal engagement many things can occur

the first of engagements, is the crystal confirmation engagement. this is when your crystal child confirms the fact they are indeed crystalline, this engagement can happen in a number of forms and is unique to the crystal caregivers. you will know when this happens, it is a feeling like none other

the second of the engagements is telepathy. the telepathic engagement is for everyday life with your crystal baby.crystal telepathy is like "mommy i need some milk in my cup.

the third engagement is crystal engagement messaging. crystal messaging is different than telepathy.
Crystal children messaging comes to us from the spiritual plane. the third crystal engagement is by far the most spiritual of all the engagements. During the time of this crystal engagement the recipient will feel like if they have just been kissed by god. this is when spiritual information is passed through the crystal child from the spiritual world to the recipient. during my first message engagement with my son, my eyes were burning so hot, and my face felt like it had extreme heat next to it, it felt like spiritual light being placed on me and my crystal.

the fourth of the engagements is the crystal healing engagement.
my crystal baby has never done this engagement with me. i do believe he has done this engagement before. one day he was at his weekly play date at the baby gym. there sat an elderly lady, my crystal baby toddled right up to her,never mind the play balls and the bubbles everywhere. he stopped and look right into her eyes's for maybe 30 seconds. then he stood before her and touched her hand but just with his pointer finger. then Phoenix just giggled and ran to play with the bubbles.
i looked at the elderly lady and she smiled so brightly. she just told me how beautiful his eyes were.

I love my dear Phoenix. Crystalline he is, protect him. i must.


in her i know i one

Autism, a Crystal, and The Blue Lady

it has been a struggle lately, my Phoenix is 18 months old and has been put under a microscope by the medical community. he simply decided he didnt want to talk, nothing no mama dada, nothing.
Phoenix can communicate with me through other ways though, i actually call him my little orca whale, because he loves to sing, and he sounds just like an orca...
but none the less, i was told he possibly couldnt hear and that's why he couldnt talk. which this scared the living daylights out of me, geez, the hearing test was done, and he can hear, praise the gods,, my Phoenix simply has a speech delay, one of the characteristics of crystal children, but also a characteristic of autism.
now, Phoenix's doctor has him under the help me grow program, where the state gets involved with Phoenix's speech delay. the social workers involved with Phoenix actually come to my home, to visit with him. and i still have the autism paperwork, which i dont want to fill out....

i drift to the land of faire
I have missed you, i told The Blue Lady..
i have just this for you The Blue Lady said to me
Your Phoenix will speak to you soon ...

then we were doing alright, Phoenix and me were on the Floor playing tickle.
sometimes messages have a funny way of getting to you, for i doubted Phoenix to be Crystal.
i placed my face on the bottom of Phoenix's feet, tickle, tickle, but a tickle of his feet wasnt what he wanted. i felt him lock into my eyes, as i then played pick a boo with his feet, then i felt the crystalline energy of my son embrace me, Phoenix told me to send energy to him, and if you are familar with REiki, i was sending reiki energy to him. and everytime i would send a wave of energy to him, he would start giggling, we did this over and over radiating through each other, with him giggling louder and louder everytime i sent him energy. then i heard The Blue Lady say to me, you have your Crystal Confirmation...........................................
after wards
i felt like i had been touched by the Gods, i have experienced many forms of enlightenment in my lifetime, by evoking the goddes herself, this experience with my Crystal Phoenix,, so far was the most spiritual, and devine of my entire life, i felt my spirit shimmering .
my son had given me a lesson, and that lesson is to help crystal mommies from my experiences through him.
so many crystal mother's dont know how to nurture the crystal energy of there child. and that is onething we must do....another thing Phoenix taught me, when a crystal mother is in doubt about the child being a crystal.... a confirmation will appear like nothing you have ever experienced before. and you will know and never doubt again. a young crystal knows nothing but truth........ and as a mother you must know it to be true.

and here i am once again back to reality, Phoenix said his first word thursday night, dada, and by saturday he said mama......... now he is saying bababa too....
unbelievable, but i must listen carefully to the Blue Lady..........

i recommend crystal caregiver's to learn Reiki, you dont have to pay a fortune for a reiki 1 attunement, besides i would do that 100% free if any Crystal Parent requests an attunement.
Crystal's are born to us for a reason, we did not choose them, they choose us.....

in her, i know i am one

My crystal baby

i imagined you long ago inside my mind, and in my dreams i hugged and kissed you a thousand times.

you all i ever i wanted, you were the only thing i dreamed of for eight years. the days would pass and i would see children i thought you might would look like. beautiful brown eyes with long dark eyelashes. skin as brown as a coconut.

i tried so desperately to get you here. i longed to see the sunlight in your hair.

Now, you are here,

your hair glistens in the sunlight, your eyes are so brown i feel you peeking through to my soul. you observe the world as i knew you would.

sometimes i feel my heart will over flow, but it just flows right through to the Phoenix and back again. an energy so striking for a child of 14 months. he doesnt speak much, but tells me everything i need to know.
i can see it in his smile
how much he loves the world
i wonder about this Crystal Baby my Phoenix.. Destiny will Tell
I want to start by Saying I LOVE YOU

Phoenix Rising

i had visions of a son
i knew that could never be
the visions of this child were so vivid so real
the BLue Lady SAYS you will have a son
"the phoenix"
my soulmate says okay
i went to rio bravo mexico
thank you dr roberto perez
i got pregnant once
my sweet baby angel grew wings at 8 weeks
i got pregnant twice
my sweet baby angel grew wings at 16 weeks
i got pregnant three times
my sweet phoenix was born
born of a vision. phoenix rising
in her, i know i'm one
http://eternalsunshineofthesplitmind.blogspot.com/