that Jesus thing. my confession

*** this post was originally written for my other Blog
http://eternalsunshineofthesplitmind.blogspot.com/
i thought it would serve purpose over here. my early beginnings with the Christ Energy is important to this blog autism and the Crystal Baby.***


ever since i can remember, and that's a long time now.
I have have had a strange spiritual connection to the world.
i do believe that the divine is ALL of our beliefs in one womb of energy.

me and jesus. and God at the nightmares i had. my grandfather being an artist at wood carving gave me this wood carving of the crucifixion of jesus at the age of 11. I treasured it when he gave me the carving, not because of jesus but because my grandfather gave it to me.
I was not raised christian, but everyone else was raised Christian at school. and i thought that was the way.
when i arrived home with the carving , i hung it up in my wall with great pride.
maybe a few years went by, and then one day the dreams started or should i say nightmares.
my confession..
i would dream and dream of the crucifix that my grandfather carved me. and then oneday, the crucifix carving of jesus began falling off the walls and shattering into pieces. i would awake and see the crucifix still hanging on the wall. the dreams would continue and haunt me. recurring once a week.. could you imagine the fear i had? i was dreaming of jesus shattering to the floor..
it was just awful. i had no one to talk to.. in my young mind, i did not understand why this beloved jesus kept terrifying me.
i decided to go to church with my little friends as a way to get out of the house, and maybe to get the jesus thing to an understanding. at that time i did not.
several years after that, i found myself pregnant with my first born son. and his aunt at the time insisted that i needed saving through jesus christ the lord and savior. this aunt is paternal, i would like to add..
i remember her sitting me down and her and two older women began praying over me, asking me over and over,, do you take jesus christ as your lord and savior? and i just said "YES!"
now, this was a turning point for me in my life spiritually. I actually felt Jesus , but what happened next is odd.. Jesus only decided to enter my spirit partially. I felt him, but he did not save me. I remember in my mind, "this is NOT right" and Jesus exited from me.
i did not speak EVER of this, letting the women know i was okay...
i went on for years, kinda lost spiritually...
then believe it or not, strangely witchcraft came into my life... witch craft spiritually fed me. i learned to meditate and get a grasp on my energy. I was told Once in a coven full moon gathering, that I could move mountains with that energy. I did not understand that either.
my life was full of fairies, and gnomes, and i was adored by the Gods. as, i have been my entire life....
one afternoon in my mid twenties i was in the middle of an afternoon nap. i was drifting between the veils of the world....... and then. Jesus appeared to me in my home. i did not know what to do?? my eyes were beholding Jesus Christ,i remembered that christ energy from when i was"saved" so, i just bowed on my knees. I thought that was what i was suppose to do. Right?
I remember looking up to Jesus, and Jesus shook his head NO at me, he didnt speak but his intentions came through my spirit, jesus said" stand up child. and look at me in the Eyes. and i did. what was jesus telling me? maybe i didnt have to bow.
i knew after that i had a solid relationship with Jesus. But not as a Christian. funny....Right?
or if you are Christian you are probably praying for me as we speak. if you think you heard laughter you did.... it was me!
i dont think there are many christians who can say they have had a Face to face with Jesus!
if i am ever asked about being christian? i always say, i am not christian, but i know Jesus really well. tadaaaa
I cant be a Christian, i do not believe Jesus wanted the church to become a business, and put fear into people. Jesus just wanted Love and Peace...
on occasion i will meet a person who is naturally connected with pure love for jesus and that's cool, i can beam up that spiritual energy.. i love my abilities. I am able to Tapp All Spiritual energy. why limit yourself, the spirit does not..
plz, readers,christians, and people of all faiths..
take some time today and think about humanity. and our mother earth, she's not very happy right now, and she's been a rumbling....... and that's never good, as we have lost thousands of lives because of it.
send your goodwill thoughts and prayers to the people who need it the most.


in her i know i am one

Hoping for Hope

even though i been feeling like the biggest Bitch lately. i have been so tired..
our world is at a big unrest.. it seems every moment I think of the sadness for Japan. God Bless those people. the earthquake and tsunami devastated to biblical portions for the People of Japan. The Japanese are remarkable, at the showing the world Humanity at its best.. sitting together quietly in a shelter trying to to keep warm. it is sad to think at the suffering that is happening...their villages have been left a muddy wasteland.
I will keep Hope in the new Idea of the next generation. the star children. I believe that if we teach these Star Children about the genuine truth, that We are All Humanity.. We are all the same color underneath. We are all People.
what can i do? i can be a good mother to Phoenix. and teach Phoenix tolerance and love to All People. Beginning Phoenix's lesson at home, learning of tolerance and love for his family. Teaching a Crystal child that a family will not always see eye to eye but the love always remains in the Home is a lesson taught daily..
maybe This is just All bigger than Me.
My Hope keeps me going,, the next generations can make a difference in the way we view our world our People,our humanity our hope.
please say a prayer, say a prayer for the Japanese.. and one more for Peace..

the self Model... the Autistic Crystal

let me get my mind right.. its like life has been a blur.

Phoenix has been attending his weekly private speech therapist. and during a recent session she recomended for Phoenix to begin self modeling. I think to myself WTH.. she asked me" do you have a video camera?" i think,,,,,,,, NO, i dont have a video camera... uh.. how much is a camera,, i ponder,, one more thing to buy... but... Phoenix's father was very happy to purchase a new electronic device to play with.. Self modeling is a video or picture of the child doing an action or learning an objective. and replaying, so the child can see himself and remember.
After Phoenix's birthday, we wanted to take him on a special trip to the ZOO. Phoenix is such the worshipped child by his father. Anything is his wish....
I was worried Phoenix would stray during the trip, and i did the unthinkable. I purchased for my Crystal Baby, A........ monkey backpack leash. the monkey is a little backpack with a zipper and the tail of the monkey serves as the Leash.
Safety....safety First.. then team work.. ;) I believe it was the best thing i ever purchased. we took Phoenix to see the Dinosaurs and gem stones, crystals and of course "The Hope Diamond"
Phoenix did not experience an overload or melt down around the ancient rocks and stones.
he had a great time, seeing an experiencing,different people and things.....
maybe his father kept him grounded.. idk. but it was fantastic.
Phoenix would point to the Giant elephant in the museum and say "look a there , elephant"
the day was recorded on the new video camera....

when we returned back to the hotel, Phoenix and his father went to the indoor pool for a swim. shew, when Phoenix entered the room the entire Pool was in, he screamed LOUD.
but when we he got in his father's arms and into the warm pool. he calmed down. it was late in the evening and it was just the two of them in the Pool. I was watching and recording phoenix swimming and jumping in the pool, it was self model time... I must say it was very serene looking on at father and son. i felt very much in the connected spiritual world.. heaven for me..

the next day we spent at the Zoo, father,son AND just me...A dream come true, really.
myself and my husband and one triangle loving four year old.

IEP spells Disaster

Happy Birthday to the little Phoenix!! He is now four years Old. I cant believe the Child is even here.. who would have believed in this miracle ten years ago.. that would have been no one but me................
with a birthday for Phoenix, comes his annual IEP meeting. and IEP is short for Individualized Education Program........ He has been in the public school system for one full year. If you asked if i saw any difference in him. IDK.. really? Phoenix is a different child when he is home, his mind seems to have no limits except in speech. he absorbs all the information around him in remarkable rates. Phoenix has learned some basic shapes, square, triangle, rectangle.. he will hold up the shape and name it and count the sides... but, then... One day at a Stop Sign, Phoenix looked at the Stop Sign and said " octagon " and counted to eight. I just shook my head..... What else is in that mind of his and he cant make words come out............ he has named shapes for his school speech therapist, it seems there has to be level of trust, between Phoenix and who ever he is sharing what he knows with.... Imagine...if he could tell you what he saw in his mind and dreams.
back to the IEP meeting...... Phoenix's Early Childhood teacher,School Speech Therapist, the Principle, and the JK teacher was there. I was good with Phoenix's progress and the IEP that the public school was offering. Until I realized why the JK teacher was there! the continuing plan for Phoenix is this. He will finish Early childhood class when he is five years old. He will Not be in a Special Education Class but into the JK class. I could not believe what i was hearing, Phoenix was going to be Held back, before he even enters kindergarten.
or he could go to the local Autism Center......... the principal said.....
UGG.. i felt mortally wounded.......... All because Phoenix is lacking Social Skills........ Damn, DAMN, Damn.. I thought.......
my first instinct was I wanted to Move! and sadness came over me............ I know Its crazy but its true.
but maybe just maybe, JK wont be too bad, At least the choice isnt mine to make.........
and the Goal of main steaming Phoenix will happen........... UP AND DOWN, goes the Emotions of an Autistic mother.........