Autism and the Crystal Baby

the insomnia of my life

2012-02-19T19:19:00.000-08:00

its was past midnight and i could not go to sleep. that insomnia thing often takes hold of me. my life long problem of drifting to sleep.
it last to long, insomnia
i wonder ...while i lay in my bed, and stare down my hallway. it seems a lot of things manifest there
i wonder, as i try to fall a sleep.
if i had not waited so long for Phoenix
Phoenix
i dont make the rules.
I have taken so many chances, but that's how life goes.
believe me, the Sun in your eyes makes life worth living. Phoenix
i dont know how but i can read your mind.
i try so hard to sleep.
the dream is to drift away.
just for a day.

dark time of the year

2012-01-10T18:32:00.000-08:00

some days I am at a dark spot of emptiness in my self, its winter time in the mountains you know.the dark time of the year.
I am keep calling to the gods, do you hear me calling you. do you hear me calling you? you have always been there for me. I know you can hear me Now.
it will not be long now, and i will call to you No More.
My call to you will become screams. loud screams, begging you to break the curse of Autism.
it is the dark time of the year
i have lost all my thoughts and thrown them to the darkest of nights.
I do not know if Phoenix has improved. I hear his words. it seems i am the only one who understand his words.
Autism is his curse. Autism is my curse.
maybe, i wanted you so deeply madly,Phoenix. i caused your curse. my selfish love and wanting of one of my dreams to come true.
I have been told many, times, by different people in Phoenix's life. That Autistic children are gifted. I do not know what that gift maybe, for Phoenix. Phoenix's gift could be his mere existence into this world.
the warmth of Phoenix's touch. and the sweetness of his kisses.
how Phoenix came to be was not very simple. a miracle, the gift of his life. from years before conception until his birthday.
i waited so long, i will wait some more.
One day when the wind blows the right direction, I will hear three words from Phoenix. i love you.

School for Early Crystals

2011-11-09T11:37:00.000-08:00

Phoenix has been enjoying his Early Childhood class. He has been so excited to get to school lately. he runs to his classroom every morning.
I enjoy seeing the typical children as well as the special needs children. There is a grand mix of children in this years Early Childhood class.
The Early Childhood Class should be called School for Early Crystals.
Another crystal has appeared in the class. and Phoenix Found this one. A girl. She is one of the most beautiful children I have ever seen. the biggest clue of this crystal child, she has giant light blue eyes.
Phoenix grabbed this little girl's hand during playtime Outside, and ran with her to the bench, so, she would sit with him. Phoenix rarely plays with the other children. This was a Huge moment for Phoenix. I do not know what they could have been talking about. but, they were holding hands sitting on the bench.
Then Phoenix, pushed her to the ground and ran away.
Why did he have to push her down, when he had done, so, well communicating with her.
I worry about Phoenix, does he have a conscious?
He is four years old,I remind myself. hey, its hard to keep positive when your child has been diagnosed with Autism.
I try, All reason aside, I have not cried over it.
because I am reminded so graciously from god.
the book of Thomas. from the lost books.
we were all children once.
even Jesus was a child at one time.

School for Early Crystals
Phoenix goes to school to learn social skills and speech. this little crystal biggest skill to learn in school is Patience.
Phoenix has zero patience and he hates waiting in Line in school for things. His Zero patience has gotten him second place in the lunch room line everyday.
Maybe that was his goal to begin with.
I think All People hate waiting, and People hate waiting in lines in amusements parks,we hate waiting in line at the Grocery store. lines line lines
This a normal thing, but Phoenix does not understand the waiting. He thinks things are suppose to happen when he wants them to. snap snap

those Shoes have Heels

2011-10-25T14:23:00.001-07:00

very curious a crystal child is.
anything new, they wish to observe, quietly, they stare. and sometimes they make a quick move.

I went to pick my autistic crystal up from his early childhood class. everyday, his teachers give me the run down on his behavior, his triumphs, and failures of the day.
this particular day, Phoenix was still napping. and it took me a while to wake him up.
his teacher finished with the other students and came over to talk to me.
she started speaking with a giggle, "we had a volunteer helper from the high school today and she was wearing stiletto four inch heels" and Phoenix was curious so very curious.
first the volunteer went outside to the playground and those heels were sinking into the playground with every step she made Phoenix was at her feet. Phoenix was curious, why was her high heels going into the ground. the volunteer then realized maybe she should take those high heels off. then Phoenix really was thrown off. you are suppose to have on shoes when you go outside. Phoenix kept trying to put her high heel shoes back on her feet. Phoenix had never seen shoes like that before.
when the children came back inside from playing, the volunteer put back on her shoes. Phoenix was at her feet by now, closely examining the heels of her shoes.
the volunteer decided to walk away and as her heel went up Phoenix grabbed a hold of the heel of her shoe to look at the heel closer and the entire class watched as she tumbled to the floor. She went down because of Phoenix being curious.
His autism could be the reason for him being so curious about the high heel shoes.
his teacher said the volunteer learned not to wear those kind of shoes today. I cant even wear high heels with Phoenix, I bought a pair of really cute wedges, and no way can I wear those shoes out with Phoenix and those slick as glass floors.
i felt so bad as a mother. Phoenix did not intend for the volunteer to fall to the ground. luckily she was okay and laughed about it.

chomp chomp

2011-10-12T10:38:00.000-07:00

Phoenix has been going to speech therapy once a week to his private speech therapist and twice a week with his school speech therapist. it seems some days Phoenix makes great strides with speech and language, and then their are those Other Days. Autistic parents know what those Other days are.
My Other Day consisted of Phoenix's teacher showing me the bite marks on her arm. Phoenix was drinking water out of the sink and his teacher grabbed him from behind,startled him, and Phoenix took a bite,chomp. god, dont ask me why Phoenix did it. I wanted to rip his little head off. I could not believe my eyes when i saw the mark on her arm. Phoenix's teacher was very nice and understanding. She said he is mild compared to what she handled at the Autism Center. I know his teacher is trained to handle these situations, but still.,,,,,,,,,,, it doesnt make me feel any better. i just feel lost in these transitional Autism moments....
Phoenix had his four year wellness check up.complete with vaccines, oh it was madness. just madness. Phoenix had to be held down by his father and two nurses, while the doctor gave him the vaccines. his doctor referred us to a near by university, to maybe help more with his speech and language. his asian doctor said sometime Autistic children never improve. i was crushed .
I knew she was probably right. I have had opportunities to see other autistic children, some on one end of the Autism spectrum,and the rest on the other end. Phoenix is in the middle,i would guess.
His speech is improving, but at snail's speed.

the Spoken Word is a foreign language to An Autistic Crystal

2011-09-12T12:13:00.000-07:00

I have been thinking about this story for a while now. sometimes it takes me a while to get my thought on here. I am have been doing the best i can . phoenix's father has been home on vacation. my goodness, i find it impossible to write when he is home.
Over the last couple of weeks Phoenix has been enjoying educational videos on the computer.and after the insistence of Phoenix's speech therapist, i searched for a verb video. and what i discovered was more than a verb video.
for my Phoenix, the spoken word is forced. if given the choice, Phoenix probably would not talk.
I always remind him" Use your words!"
I remember when Phoenix said his first words, he was 18 months old, and he tried to say dada.. but it did not sound like dada, it was more a deedee.
i know most people have taken a class in a foreign language, spanish, french, Italian,,
we would learn to speak their foreign accent, sound and words.
teaching Phoenix English, is what comes to mind. So, I began with a Present Continuous verb video.
you are watching tv
are you watching tv
you are not watching tv

and wow, what an incredible response i have had with Phoenix. His vocabulary is growing.
teaching Phoenix English?or the spoken word......... hmm

the Incredible Sense of Balance

2011-08-25T07:17:00.001-07:00

The little crystal baby Phoenix is back in school. and i am back at my desk. wow, it feels great to have a clear mind. shew, Phoenix was a handful this Summer. but, i think we worked hard on his letters and numbers, which he absolutely loves, loves,loves, letters and numbers. he always has. even his speech therapist has mentioned to me his incredible love of Letters and numbers. Phoenix his now beginning to learn the sounds of the alphabets. its been very easy for him. With Phoenix's visual learning abilities, and fantastic music internet phonics videos, played over and over. Phoenix is learning fast. sadly, Phoenix's early childhood teacher told me she did not know yet if Phoenix would go to junior kindergarten or to a special education class. Phoenix's teacher explained to me that J/K is academically driven. i think to myself "WTH" Phoenix will not stay still in a chair for longer than 10 minutes, so,, yep. I am sorry my four year son cant stay STILL! Right?
But, Phoenix, can write his name and his letters. oh, why, does Autism have do be so Complex and emotional?...

I would like to share with you today something I have been noticing more and more with Phoenix. It is HIGHLY noted that Crystal Children have an incredible Sense of Balance.
I have noted on this Blog somewhere, i am sure, when Phoenix was about two years old, he began to climb on top of our dining room table, and walk to the edge of the table and balance off the table,tipping his toes forward. it was incredible to witness, my sons girlfriend even noted it.
it was completely normal for Phoenix to do this. balance off the ends of furniture. I thought this is what was meant by, Crystal Children have an incredible Sense of Balance........
to my surprise, this summer. Phoenix began doing another type of Balance.
Phoenix can Flip and Cart wheel, and Now, he stands on his head on furniture and balances on his head, with his feet and knees and he moves back and forth like a clock pendulum.
Its incredible, its like he is in perfect motion and Balance with all that IS......
that incredible sense of Balance is, not What I thought it was. It's Not What I thought AT ALL.
Its not only Phoenix's ability to to Balance off a table, or balance a tight rope, or balance across a Balance Beam in gymnastics.
Its the Balance of All things.
Phoenix is Mastering Balance more and More everyday. Balance. and not by me. I dont know where he comes up with what he does. How did he Know to stand on his Head and Swing his body in perfect Motion and Balance. You would now believe how happy and content Phoenix is when he is balancing upside down, on his head with his legs and feet perfectly placed to balance back and forth for minutes upon minutes.
Crystal Children are incredible. Balance is so important. I have never seen a child, my child, who needs both of his parents every single day. again, balance....balance everything that is Balance.

Summer is about to end

2011-08-17T18:39:00.000-07:00

Phoenix has consumed me this summer. day in and day out. Phoenix, Phoenix ,Phoenix. My son. I dont think you realize how much energy it takes to be a Mother to one of these Crystal children. I knew before he was born, he was going to be a handful. I feel like i am loosing my mind.
I think i will be able to Remove this Summer writers block. the last day of school seems like a life time ago. I feel like i have been gone from Autism and the Crystal Baby for So Long.
I have been struggling with writing lately. I know where i am needed. and its here.
Autism , the Gift of Autism, the Curse of Autism. Or Simply Phoenix Does Not Like to talk verbally. AT ALL. Phoenix would be happy if he didnt have to say another word.
next week, school begins, Phoenix will return to School, with new classmates. and Typicals, Typicals. I just want to hide sometimes. My Phoenix is not like your typical Four year old. and I feel Like the entire world Knows and Sees it. I can Not second guess myself. I have a lot to write. and then there are Parents who need to find me and read.
Phoenix is four years old. He can write his name. and can write and draw, letters and numbers and can read a few simple words. its Unbelievable what Phoenix is capable of. his mind has been like a sponge over the last four years.
I will try not to stay away for so Long...........................

That Transition thing..........

2011-07-20T16:55:00.001-07:00

the summer blues are setting in. its hot in the mountains with not much to do.
Phoenix is growing and learning faster and faster. he can write his name. he calls it drawing his name. he can also draw his letters and numbers. its strange ,i can tell he imagines how to draw his letters in his head, as Phoenix thinks and puts thought to paper.
every weekend our neighbor has her grandchildren over. there's about four Typicals.
They always Invite Phoenix over to Play. Phoenix just runs away, and could care less about those children. I just try to smile as they ask Phoenix to come over.
its hard to handle but, I overheard the Children talking about Phoenix. One of the children said to the Other. " Phoenix DONT LEARN RIGHT!"
its crushing.. its things i dont understand. my son can do things typical children can not.
Maybe he does learn right but differently, and his memory is that of an elephant. he never forgets anything, except, he does forget how to use his words. and that would be the only thing, most of the time i believe he chooses not to use his words on purpose.

I know i am not the only parent of an autistic child that has felt this way. Yes, its clearly obvious my son is different than yours. he is nothing like your typical four year old.
as of late, transitioning from one task to the other as been dreadful. me and Phoenix's dad took him on a vacation to a waterpark. and Phoenix Loved it. he didnt understand when we left one pool, that there would be quickly another pool to visit. Phoenix would have a FULL on MeltDOWN when he left each Pool. He could not wrap his head around the transitioning from Ride to Ride ,Pool to Pool. I am sure people thought Phoenix was the biggest brat in the entire world. and at that moment i did do. my entire Body ached from head to toe, trying to pick him up or drag him around. I am sure Parents of autism understand when the kid becomes a limp noodle, and will not walk. I dont know how other parents handle this situation. all i know, is to bend down and pick Phoenix up kicking and screaming. and I calmly tell him we are going to another pool. oh, We all had the best time, but when Phoenix arrived at the next pool, he was happy again.
i do feel like I am on my own alot. its pretty lonely , most people have never been in the presence of autism. and they just do not understand. my family does not understand autism, simply because they are not around Phoenix enough to get to know him.
Transition is hard. Some parents use pictures for transition, but thats just to much for everyday situations. Phoenix's speech therapist recommended a timer with a beeper, to signal when its time to transition to something else. it works during speech therapy, we shall see

Simply Jedi..

2011-07-09T04:57:00.000-07:00

I dont know about this. i still dont know how or why.
Phoenix and I were going shopping. he was in the cart being quiet for once.
we were shopping row by row. Down the juice isle we go. i needed some mix in energy drinks so, i am browsing for my favorite flavors, and i am rather close to the to boxes of mix ins.
the isle beside us had marshmallows, which are Phoenix's favorite. I think because marshmallows are mushy and Phoenix's sensory fingers love rolling the them between his fingers.
anyway, I grab my energy mix ins and look back at my child, and he has a bag of marshmallows in his hands. i could not believe it. but quickly as i begin to wonder how in the world Phoenix managed to get the marshmallows in his hands, a lady and her cart came behind me and i had to get out of her way. and the marshmallows left my mind as i needed to get out of walmart's crazy first of the month shopping day.
i began to wonder more and more about how phoenix got the marshmallows in his hands. i went back to walmart to see how the marshmallows were arranged in the isle. and low and behold the marshmallows were on the bottom 2 shelves. phoenix was in the cart, it was impossible for him to reach them.
I dont know how it happened. i will never know how he got the marshmallows in his hands. scenario after scenario has played in mind. but none make sense.
Phoenix, simply Jedi...........

the Crystal Seeker

2011-06-22T05:46:00.000-07:00

Phoenix is off to camp this week. and he has been having a blast. everyday there is painting and swimming for ages 3-18. All these children at camp have certain disabilities. everything from autism to down syndrome. what i have realized through all my four years of parenting My crystal Baby is that I have been Placed in My Life to seek Crystals. WOW, i must say. I just had another Crystal Child appear to me.
yesterday, i was dropping off Phoenix at camp. along with other parents. and One of the Parents Just asked me, So, What's his Diagnoses? I just turn Around and look at the Parent, "Autism Spectrum Disorder" the Parent was Like Really. then the Parent looks at the lady beside me and Says " i think Your Daughter has Autism."
I think to Myself ... WHOA! Daughter + Autism = a Girl Child with Autism.. hmmm,
I asked the Mother of the Girl.. "can She Talk?" the mother said "Yes"
i looked at her and Said " that's Asperger's Syndrome!"

as the children were waiting in the Van this morning
something told me to start asking Questions about this little girl.
I could not help myself, I was being sucked in by this little girl.
How old is she? how many siblings?
then her mother started telling me everything i needed to know...
she even mentioned she needs to go outside and take long walks..

the girl is twelve is years old meaning She would have to be the Very First of the Crystals to arrive . the year would be 1999 Usually you would think at this Age you would have an Indigo/Crystal combo on your hands. Her energy Lacked the Cutting Energy of an Indigo. I have two Older Indigo Sons and I am very familiar with that Cutting Strike you Down Energy.

this Crystal Girl, Has Huge Black EYES. her eyes look like mirrors. when she looks into your eyes she steals your heart and grabs onto your Soul. She Placed her hand on the Van Window and said to her Mother " Mommy Mommy I love you!" it brought tears to my eyes.

I feel like i just found My favorite baseball player in a pack of baseball cards. its a spiritual RUSH,
to find Crystal child.. But,,, A GIRL!!!!

Which Brings me to wonder today. Its pretty rare to Find an Autistic girl even with Aspergers Syndrome. at least for cities i have moved too. and i will move again.... and again
i think that there is High Possibilities of these Girl Children Diagnosed with Autism being actual Crystal Children.

a Free Lunch

2011-06-12T13:41:00.000-07:00

i received a notice in Phoenix's Book Bag. it Said "FREE Breakfast Free Lunch" i was thinking What in the Hell? i couldnt believe it!! the school Cafeteria is staying Open All Summer So the Children can Eat. the children do have to find transportation to get to the Cafeteria to Eat.
Summer after Summer, i have struggled to find Phoenix something to do, and find Typical Children for him to be around. Day after day i went to the Park, and there would not be anyone there.
here's a chance for Phoenix to be around Typical children in a Social Situation. Lunch time.
I would feel so strange showing Up for the Free Lunch! but i wouldnt be showing Up for a Free Lunch. I would be showing UP with Phoenix to be around Typicals. God, i would feel Shameful, As i have a refrigerator Full of Food, and a drawer full of Ramen noodles. Phoenix's favorite. I only give him half the seasoning packet, its full of yucky sodium.
its one Hell of a thought.
I dont know if i have it in me to show UP with my son..
A free Social Situation.

Cold Spots in my House

2011-06-10T18:36:00.000-07:00

my house has been driving me crazy lately. maybe just too much time in the home.
there have been more and more Occurrences of Cold Spots in this house. as usual, i dismiss them everyday, but this morning, the Cold Spots Sent me into Chills and my hair stood up. I thought to myself "what the Hell" this is becoming a problem ,this house must be a ghost's playground.
you probably think of this as outside the normal. But, Every One, Including yourself, have experienced something ParaNormal. From normal people claiming to have seen a UFO, to ghost encounters. something strange has happened in your Life. think about it, maybe, you Dismissed IT just like I have, Over and Over.
god, help me at the things I have seen over my life time. unbelievable things have happened, right before my eyes and I loved it. When i was a Young Witch i used to believe I could do Anything With Great Confidence.
I used to believe I Could Rule the World.. Spiritually I walked with Gods. When you Do that and get to that level spiritually, you just continue to walk. some people feel that Divinity with Good Ole Jesus. most people are familiar with Jesus. i bet Jesus is Thanked over one million times a DAY!
THANK YA JESUS!
i wish jesus would come get these ghost out of my house. they are beginning to bother me.
back in the day, i could call a team to get them out. but i am so far away from that life NOW.
I am On MY OWN, everyday. and i am okay with that.
i need to focus on Why the Ghosts continue to want their presence known.
from Cold Spots, to faucets turning On, door knobs turning, its happening here.

that TWIN Flame thing..........

2011-06-07T14:23:00.000-07:00

today is the last day of school for the little Phoenix. i cant believe another school year has Come and Gone. that's mere madness, how time just speeds up Faster and Faster as we Grow Older. when i was young time would drag and drag.... but know more. i dont know why, but i am a nervous wreck the last day of school. my sweet second son will be a senior in a matter of hours. maybe that's why i feel so, weird. I could start an entire other Blog on him entitled "the Indigo Teenager!" shew, that kid aint even playing around with his life. he is full throttle in his high school, and i dont push him at all. he is simply Self Driven in a Powerful way. i pray that will carry on into his work ethic.
Phoenix hasnt had much time with his daddy lately. his daddy works and works. and when his daddy his home and has to leave for work Phoenix's heart his crushed and he cries forever... as i have mentioned before Phoenix's lungs are Atomic. shew, my ears ring often...
one day this Past week my husband called me to meet him for dinner because he was working late. when we were leaving and Phoenix did not get to ride in Daddy's truck, he was crushed, and he cried and cried all the way home. i had to open a bottle of bubbles for him and he was okay again.
what i am noticing more and more, is his need of both Parents. maybe, it is the balance. but, i have never seen a child need both of their Parents like he does. my first son, was a daddy's boy, my second son, a mama's boy. and this Son. he needs both of Us. would you think that to be Autism, or his Crystal nature?
Sometimes, in your life you have those, oh, Memories?......
my memory took me back to a Beltaine years ago. Beltaine was my Holiday! anyway,I had just crowned a New May Queen.... So, energy was a GO GO.... into the night me and my husband were
standing next to each other, and this Powerful Third Degree witch came up to us along side my mother. and this witch said ... " OMG YOU are TWIN FLAMES! " i can remember the look in his eyes. yes, the witch was guy. i have met a handful of guy witches. and they were all some of the most Powerful witches i have ever encountered.
I had always knew there something different about me and my husband's relationship. it was a whirlwind courtship. we married after knowing each other for two months. its worked out.
maybe, just maybe Phoenix loves to be wrapped up into that flame. he loves to sit between us and put our faces together to kiss. its so cute.
i have read about Crystal Children being born to loving parents. In Phoenix's Case he is Born out of a flame.....
Twin Flames, soul Mates , Twin Souls, do exist.............

that Rare Unicorn

2011-06-05T04:52:00.000-07:00

the coming of the New Age is Here. i think to myself.. (which i do a lot because i am stuck deep in the mountains)
I went on a field trip with Phoenix's Early Child hood class Last week. the class is filled with seven typicals and eight with developmental delays. Out of fifteen children, I found two crystal children this year. Phoenix and the other Child, both diagnosed with Autism. I have read that Autism Spectrum disorder is so broad. Each child,completely different from sitting in the corner rocking and spinning, with zero words to complete genius that needs to learn to talk.
while on the Field Trip i finally got to observe the two crystal children together. and let me tell you, these two Autistic Crystal children were talking to each other, but in their own gibberish language. the very same language gibberish Phoenix uses at home, but then i remind him to "use his words" it was an amazing experience. i asked his teacher if this was a common occurrence between the two, and she said usually when the two are Outside on the playground. hmmm?? Now, i want to tell you about the similarities of these two Autistic Crystal Children..
from talking to Phoenix's teacher about the two children. Both of these children have incredible memory. Both knew their letters and numbers by age two. Both Know their shapes. and Both are beginning to sound out the letters. and are clearly on the Path to reading. and finally both are four years old and will be five in the year 2012. of course in many ways they are different.
Phoenix's Sensory issues are off the Chart. he constantly needs to ground himself. he grounds himself by taking his socks and shoes off and Phoenix's beloved Fluffy..... but, as far as their Educational Mind and their ability to learn are at the same incredible rate.
i want you to think about how a parent should feel, think about your child at two years old that barely spoke a word. but in one moment in a toy store, you child jumps from his stroller to get to a bucket that held wooden letters. he would pick different letters up at random and used his voice to share the alphabet with you. wouldnt you be very Confused?
I had a hard time figuring out in Speech therapy separating Phoenix's knowledge and Phoenix's ability to communicate or Talk. I just could not wrap my mind around it. it made zero sense to me.
at times i search the internet searching for Crystal Children stories. i have found a couple of forums and groups here and there. but, as soon as i read that the Alleged young Crystal Child Can Talk and can talk in full sentences , i quickly click to another story. and then to another and another. There is no suffering there. that child can talk. Autism did not become your child's LABEL and you believe you have a Crystal Child. that child would be rare to encounter, like a Unicorn. but i read Far more stories about talking Crystals. I want to read about Autistic Crystals. Now, these children are interesting. these Crystal Children can command in the Spiritual World. not even on purpose, not even with words, just their mere presence.
there is also Autistic children that are NOT Crystals. those exists too.
with ALL Due Respect to my Readers, If you believe you have a Crystal Child that can talk. you have that Rare unicorn.
with phoenix it is like he has trouble forming his words. he tries and it comes out close, he really has to work Hard at saying the word Lemonade. he tries and tries.
i bet Phoenix thinks to himself, I don't speak your Language..............

I write to enlight

2011-06-01T13:08:00.000-07:00

the ghosts have BEEN dancing around the house again. i saw a large shadow pass by in the living room. i thought it could have been my oldest Son. I went to investigate, down the hall i went, I opened my son's door to ask. hi,. and of course he had been sitting in the room the entire time. i do not know what is going on in this house? I imagine, I should just Ask Them "what is happening here?" I am tired of the ghost playing around. it is very curious, but then it gets to the point where it becomes aggravating. to be honest i do not want to be messing between the veils of the world right now. It just opens my spirit to things i just do not wish to face right Now. Not with all the love and light I have to send to each individual son and then my husband. oh my..
Somedays, i think to myself Why do i keep writing this Silly Blog. I write about strange things that most People would think would be absolutely unbelievable. I write because I feel there is a Parent that could feel alone and isolated raising their Crystal child. and know You are not...
i become A Different person when i begin writing this blog. my spiritual side comes shining through... its a wonder the ghosts are dancing in my house. their attracted to such Light.
...........................................................................................
it has taken me days and days to write this story. my mind is here and there and everywhere.
dont ask where i have been???

days have gone have by, and One night Again They have appeared Again. In a line Again. One after another and another. In a line going into Phoenix's room.
its is an experience. i need to wait late into the evening to take my medicine because i quickly go to sleep. i will then take a more in depth look into the phenomenon.

I have read about the Characteristics of Children hundreds of times. these crystal children are all portrayed with Fluffy Bunny Energy. I tell you from my experience, that is not Always the Case. Phoenix can Grow Horns in an Ultimate Moment and still Control the Situation. I believe since cutting down On Phoenix's sugar intake , it has made him a different child, with more and more words. and better results at Speech therapy. in the mean time, he grows more dominant with words.
One more week of school to go, and i cut down more on his sugar. it is so hard to cut sugar out at school......
i will leave you for now...............
Shelly StarZZ

Becoming Magenta.....

2011-05-25T17:48:00.001-07:00

I have begun to notice huge changes in Phoenix. Phoenix was becoming different, different on a vibration level. the little crystal boy, in Phoenix's class has a happy bunny like energy. that crystal child is On the golden ray. 100%. Phoenix was born unto this Golden Ray but has evolved to the Magenta Ray. i could not understand what was happening to him. Phoenix has become more and more dominant. His personality is strong willed. So, Strong willed that he has total Control of his assistant teacher. i mentioned to her to take control of the situation. Or Phoenix will Melt Down unto oblivion.. Then comes back Bigger and stronger. Phoenix.....
my Phoenix on the other Hand has become an Artist on many levels. he can draw and draws i posted just a few of his pictures. but he draws and colors and paints. he loves it. Phoenix has strong interest in music, from trying to play his guitar, to him drumming late into the evening on his bongos and Congos. Phoenix is either drawing or creating music with drums, keyboard or rattles. and if he is bored with that he is learning the sounds of letters in the alphabet.
one thing, Phoenix has become Ultra sensitive. We have had to eliminate all sugar from his Diet, as it has caused Great Changes him and his behavior. so, we have cut all cookies and cakes and junk. its okay, his favorite snack is raisins.
Phoenix has been battling another Ear Infection. The more i read and study crystal children, the more i read about Crystal Children having numerous Ear Infections. I have read that something becomes off balance with the child or family and an Ear Infection is soon to follow with a Crystal Child.
Phoenix has had extreme bouts with Ear infections. His fever this Past weekend was 103.5. me and his DAD rushed him to the Hospital. his doctor's office was closed. Phoenix was held down and given two shots. you see, phoenix REFUSES ALL medicine. we cant put the medicine in juice, we cant hold him down and give him medicine, he clamps his mouth shut. He refuses it, it is the Craziest thing. instead he gets a shot..

Dr Jekyll and Mr Hyde

2011-05-24T06:29:00.000-07:00

my husband has been away alot recently. leaving me and Phoenix home alone and bored. my husband decided to take the afternoon off yesterday, to spend with Phoenix. he is going away again for a couple of days. so, we both went to go get Phoenix out of class early. and when i walked in to get Our son, uh my heart dropped when i walked in the classroom. the entire class was working on a smart board activity. and Phoenix was sitting in the rocking chair all by himself. his assistant was jib jabbing with a substitute. i thought i was going ripp some one's head off. but, i didnt. i did say, i Dont Ever Want to Come BAck In here, and Phoenix is sitting by himself. RAGE. and then sadness comes over me. Once Again, among Phoenix's peers he sticks out, singled out or is isolated.
what i can not understand.. is the difference between the child i wake up in the morning and the child that I leave in the classroom. its like having two different children. Phoenix talks at home, he talks in three word phrases. but, at school he is quiet about himself. or if he is mad about something at school he becomes defiant... he will slam the bathroom door and he will turn the lights on and off. Even with A stern NO his teacher can not make him stop. the teachers probably go through alot with Phoenix,and their patience wears thin with him.. its that darkness about Phoenix. at least he is ONE with both the dark Energy and the Light Energy. but he is Not One with your every day Life energy. that takes SO much work. its incredible.. maybe we will attain balance for him.
school can be overwhelming for him, I imagine, all those kids, everyday. even going to kindergarten was stressful for me .......... school could be stressful for Phoenix.
he knows and does so many things at home.
dr jekyll at home Mr Hyde at school. i hope the potion wears off soon.

Rapture May 21 2011

2011-05-20T07:10:00.000-07:00

I have been reading about the christian group spreading their Gospel around about tomorrow. may 21st.......... gosh, the group went so far as to purchase 2000 billboard signs. you have to wonder..
i would like to write to you about my house. i live in a fairly modern home, and only one other family has ever lived here. Over the years, several of our children have reported extreme paranormal events that have occurred in the house. from, seeing a little girl, to hearing voices, water faucets have turned themselves on, and XBOX has powered itself. my oldest son reported the front door unlocking for him.... now, i have had so much happen to me spiritually. i really cant even meditate anymore, as i can get so deep spiritually that i really dont want to exist but exist in Everything.
i have taken into account what the children have told me, and left it there, almost dismissing them. i get so wrapped up into Phoenix, i just didnt think about it. Until the other night.
i had my first experience in my house. i believe this experience of all my spiritual encounters is UP near The top...... here it is
i was ready for bed and i had laid down for my nights rest. I have extreme insomnia and take diesels to sleep. and it was almost time for my sleeping pill to kick in, and i looked down my hall.
and i saw something unbelievable. i saw energy outlines of different colors, one after the other were moving in waves down my hall. i thought to myself.. "dear God?!" again my sleeping pill is kicking in, but, i was beginning to feel a little fear about what I was seeing. but i had to get one more look at this. i opened my eyes and there they were, one after the other, in a line moving foward. to give you, the reader.. an idea of what this looked like, think back to the 1982 movie Poltergeist. in this movie there is a scene in the film that shows the ghosts coming down the stair case. think of seeing that image but without the skeletons and faces, just the actual ghost. I could not hold my eyes open anymore, i drifted to sleep. i woke the next day and remembered the experience later that morning. when my eldest son came home, i told him about it. the first question he asked "Where were they going?" and i pointed "That WAY" well, "that way" turned out to be in Phoenix's bedroom. my son said "there is something about THAT KID! "
maybe there is something about that Phoenix. i dont know.......
maybe They were here to see PHOENIX.. maybe they are still here? and we live together... who knows?
may 21 2011 is almost here, and if the Christian group is correct, there will be a lot of people who suddenly disappear. i dont think we have to much to worry about yet at least not saturday. 2012 is approaching, we wonder again dont we??
IS the paranormal activity starting to pick UP? it seems it has here....... if that's an indicator, oh MY!
it is sad that People do not see what is happenning. the Christed children Are Here. and they are coming more and more rapidly as Autism Spreads. Autism... the crystal children in disguise..

Kryptonite Cupcakes...

2011-05-18T13:54:00.001-07:00

It seems Phoenix's early childhood class has been in Birthday mode. And with birthday's come the cupcakes. Cupcakes and more Cupcakes. I have mentioned to Phoenix's teacher about his extreme sugar sensitivity. that does not make the Cupcakes go away, birthday's come and birthday's go.... I wonder....... if his sugar sensitivity was an allergy and treated like a Peanut allergy, there would be No More of those awful Kryptonite cupcakes. NONE! i understand the difference between allergy and sensitivity. you could ultimately die from a Peanut allergy.
i can tell you this
i can sit back on the couch and watch Phoenix become a different child after he eats a cupcake.
different kinds of cupcakes effects phoenix differently. just like the different colors of Kryptonite, Green, Red, Blue, Gold, black........effect Superman. thus i bring you the Kryptonite Cupcake.
the most gentle of Cupcakes would be white cake and vanilla frosting, after a couple of glasses of water and a few hours Phoenix's patience and words come around.
and the worst of the Kryptonite Cupcakes is by FAR, the Chocolate Cupcake with Chocolate frosting... Just one of those Cupcakes takes Phoenix somewhere far, far, away.......... its sad, because Phoenix doesnt understand any of this..... he just says on the way to school " cupcakes,, OH BOY.. birthday birthday!"
if you were a mother, and you witness your child just suddenly disappear and just become a whole different child.. and cupcakes are to Blame. what would you do? tell his teacher, no, NO cupcakes for Phoenix, and the rest of the children get cupcakes....... that would make him seem even more different. maybe as his tiny body grows, he will be able to tolerate more sugar... until then..........

the EDCD waiver.

2011-05-10T06:13:00.000-07:00

i just took a deep breathe as i begin to write this.
the EDCD waiver is One of the Most Unbelievable things i have ever Heard of.
The EDCD waiver stands for Elderly and Disabled Consumer Directed waiver. This waiver serves elderly and persons of all ages with disabilities. An individual must meet nursing facility eligibility requirements including both medical and functional needs.
you can read here for a more in depth look at the EDCD waiver.
http://cuddlebugkids.blogspot.com/2010/01/va-medicaid-edcd-waiver-introduction-in.html

i was first introduced to the EDCD waiver from Phoenix's former Occupational therapist. She happen to call me and asked about Phoenix attending summer camp. and in the conversation, somehow it turned to this waiver.
The EDCD waiver would allow Phoenix 20 hours a week of in home care. WHAT?
and then i was told that The EDCD waiver wasnt based on Our Family Income. The edcd waiver was Based On Phoenix's Income! WHAT! He is four. But then i was told of the many autistic children who receive SSI. a social security disability benefit check a month. Then i thought back for a moment to the Day Phoenix was diagnosed with Autism. At the end of the appointment Phoenix's Doctor asked us if we wanted her to start the paper work for SSI. me and my husband looked at each other and laughed. No thank you. anyway, back to the EDCD waiver..
my next question about the EDCD waiver was Funding. Where does the money come from? the answer. Federal Funds. again i thought to myself, what? REALLY. our National Debt is spinning out of control, and if approved for the EDCD waiver Phoenix would have a 20 hour per week NANNY! and FULL medicaid benefits PAID by YOU THE AMERICAN TAXPAYER.
I do not think the EDCD waiver is for Phoenix..I stay at home full time to take care off him. I know there are many Parents working full time and could benefit from the 20 hour in home care
for their Autistic child
Parents of Autistic children who really need the HELP, please by all means call your local Health department TODAY and ask about the EDCD waiver. it could take months to get the Ball rolling. The EDCD waiver looks to be a HUGE Loop Hole for Autism care. and i know PARENTS need all the help they can get with a low functioning Autistic... bless your hearts everyone...........

Phoenix is potty trained, he can dress himself, though sometimes his clothes are backwards. he can go in the snack drawer and help himself to the raisins.
Phoenix just being able to do those things would make him ineligible for the waiver.

I will tell you, when i was on the phone with the Health department, researching the EDCD waiver, the lady at the Health department blew me away. She asked " what kind of Autism does your Son have?" .................. UH???????? uh? uh?
i drew a blank. i said "I dont know?"
the High Function Autistic diagnoses Left my mind.. and i honestly dont think about what type of autism Phoenix has........ i do know he is CRYSTAL.............

well, i finally remembered to Ask Phoenix's Early childhood teacher about Occupational Therapy at school. Phoenix has a lot of sensory issues, but he did not qualify for Occupational Therapy because of his ability to draw and write. I just looked at his Teacher with wonder.. WTH.. REALLY? this must be a part of the High functioning autism Spectrum rainbow... i asked Phoenix's teacher. " is that Good he didnt qualify?" she said YES...

all their eyes

2011-05-04T13:24:00.000-07:00

Phoenix and I went to Walmart to gather some groceries after Speech Therapy today. We were buzzing through Walmart just like usual. Phoenix was in the square part of the cart, just minding his business looking at all the people and of course the Giant Wall of Candy beside him. then, we approached an elderly silver hair man. he looked at me and then to Phoenix sitting in the cart. He looked me in the Eyes and said to me " GOD BLESS YOU, god bless you and your SON! i just rolled my son away as quick as i could. I thought to myself LOUDLY " That Just Happened. JESUS CHRIST!"
Well, bring it on.gimmie More... HA... give ME all your Blessings... I will take them thank you.
But i will will tell you this...
it can be humbling, it can be amazing, and just down right unnerving. and People wonder about me, ALL the time...I keep everything so secret, when you meet me face to face. i will look you in the eyes but that is ALL. I have lived in this town for three years and i know NO one but They All Know me.. could you imagine that?.. it will be Summer soon, and i will begin covering my face again with Giant hats and BLAck sunglasses, the mountain Sun stings my face, the more I Cover Up, the more i will stick out... and that it Turn will make phoenix stick out.. OH, and when i go to Phoenix's school to Pick him up, its feels like the entire town is there Picking up their kids... I just want to RUN the other way, but instead i get to Walk Past All the Parents waiting in the Hallway for the BELL to ring. Phoenix's Early Childhood Class is in the middle of the school, so, i get to walk past all these People to get to my Phoenix. and when I get him, I have to walk Past the People again. this alone drives me mad... I feel ALL their EYES.........
if you are wondering how or why these people know me,or even my name..... I wonder the same thing.....but, i could blame this on my husband.. I could...
okay, so back to Autism and the Crystal baby, i think a little http://eternalsunshineofthesplitmind.blogspot.com/ came out on the page.. whoopsie..
Phoenix is doing okay other than kicking and biting... in class.. his report card actually read that.. I couldnt believe it. but okay.. his early childhood class is going okay except story time in the library. phoenix hates it, he cant sit still through storytime. Phoenix's teacher explained to me that most four year olds have a hard time sitting still.. hmmm i agree.
next year Phoenix will begin math, because he loves numbers and shapes so much.. i believe he will benefit from learning something he enjoys..

Say No to Chocolate Candy

2011-04-29T06:07:00.000-07:00

the Easter bunny payed a visit to Phoenix on Sunday. Now, every child needs a Chocolate Bunny on Easter. its the American Way. SO I THOUGHT! Phoenix totally LEFT the building. For days after he ate his Chocolate bunny he was a totally different child. He cried and pouted for every moment of the day unless he was sleeping or taking a drink from his cup.
me and his dad could not figure out what was wrong with Phoenix. He couldnt even use his words...
Finally on Wednesday Phoenix returned Home. It was amazing watching him come to me. His WORDS were flowing again and then it dawned on me. That damn Easter Candy. His basket only contained one small pack of skittles, 1 chocolate bunny, and some kool aid looking powder with a stick. And that's what caused it...... Phoenix's skin rash even returned... it was a messy couple of days. but, WE made it and learned a valuable lesson about chocolate and candy. SAY NO!
For all the Autistic crystal Mothers and Fathers, I wonder if you have ever experienced anything like what we experience with Candy. from Now on Phoenix will be receiving boxes of raisins in his Easter basket.

Hair cut

2011-04-27T05:27:00.000-07:00

It was time for Phoenix's hair to be cut. Phoenix's hair when long is straight and thin. and his hair get tangles so easy. the only solution for his hair was a Hair cut. Now, taking Phoenix to a salon or barber shop for his hair cut is out of the question. His autism would show big time, and i could not risk someone poking my son in the eyes with scissors. I could not imagine the immense melt down that would happen. Which autistic children are known for...
well, whats a mom to do. Cut his hair myself. i couldnt stand looking at that rats nest anymore
One evening last week after his shower, i tried to cut it. snip, scream,snip scream, you would have thought i was stabbing him with the scissors. I managed to cut some of his hair but noway near a decent looking hair cut. so, the next evening at after his shower, i cut a little more, still the same, snip, scream, snip scream. thank goodness this haircut happened during his Easter break from school. geez. i believe it took around four days to get his hair cut right... well, at least that's done. but with his temper fits i was so worried about the scissors, but we both made it through the hair cut and tomorrow when Phoenix goes back to school, he will look like the rest of the children.

Passover Begins Again.......... Our Autistic sons

2011-04-19T07:01:00.000-07:00

Passover begins today. I think back to Ancient times when the Israelites Painted their Doors to protect their first born sons. and then i think of Autism.
Autism affects 1-70 boys. Is Autism a great curse from long ago? Autism is taking revenge against our sons. Could Autism be the biggest Plague of all time? We dont understand why autism strikes One Son and Not another Son. What in the Hell is happening here?
Imagine What happens to a Mother and Father. their toddler son is talking, potty trained, and making plenty of Eye Contact. And Over Night their SON looses the ability to talk, cant use the bathroom, and can not look them in the EYE. Something swooped over the Son and took him away.
this Alone will make you want to Paint your Doorpost During Passover..........
I wonder if God hears Our Cries.
Maybe I should just go paint a giant "A" on my door during Passover

Baby Jesus is Everywhere.. the second coming is now.

2011-04-04T19:54:00.000-07:00

good day good evening readers.
I am going to warn you, please read All of my ideas with an Open Mind and Open Heart.
this Idea could come with negative views as Many but Not all Christians are Deep In Religion and not the Spirit.
****************************************************************************************
One day Last week I was Helping Phoenix with hanging up his coat in his Early Childhood Class. and then i happened to look around and their was this little boy with an Autism bracelet headed straight for me. i was bent down helping with Phoenix so I was eye level with this little boy. When this little boy made eye contact with me he ran to me with Open Arms, like he hasnt seen me in years. It was an incredible moment for me. When the little boy hugged me our heart chakras opened together and that's when i felt that familiar energy. that christ energy i had experienced for myself years ago. please read the post below to find out more about my relationship with Jesus and the Christ energy....
with the first eye contact with this little boy, i seem somewhat connected to him. if you have ever been saved by the Christ energy, its very emotional and brings tears to most. and that's what i had felt like. I had been hugged by Christ himself. With Phoenix he holds the Christ Energy , but he is my own Son, and my Love for him overwhelms that energy, and most often Phoenix keeps that Energy of his on LOCK. which is great for All he comes in contact with. he is very particular with who he shares his energy with..Phoenix is a Padawan right now.
what we need to address here is that Christ Energy. Now, Jesus the Man, held the Christ energy. But, Jesus was just a man, plain and simple. can you imagine the pressure Jesus must have felt? holding the Christ energy.
i am beginning to evolve a theory.
in the bible it is says:
The coming of Christ will be instantaneous and worldwide. "For as the lightning comes from the east and flashes to the west, so also will the coming of the Son of Man be." —Matthew 24:27
AUTISM has Arrived in Full force here. is it a coincidence that Autism effects more sons than daughters. i dont know..
Autism is Around the World. and many Autistics are Crystals. these Crystals hold the Christ Energy. I know, from my encounter with Phoenix's classmate. This little boy has hugged me now every time he sees me. Today though.. i was late with Phoenix to school. and the children were at their tables eating .. and The little boy just looked me in the eyes, i winked,, and i thought to him "i love you" then i saw a twinkle in his eyes. his Eyes are a very light Blue.. I felt like he heard me.. telepathic maybe
i wonder? are these autistic crystal children the second coming? They Hold the Christ Energy.
OUR world is in CHAOS... and these crystal Star Children are all over the world. NOW!

Now, Lets review the Seven rays.

The seven rays come out of the white light of the Holy Spirit. The Holy Spirit is like a full complement of all of the rays of the Christ consciousness. These rays are noted by the spectrum of colors that we see in the rainbow. you can read more about this in a previous post.

If you are blessed to receive a Hug from an Autistic take it. its like receiving a blessing.

you can read more about the Seven Rays in a previous post.

why the mess?

2011-04-01T14:05:00.000-07:00

I dont know if any other parents of autistic children go through this...but my Phoenix loves to dump all of his toys out. All of them. I get so tired of picking up those toys. One by One i would get rid of his wooden blocks. i just could not take picking them up anymore. Phoenix often helps picking up his mess, but still, why does he need to drag out every single toy.
I have learned to get him isolated to One room in the house, so the rest of the house stays Nice and Neat. But, sometimes my husband lets Phoenix down stairs to play.. oh, do i get ill real fast. i dont mean to get that way about it, but Why does Phoenix have to make such a mess. i often refer Phoenix to an f-5 tornado on my facebook status.
gosh, its already April and the first day of Autism awareness month. we have alot to be greatful for. Phoenix the crystal baby..
BP9QMGUKYEWE

that Jesus thing. my confession

2011-03-28T14:04:00.000-07:00

*** this post was originally written for my other Blog
http://eternalsunshineofthesplitmind.blogspot.com/
i thought it would serve purpose over here. my early beginnings with the Christ Energy is important to this blog autism and the Crystal Baby.***

ever since i can remember, and that's a long time now.
I have have had a strange spiritual connection to the world.
i do believe that the divine is ALL of our beliefs in one womb of energy.

me and jesus. and God at the nightmares i had. my grandfather being an artist at wood carving gave me this wood carving of the crucifixion of jesus at the age of 11. I treasured it when he gave me the carving, not because of jesus but because my grandfather gave it to me.
I was not raised christian, but everyone else was raised Christian at school. and i thought that was the way.
when i arrived home with the carving , i hung it up in my wall with great pride.
maybe a few years went by, and then one day the dreams started or should i say nightmares.
my confession..
i would dream and dream of the crucifix that my grandfather carved me. and then oneday, the crucifix carving of jesus began falling off the walls and shattering into pieces. i would awake and see the crucifix still hanging on the wall. the dreams would continue and haunt me. recurring once a week.. could you imagine the fear i had? i was dreaming of jesus shattering to the floor..
it was just awful. i had no one to talk to.. in my young mind, i did not understand why this beloved jesus kept terrifying me.
i decided to go to church with my little friends as a way to get out of the house, and maybe to get the jesus thing to an understanding. at that time i did not.
several years after that, i found myself pregnant with my first born son. and his aunt at the time insisted that i needed saving through jesus christ the lord and savior. this aunt is paternal, i would like to add..
i remember her sitting me down and her and two older women began praying over me, asking me over and over,, do you take jesus christ as your lord and savior? and i just said "YES!"
now, this was a turning point for me in my life spiritually. I actually felt Jesus , but what happened next is odd.. Jesus only decided to enter my spirit partially. I felt him, but he did not save me. I remember in my mind, "this is NOT right" and Jesus exited from me.
i did not speak EVER of this, letting the women know i was okay...
i went on for years, kinda lost spiritually...
then believe it or not, strangely witchcraft came into my life... witch craft spiritually fed me. i learned to meditate and get a grasp on my energy. I was told Once in a coven full moon gathering, that I could move mountains with that energy. I did not understand that either.
my life was full of fairies, and gnomes, and i was adored by the Gods. as, i have been my entire life....
one afternoon in my mid twenties i was in the middle of an afternoon nap. i was drifting between the veils of the world....... and then. Jesus appeared to me in my home. i did not know what to do?? my eyes were beholding Jesus Christ,i remembered that christ energy from when i was"saved" so, i just bowed on my knees. I thought that was what i was suppose to do. Right?
I remember looking up to Jesus, and Jesus shook his head NO at me, he didnt speak but his intentions came through my spirit, jesus said" stand up child. and look at me in the Eyes. and i did. what was jesus telling me? maybe i didnt have to bow.
i knew after that i had a solid relationship with Jesus. But not as a Christian. funny....Right?
or if you are Christian you are probably praying for me as we speak. if you think you heard laughter you did.... it was me!
i dont think there are many christians who can say they have had a Face to face with Jesus!
if i am ever asked about being christian? i always say, i am not christian, but i know Jesus really well. tadaaaa
I cant be a Christian, i do not believe Jesus wanted the church to become a business, and put fear into people. Jesus just wanted Love and Peace...
on occasion i will meet a person who is naturally connected with pure love for jesus and that's cool, i can beam up that spiritual energy.. i love my abilities. I am able to Tapp All Spiritual energy. why limit yourself, the spirit does not..
plz, readers,christians, and people of all faiths..
take some time today and think about humanity. and our mother earth, she's not very happy right now, and she's been a rumbling....... and that's never good, as we have lost thousands of lives because of it.
send your goodwill thoughts and prayers to the people who need it the most.

in her i know i am one

Hoping for Hope

2011-03-21T19:07:00.000-07:00

even though i been feeling like the biggest Bitch lately. i have been so tired..
our world is at a big unrest.. it seems every moment I think of the sadness for Japan. God Bless those people. the earthquake and tsunami devastated to biblical portions for the People of Japan. The Japanese are remarkable, at the showing the world Humanity at its best.. sitting together quietly in a shelter trying to to keep warm. it is sad to think at the suffering that is happening...their villages have been left a muddy wasteland.
I will keep Hope in the new Idea of the next generation. the star children. I believe that if we teach these Star Children about the genuine truth, that We are All Humanity.. We are all the same color underneath. We are all People.
what can i do? i can be a good mother to Phoenix. and teach Phoenix tolerance and love to All People. Beginning Phoenix's lesson at home, learning of tolerance and love for his family. Teaching a Crystal child that a family will not always see eye to eye but the love always remains in the Home is a lesson taught daily..
maybe This is just All bigger than Me.
My Hope keeps me going,, the next generations can make a difference in the way we view our world our People,our humanity our hope.
please say a prayer, say a prayer for the Japanese.. and one more for Peace..

the self Model... the Autistic Crystal

2011-03-16T17:41:00.000-07:00

let me get my mind right.. its like life has been a blur.

Phoenix has been attending his weekly private speech therapist. and during a recent session she recomended for Phoenix to begin self modeling. I think to myself WTH.. she asked me" do you have a video camera?" i think,,,,,,,, NO, i dont have a video camera... uh.. how much is a camera,, i ponder,, one more thing to buy... but... Phoenix's father was very happy to purchase a new electronic device to play with.. Self modeling is a video or picture of the child doing an action or learning an objective. and replaying, so the child can see himself and remember.
After Phoenix's birthday, we wanted to take him on a special trip to the ZOO. Phoenix is such the worshipped child by his father. Anything is his wish....
I was worried Phoenix would stray during the trip, and i did the unthinkable. I purchased for my Crystal Baby, A........ monkey backpack leash. the monkey is a little backpack with a zipper and the tail of the monkey serves as the Leash.
Safety....safety First.. then team work.. ;) I believe it was the best thing i ever purchased. we took Phoenix to see the Dinosaurs and gem stones, crystals and of course "The Hope Diamond"
Phoenix did not experience an overload or melt down around the ancient rocks and stones.
he had a great time, seeing an experiencing,different people and things.....
maybe his father kept him grounded.. idk. but it was fantastic.
Phoenix would point to the Giant elephant in the museum and say "look a there , elephant"
the day was recorded on the new video camera....

when we returned back to the hotel, Phoenix and his father went to the indoor pool for a swim. shew, when Phoenix entered the room the entire Pool was in, he screamed LOUD.
but when we he got in his father's arms and into the warm pool. he calmed down. it was late in the evening and it was just the two of them in the Pool. I was watching and recording phoenix swimming and jumping in the pool, it was self model time... I must say it was very serene looking on at father and son. i felt very much in the connected spiritual world.. heaven for me..

the next day we spent at the Zoo, father,son AND just me...A dream come true, really.
myself and my husband and one triangle loving four year old.

IEP spells Disaster

2011-03-04T06:25:00.000-08:00

Happy Birthday to the little Phoenix!! He is now four years Old. I cant believe the Child is even here.. who would have believed in this miracle ten years ago.. that would have been no one but me................
with a birthday for Phoenix, comes his annual IEP meeting. and IEP is short for Individualized Education Program........ He has been in the public school system for one full year. If you asked if i saw any difference in him. IDK.. really? Phoenix is a different child when he is home, his mind seems to have no limits except in speech. he absorbs all the information around him in remarkable rates. Phoenix has learned some basic shapes, square, triangle, rectangle.. he will hold up the shape and name it and count the sides... but, then... One day at a Stop Sign, Phoenix looked at the Stop Sign and said " octagon " and counted to eight. I just shook my head..... What else is in that mind of his and he cant make words come out............ he has named shapes for his school speech therapist, it seems there has to be level of trust, between Phoenix and who ever he is sharing what he knows with.... Imagine...if he could tell you what he saw in his mind and dreams.
back to the IEP meeting...... Phoenix's Early Childhood teacher,School Speech Therapist, the Principle, and the JK teacher was there. I was good with Phoenix's progress and the IEP that the public school was offering. Until I realized why the JK teacher was there! the continuing plan for Phoenix is this. He will finish Early childhood class when he is five years old. He will Not be in a Special Education Class but into the JK class. I could not believe what i was hearing, Phoenix was going to be Held back, before he even enters kindergarten.
or he could go to the local Autism Center......... the principal said.....
UGG.. i felt mortally wounded.......... All because Phoenix is lacking Social Skills........ Damn, DAMN, Damn.. I thought.......
my first instinct was I wanted to Move! and sadness came over me............ I know Its crazy but its true.
but maybe just maybe, JK wont be too bad, At least the choice isnt mine to make.........
and the Goal of main steaming Phoenix will happen........... UP AND DOWN, goes the Emotions of an Autistic mother.........

Pisces and Karmic Astrology

2011-02-23T08:42:00.000-08:00

The typical Pisces Karmic destiny is one of change, variation and sudden shifts of fortune from good to bad. You may be on the top of the world one day, then slip into a a reverse and find yourself scraping the bottom.

The ancients knew of this Karmic burden carried by Pisces, but it is the twelfth house of the Zodiac, called the house of misfortune and self undoing. But take heart, your highly sensitive nature is intuitive and highly developed spiritually.

The symbol of your sign is two fishes-one swimming upstream and one swimming downstream. You can reduce your Karmic debts by making up your mind that you will constantly aim yourself towards the heights of idealism, beauty and good. In this way you will direct your concentration on swimming upstream.

Your ruling planet is Neptune, the sign of mystery that rules nebulous, strange phenomena and the dream world of unreality. You are changeable, vacillating, uncertain and often misdirected by people who are close to you.

Yet this sign is one of the most intuitive, psychic and spiritual of all the signs in the Zodiac. When you choose the upward path, overcome your tendency to daydream and escape responsibility.

You often sacrifice for others. Members of your family and your friends know they can depend on you; because of your kindness and inability to say "No", they often use you and abuse you. This can often bring difficulties as you do not want to believe that people can be evil or that they can harm you. When you do discover that you have been betrayed, you suffer deep hurt and become extremely disillusioned.

Pisces people are fascinated by the mystical things in life. You usually investigate astrology, metaphysics, Yoga teachings, meditation, psychic phenomena, spiritual healing and related subjects. You are a mystic in the true sense of the word.

Because of this tendency towards escapism, you may find yourself unable to cope with practical reality; problems regarding finances, romance, marriage and work often swamp you.

Your Karmic destiny is to build an inner spiritual strength and to rise above the physical and material forces of life. You will be guided to your right destiny if each day you withdraw into quiet meditation and ask for guidance from your higher psychic mind centers.

You tend to be touched by compassion for the suffering of humanity and you constantly strive to relieve the pain of others. The sign of Pisces has a great deal of personal magnetism to those born under this mysterious power.

Romance for Pisces

Your sign is very magnetic; you have a great ability to attract those who love you and want to be romantically involved. This is a great asset but sometimes can be troublesome.

Never rush into marriage until you have known the person for at least a year. Use this trial period to test the other person's character in various situations. You are highly sensitive to the moods of others so try to avoid people who are moody or depressed.

The signs of Capricorn and Taurus are too stubborn and hardheaded for you. They might shock you with their regimentation and outright actions.

The air signs Libra, Gemini and Aquarius might be too changeable and independent for your sign.

You are romantically attracted to those born in the water signs. Scorpio is an excellent sign for you, being loyal, romantic and passionate. But avoid a Scorpio who is not highly developed. They can sting you with their sarcasm.

The water sign of Cancer is good for Pisces. These people are highly sensitive, emotional and idealistic. But do not choose a Cancer who is overly moody and depressed.

With the earth sign of Virgo, your opposite, there will be attraction and detraction.

The signs of Leo, Aries and Sagittarius, all fire signs, should be avoided by Pisceans. They tend to be too strong and dominant for you sensitive, highly emotional nature.

The emotional water sign of Pisces is the sign of patience and tolerance for all people.

Brightest of Blessings,
Lory

Lory Woortman is a writer, water color artist and garden designer. Lory is interested in the study of quantum physics, Norse Myths and Religion. She lives in a small country town in North East Pennsylvania with her writer husband, Ellis and her little dog Dixie. Lory has a blog and written many articles that are "Free," pertaining to Norse Mythology, Shamanism, Runes and Quantum Physics.

http://mistressofenchantment.blogspot.com/

http://www.olevikingshop.builderspot.com/

Article Source: http://EzineArticles.com/?expert=Lory_Woortman

Cure Autism

2011-02-23T04:48:00.001-08:00

this story has been lurking in my mind for months now so here it is..... one day i was in a parking lot and i glanced at the car beside me, and there was a " cure autism ribbon" on her car. i thought to myself, "CURE AUTISM really? " and the thought of curing Autism boggled my mind.. but then Last night I realized maybe the "Cure" would be for the lost fathers out there. As mothers we seem to understand Our autistic Sons . but for the fathers and dads out there.. i wish the cure would be for the father's hearts to be healed. Autism effects a father deeply.. dreams,, a fathers dream for their son to be in their own image...
As Phoenix grows his speech continues to improve. but not fast enough for Phoenix's father. i feel awful for my husband when a Typical child is around him and Phoenix. IT is So Very clear the difference.. and i feel my husbands hurt.... Please find a cure for that Pain.
Phoenix on the other hand is fine. he is talking and is almost Potty trained. Phoenix is Crystal and we cant cure that either......... Sensory is crazy... if you have a crystal child as sensitive as mine, bless your heart.
today is the first day of April... its Autism awareness month... if you are lucky enough to receive a hug from an autistic crystal child... take it.. its very close to heaven..

the wish.. American Tax payer

2011-02-17T06:00:00.000-08:00

if i were to have a wish for my Autistic son, my little crystal child, Phoenix.
i know this may be seem strange for most of my readers, but here is the wish.
the wish for my son is.. to one day Become an AMERICAN TAX PAYER!!! i do not wish for my son to be a burden on medicaid funds, SSI checks, Food stamps. and this is exactly what will happen if we do not change the Tides of the Autism trend. Insurance companies are denying speech therapy, occupational therapy. and anything and everything that is.. Autism. my husband works for a Large and Powerful company in the United States. and That company ALSO says NO to Autism treatments and the company owns the insurance company. here is the only example of insurance coverage for Speech Therapy...... the person would have to be injured, i.e. car wreck, and loose their speech, then, and only then will speech therapy be covered. I have read that parents of autistic children have faked injuries to cover speech in desperation.
"oops JOHN DOE fell down the stairs and lost his speech" BAM speech therapy is COVERED!
Phoenix's per session (not per hour) is $120.00 so, if oneday Phoenix cant make it through an hour his speech therapy session is over. thats...... $120.00 funny right?
some parents can not afford the cost of speech therapy.
where i am, Phoenix is in an early childhood class in the Public school system. and he has a speech therapist provided by the school.
through most of my reading, being a parent of autism.... the earlier and intense therapies work best the younger the child. that's why Phoenix has a private therapist along with the school therapist, and he is in the early childhood class.
God has provided opportunities for Phoenix in so many ways. God put us here in this good Place for Phoenix.
I dont know, but autism is such a mystery. the autistic children are like snow flakes, NO TWO ARE ALIKE. I also believe this to be true of the Crystal children. no two are alike
and as for the wish. Phoenix, when you are old enough, i pray that everything we have done for you amounts to you becoming an AMERICAN TAXPAYER, and not a burden on the state.
i dont understand AMERICA???
pay for Autism therapy NOW, and gain an American tax payer later....
or NOT?

that ITCH?

2011-02-11T07:44:00.000-08:00

I have Been Fighting a reoccurring skin rash on Phoenix. I have used so many products to help clear up this Rash. the doctor prescribed some hydrocortisone 2.5 % and it need not do anything to clear up this Rash. so, then i mixed hydrocortisone and Aveno together to clear up the Rash and it Did Not Work! i even tried, Oil of olay moisturizing shower wash. on him and eliminating bath water on skin.
Well, i love skin products, so, and I have been using cetaphil moisturizing cream for my face in the evening. And one night Phoenix happened to be in my bathroom after a shower. and i just bent down and started smearing the Cetaphil cream all over Phoenix's legs. and i really didnt pay much attention to Phoenix's legs until the next evening at his shower time. and Phoenix's legs appeared soft and not dry at All. well, i thought.
I have continued to keep him moisturized with the Cetaphil. but, i have noticed there have been more skin bumps healing and then reappearing on another area of his skin. i dont know if Phoenix's diet has anything to do with it. Phoenix did get into Candy yesterday and he woke up with really dry skin this morning. i feel so bad for Phoenix because i do not know if his skin itches him or not because of his Autism . but i have never seen him scratch either.. i have noticed when Phoenix's skin is soft his communication is better and he can focus on an activity for longer periods of time.
i dont really know, except i will keep trying cetaphil. if you try the cetaphil for dry skin for your Autistic child, be sure its the cream and not the lotion. the cream has mineral oil in it...

more and more

2011-02-02T21:02:00.000-08:00

dear god please, i dont mean to bother you, but this you can fix. Please hear me cry.
Now, God, I need you, dont fail me.
God has given me a Son. I need my child to be like the rest.
i seem to have so many problems that i dont know an answer to. i want a LIFE for my son with ALL the World has to offer.
Phoenix is talking more and more. Autism sucks. i hate the Label of Autism. even more the label of the high functioning Autistic. which Phoenix has been newly titled. my husband was super pissed until i pointed out some other high functioning autistics.
I believe these super children with fantastic talents are here for a Reason. more and more are born everyday. Phoenix's memory is remarkable..

Escape From Phoenix

2011-01-06T07:33:00.000-08:00

well, if you have stopped by today, you will see that i have Not written in a while. I have suffered great writers Block.
it all started with a visit to my mother's with Phoenix . my mother is highly spiritual. But her spiritual path is different than mine.
From the Moment of Our Arrival, Phoenix was Wired into the Univerese. And at my Mother's it is Full Of Spiritual Energy. I believe their is even a Sweat lodge held on the property at least once a month.
Phoenix went into overLoad. and his behavoir was awful. When he walked into the House he was into everything. In my mother's house, there's crystals, Indian Drums, just all kinds of things.
well, my mother's boyfriend of 20 years doesnt like Children to begin with. And Phoenix unnerved him intensely. So, much so HE had to Go to His Room to get Away from My Son, Phoenix.
i understand that Phoenix's Autism is Really Hard to Comprehend. Hell, somedays I dont get it..
I stood confused.
this is not the first time this has happened to me.
My sister and her boyfriend felt the Same way about Phoenix on a visit . They too wanted to escape my Phoenix.
so, this happened to me Twice, with my Own Family. this Lead me to think and think about Phoenix as a crystal Child.
again we read that Crystal children Are loving in Nature, and people swoon over them in their presence.
when your Own family wants to retreat Away from Him.
this could cause reasonable Doubt.
but, fear Not. the Little Phoenix kept reaching for same book in my library, Over and Over again and pretending to look through the Pages. He lead me to the Lost Books of the Bible. The book of thomas. Reading about Jesus as a child has given me Great Comfort. and Jesus was not a very nice child while growing to be the Messiah.
in other News! Phoenix made the Local Paper! He was in the very center of the picture. it was of him making a gingerbread house with the Other early childhood class.
I wonder what drew the Photographer to Center Phoenix in the Picture?

the tree of my dreams.

2010-10-30T13:42:00.001-07:00

i have wrote many times of my recurring dreams of Phoenix years and years before he arrived.
many times the boy in my dreams sat underneath a large tree.
i knew the tree in my dreams was had red leaves, and i can not explain it, but i knew it was an Oak tree.
when i moved to my new house there was a large tree in our back yard. i didnt know what kind of tree it was. Phoenix has sat underneath this tree for so many hours, playing and digging in the dirt.
i knew i needed to find out what kind of tree this in my yard.
i sent a leaf picture to a tree expert my daddy. my daddy can name any tree. he helped me and my sister pass biology call with our leaf project.
here the email to my daddy
>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>

looks like a red oak to me

----- Original Message -----

From: shelly brown

To:

Sent: Saturday, October 30, 2010 11:47 AM

Subject: my pics

hey daddy,
i just posted some some new pictures on facebook. in those pictures their is a pic of a leaf that belongs to a tree in my backyard. please tell me what kind of tree you think it might be.
thank you
love you. Always
shelly

my life with my son keeps getting more and more mystical. on the other hand, i get depressed and lonely. Phoenix has Autism. and it sucks. plain and simple. i can not explain how
challenging it is to raise a crystal child.
crazy some will say.
i have to find a place for phoenix in the ordinary world.
i wish he just fit. but he was never brought into this world to just fit... he and the other autistic crystal children, will make the world fit them. a path to accenting
his silence, my words i can not teach you.
remember my words. long ago forgotten.

the dark crystal

2010-10-21T17:39:00.000-07:00

we are approaching Halloween. with this Phoenix is having a Sensory Flare. maybe just a coincidence .
although my first magickal lesson was, There are no coincidences in this world.

yesterday was a bad day for Phoenix his teacher told me.
the class was very excited to be celebrating Halloween with a costume Party.. which, i absolutely think is Fantastic. i guess the energy of the excitement was an overload for him. which i want to switch overload to Flare. it makes more sense to me.
the halloween song that the class and him sang all week drove Phoenix into a sensory Flare. he could not tolerate the song on party day. the only thing that had changed was the excitement of the Party.
he started screaming and covering his ears. was Phoenix in Pain? i dont know.
He had a difficult day, he didnt even take a nap. he was up from 7am until 10pm. that's a lot for a three year old.
Phoenix was very glad to see me at the end of the day. His Sensory Flare caused him to go into a dark crystal child. i know this is probably never been written about. Mostly you read about how crystal children are sweet little angels. blessing All that come around them. and all the happy bunny energy.
not my Phoenix. i know its crazy but its true.
when Phoenix is experiencing a sensory Flare, his little body cant handle the immense energy surging through his body. I believe he acts out through covering his ears, and melting down. to protect himself, he reacts through his dark energy.
where Phoenix is Dark, Phoenix is Light.
he knows both of those realms intensely
what i must do for my Phoenix is to teach him how to make energy flow.
everyday though, as soon as he walks in the door from school, he takes his shoes off, and rips his socks off. he then kisses his feet.

maybe this is how he deals with his excessive energy, he already knows how to ground himself. he just cant take his shoes off at school.

Mutant X....

2010-10-21T07:01:00.000-07:00

I have been thinking about this post for sometime.
Phoenix, ahhhh, my sweet but not so sweet boy. ( thats up next)
I would like to write to you about what i have come to realize could be the next generation of humans. Autism is spreading like a wildfire through California. would i dare say we humans are evolving. can you tell, i cant get this off my brain. i wish you could see what i see.
could we be watching evolution right before our eyes? how many people are putting on blindfolds to this?
we would be fools to think humans are done evolving. FOOLS i tell you.

yesterday, i went to the meeting to get Phoenix's private speech therapy in motion. I dont have patience with the school system. and I believe we are about to hire one of the best speech therapist on the east coast. i do not believe she even knows it yet. what sets this speech therapist apart is her Intense Presence I mean INTENSE! you have to Dominate these crystal children. if you have never met a crystal child, they act like supreme beings. crystal children, just Know. and they think we just Know. some of us do not.

Phoenix has to be in control of every situation, all day and all night. Even his teachers conform to Phoenix. i witnessed it for myself this morning, his teacher tried to take his coat off. WHOA! Phoenix ripped her up, meaning, he let out a NO, and i watched his eyes turn from brown with deep black speckles, to deep black. both of his eyes turned into the color of the black speckles. the teacher just backed off and threw her hands up and back up two steps . he literally made her back off him, with one NO and one look.

back to yesterday, my meeting about speech therapy. i met with someone from Phoenix's early intervention team. as well, if you are a reader. Phoenix is SUPER sensitive . i have just come to accept this about him. His human senses are Hyper. Hypersensitivity is as mentioned on my previous post.
anyway, i was discussing how off the charts Phoenix's sensory issues have been lately. and i was talking to her about him covering up his ears when he hears certain sounds.
she actually said to me.. " you know he can hear things that we can not " What? i said to her "Really" she was totally confirming his hyper hearing. She has worked with Phoenix since he was two years old. and as been in this field for 30 years. SO, i believe her. Phoenix just hears things differently than we do.
but again, back to Evolution. Just think about what i have written about. and Phoenix is among 1000's that hear differently or hear things we do not.
theorist want to link autism to pollutants, environmental changes, vaccines, just to name a few.
i do not know what the answer is to this. but haven't frogs mutated from living in polluted water?
just asking?
anything is possible.
Are Phoenix and other Autistic crystal children mutations? my Phoenix can not talk well. he has a speech delay. but where he has this speech delay, he has made up for it, in hearing, and his eye sight. among other areas of his sensory.
I know his sense of touch has always been a little off. FluFFY. (in the search bar type in fluffy for more information on Phoenix's touch sensory)
Smell. I dont know yet.
taste. he likes plain vegetables. his favorite dinner is peas, second lima beans. he has the kiddie plants with the three divisions for food. on the biggest section of the plate, belongs to his vegetables not meat. in the other sections usually a banana, and i try to get him to eat meat, and he is not doing well eating meat. always plain pasta and plain rice.
i supplement him with a vitamin.

before our eyes we are watching Mutants right before eyes.

the spiritual sense. is this sense also HYPER?
things are happening around me. and around me is Phoenix.
who would believe this?

Mutant X..
the new humans......
their all around us.

baby steps Big Steps

2010-10-15T06:33:00.000-07:00

part 1
my heart and soul feels like its getting stomped on right now. the seasons are changing to the dark time of year. and its hurts me physically, emotionally and most of all spiritually. but spiritually speaking its not that spiritual side of me, that shiney glitter glow of spring that radiates from me.. again here comes the dark. the dark side of my spiritual being, the sadness that comes with death of summer. Fall.
I live in the valley of the mountains. right in the middle. the lowest point in the area that i live. so, i watch the slow death of summer right before my eyes with the changing of the leaves.
i believe a lot has happened since the last time i stopped by here in my little piece of the Internet.
Phoenix, which he is the reason you landed on this page.
I learned something new about Phoenix's sensory issues, something i never imagined for the life of me.
Let me begin with saying, Phoenix one day started covering his ears when something he heard bothered him. it took me a long month for the reason to come to me. I am sorry sometimes i just dont get it. but never mind that.
i knew Phoenix has sensory issues. but i did not know what to expect with sensory issues. he plays with his fluffy and rubs it between his finger. His skin is super sensitive. i thought that was apart of his sensory too. he constantly has dry skin, especially now with the seasons changing. his skin has dry patches. right now its his legs, last week its was down his side. he is on a hydocortizone of 2.5 for his skin. He never acts like his dry skin bothers him. I realized not to let him take a bath, only showers, i dont want him sitting in water.
For about a week. different sounds or pitch would cause Phoenix to cover his ears and he would scream out in pain. one after noon his early childhood teacher mentioned Phoenix covering his ears, and panicking when they would be headed to music class. even certain voices from tv causes him to cover his ears. I didnt realize it, but Phoenix's sensory was heighten or elevated.
other people might call this sensory overload.
i started looking on the Internet about autism and sensory issues.and i ran across Sensory Hypersensitivity and Hyposensitivity.
http://www.suite101.com/article.cfm/autism_world/96543
after reading the article.
i realized Phoenix has Hypersensitivity.
the first is Hypervision.
i dont know how many times i have asked Phoenix, "how in the world did you see that?" or "how in the world did you find that?" When he was 6 months old, me and his dad took him to a company christmas party at his boss' house. I remember him playing on the floor and one of the guest commented on Phoenix picking up tiny pieces of lint off the carpet. it is reported on the above article, with hypervision you see particles flying the air. this is usually like rainbow colors floating in the air. But in a Crystal Children point of view here i would like to add , these particles could be of the veil between our world and the spiritual realm. Hypervision
which as children me and baby sister would love to watch the flying colors in our room at night. its a family thing.

Hyperhearing
Phoenix has demonstrated hyperhearing throughout his life.
When i took him to his brother's concert, the drums, which he loves drums. but not this drum, when the kid started playing the big round drum, Phoenix went crazy. He started screaming out in fear. it was something awful. i left the concert quickly, i took Phoenix outside and he could not calm down his fear. it was so bad, 7 months later, when we drop off his brother at school now, Phoenix just starts crying thinking he is going back to the concert.
part2

i left this post for a couple of days.
me and Phoenix's dad have decided to go private for phoenix's speech therapy. i knew it would be very expensive. i prepared myself for $90 maybe $100 per hour. but, i received shocking quote from the therapist. $150 per hour. i felt like i had been punched in the stomach. no wonder parents with austic children are going bankrupt. of course, insurance coverage of autism is just tragic. tragic , i say. we keep getting told NO. insurance will not cover our austic child's therapy. i read out of desperation, parents telling their doctor that they child fell and hit their head, and now, the child cant talk, just to get the insurance to cover the child's speech therapy. it is so sad.
either these children get help now, the earlier the better. or when our autistic children grow up, where will they wind up? what will happen. with the constant diagnosis of autism 1-88 boys right now. in 20 years where will these millions of these children go, fit in. NOW, is the time to act. but, i believe where i live, our insurance coverage for autism keeps getting voting it down. does no one in our congress have austic children?
another thing that bothered me. our insurance company through my husband work. I cant call them out on this. But damn, beginning 2011 the company my husband works for, UH! they are beginning to cover Same Sex couples on their insurance policy. i am 100% for this jump forward in todays world. but what about my son and the other autistic children. they will cover same sex couples because it is the politically correct thing to do. mean while, Autism is left out in the cold again.
i am going to do the best thing i can do. we will wind up paying for our child's therapy. it is worth every cent.
Phoenix's teacher said he probably will not make it into JK or kindergarten. only because of his social skills. funny, but this state requires a kindergarten entrance exam. if you fail, you go to JK. just the other day i met a child who is six years old, but he is in JK. CRAZY ass state i live in. Phoenix would pass the entrance exam right now, to enter kindergarten. but he is lacking social skills. I cant help that my son has no desire to play with the other kids. he is working on it. he is still taking baby steps. Phoenix is finally dancing to music, its a wonderful thing, that's a big step.
i have a meeting today about Phoenix's speech today. i have to fill out paper work, and all that that goes along with that. i am happy and disgusted all that same time.
i am going to do the best i can do.

Everyday I see my Dream

2010-09-28T19:01:00.000-07:00

Phoenix and I have been doing a lot of adjusting lately. Going to a new school has had its challenges. Phoenix's classroom is a lot smaller than the classroom he had last year.
Depending on what mood he is in varies day by day. Usually he is super pissed when i drop him off. And i mean pissed. Shew. When i drop him off at school, he runs to the class rocking chair and sits there and screams. Some days it is just a wimper when i drop him off, and he will sit and pout for a few minutes, then start his day with his classmates, and then some days. Phoenix cries so loud you can hear him in the next room. but, today was a really good day. Phoenix, instead of running to the rocking chair, he joined in with his class and begun his day, without being so pissed at the world. its amazing how Phoenix gets his point across....
at the beginning of school, the school ran a Lock Down drill. In case a crazy person invades the school. Well, all fifteen students and two teachers were in the classroom bathroom. imagine a tiny everything size bathroom for toddlers crammed packed with 8 typical and 7 of the delayed children. with the lights out.. my child had a mega melt down when the lights went out. Phoenix's showed the power of his lungs and vibrated the teachers ear drums. I was told you could her his fear in his voice. i know from experience that when Phoenix's sensory issues are aggravated , the emotion of fear can take over. it seems like once an emotion of his shows within him and directed out , the emotion is amplified.
Everyday it seems like I can see Phoenix's Autism showing itself and to others. He is just different than other children his age. Plain and simple. After the Lock Down Drill, Phoenix decided he wasnt going to use the bathroom in his classroom. I think now, after a couple of weeks he is doing better. But he was so pissed, he went on A Potty strike at school. he refused to pee at schhool
parenting a crystal child is hard work. and getting the crystal children main streamed is even harder work. when i was dreaming of Phoenix all those years ago, in my dreams, there were white picket fences, and tall glorous oak trees. with a little golden hair little boy sitting beneath it.
i had know idea why?

maybe some day

2010-08-30T13:19:00.000-07:00

just as i thought, Phoenix had a terrible meltdown on his first day of school. he ran to the classroom bathroom slammed the door and started screaming as loud as he could. Phoenix was also the first one of the children to open the door and run out of the classroom.
i know he will adjust soon.

there's a lot of news today about autism's link to vaccines. the court of appeals struck in down again.

i dont have an opinion on the vaccine autism link. my son was not one of the children who were born typical, then received a vaccine, and then slip into The autism Spectrum.

When Phoenix was born, he was born On the Spectrum. I kept asking my husband over and over why isnt he crying?... I heard not a sound from him. but what i saw was huge deep black eyes starring back at me. it was if he was communicating through his eyes.
I believe his autism began right then.
I remember the nurses giving him a 5 and 6 on the apgar scale. i think that what its called.

Phoenix has a special gift, i havent figured it out yet. maybe some day

school begins

2010-08-29T13:48:00.000-07:00

tomorrow the little Phoenix returns to school. thanks goodness its a new school, and he will not have a meltdown on the way there. probably when i walked out of the classroom do, he will begin to scream. i am so nervous. the set up of this classroom is different than his last one. there is no safety gate or anything to keep a child from opening the door and escaping the early childhood compound. my Phoenix moves like an Indian, (feather not a dot) he swiftly and fast.

I am a nervous wreck,, i dont want Phoenix to rebel and have a regression, because of starting up school.

i cant wait to see some positive results from using the fish oil in Phoenix's milk.
the Phoenix,
my dreams for you this school year
make some friends
play with others
make it in the end of the year school program play for parents
put more words together
be a good boy

there will two other children in his class with autism. 8 or 9 typicals.
we will see,
let's go speech therapy!

Summer Blues

2010-08-13T18:36:00.000-07:00

it has been one wild, busy fast summer. my goal this summer was to have Phoenix potty trained before school. he was doing fine, UNTIL that pesky little term called REgrEssion, had to put a shroud over my Phoenix. Autism and regression, seem to go hand in hand. we can not escape it.
Phoenix was going pee and poo finally. i was so happy and proud. getting the communication down with the potty training was as hard as you think. but anyway, i degress.
I had to go get my other son, yes there is another, from PA. we took a road trip, Damn Road trip.
when we got home Phoenix would peepee just fine, but not the poo poo, can you imagine, I was so happy about Phoenix's progress potty training, then, a road trip plus autism = regression.....

Phoenix is talking ok. he is saying more and more words. Its like, thinking to myself.......
he just has a hard time moving his tongue to form words. its pretty interesting watching and listening to him.

today we were outside,Phoenix and me. I watched this child pick up a bumble bee, he picked it up by the bees wings. can you imagine my horror looking at this child, he held the bee up and looks at him and lets him go. now, he does this reguraly with butter flies. NothInG happened, the bee just flew away.. I dont know...
I dont understand it, but Phoenix decided he was going on a kissing spree. he was not kissing me either, he was kissing the flowers. maybe because Fall is sneaking up on us. and the Flowers will be gone soon

its Back to School time. I must say, I will be glad to see Phoenix go back to school. Speech therapy will begin again. and he needs it.........

here and there

2010-07-22T07:01:00.000-07:00

the last month as been a whirlwind for me and Phoenix.
he loved going to the special kid camp. Phoenix learned to tolerate the cool lake water. he gets in his little swim ring and floats and floats. kicking his little feet here and there.

My butterfly garden is a great success this year. Phoenix Loves to chase butterfly. even when the butterflies are eating, he will walk up to them and pick up a butterfly and then let it go, it is an amazing site to see him interacting with the butterflies.

Potty training is go okay. we are still at the same place we were last month. getting him to go poo poo in the potty has been hard. he has done it a couple of times. i dont know if its the Autism that is making the potty training hard or if its just Phoenix. we keep on trying and trying though.

keeping Phoenix busy over the last month has been a task. from going to the Park, swimming ,shopping, playing in the garden.

we went as a family to the nice seafood buffet, last saturday, and Phoenix hated the restaurant. I dont know if there was to much noise, to many people, i just dont know. it was very expensive, and his dad was pissed, that Phoenix screamed the entire time. we couldnt take it anymore so we left the restaurant hungry...
the next night we went to another restaurant and Phoenix was fine
Phoenix just gave us a friendly reminder, he is autistic.

No News is good News

2010-06-23T09:37:00.000-07:00

Phoenix has been going to a special kids camp this week. on the first day at the kids pick up point, i swear i could barely keep it together. i think i packed and repacked Phoenix's camp bag 5 times. making sure he had everything. All i could keep telling myself , was NO news is Good News... over and over. I know the camp would call if Phoenix could not handle it. but all is going great. there are a couple of children Phoenix's age.

Phoenix is learning to swim in the lake this week. they said he loves the water and never wants to leave the lake..

it was so hard letting him go to camp. but priority is getting him around as many children as i can..

we received a reminder notice for Phoenix's Autism appointment. My husband refuses to take Phoenix back to the doctor that diagnosed him with Autism. he thinks that the follow up appointment will be a waste of time and money.
he is probably right when you think about it.
there is no medication to help Phoenix's Autism, which if there was a medication, i dont think i would have him take it.
what could the doctor tell us really........ "okay your son still has Autism, and that will be $199.95 please."

We are seeing positive results from school and him being around the Typicals...
his vocabulary is around 100 words right now.
which is fabulous.

after camp this week, i have to find something for Phoenix to do the rest of the summer.
I tried the library, there is no story time there. i was super mad, because the library had a sign for story time...

Locked in

2010-06-14T11:38:00.000-07:00

i am just kinda of sitting around today and these waves of rainbow energy keep penatrating my spirit today. Spending the day today with Phoenix. he is napping at the moment.
I wonder today??
I wonder if a demon has stolen his speech. or maybe an evil witch from the past placed this hex spell on him. or, Autism stole his words.

Phoenix hears everything, but still has trouble saying his words.
Phoenix tries so hard to talk to me. He will babble made up words that sound like jibberish to me. his voice is in there, i know it, it just seems like he is Locked in.

I have been giving Phoenix fish oil omega 3. One capsule a day for maybe three weeks now. I have noticed that
His words are growing more and more. He is finally beginning to say three words phrases. We are still working on the potty training. It is hard to potty train when he cant tell me when he has to go. He is getting it though.. believe it or not. we are half way there.

nervous

2010-06-11T07:56:00.000-07:00

today is Phoenix's last day of school. I am so nervous today, and i dont know why?
Phoenix will miss going to school. he has really enjoyed learning to play from the Typicals.
this summer Phoenix will be going a day camp. he will get to be with other kids which will be good for him.
may the gods give me patience this summer.
maybe that's what has me so nervous. me and Phoenix 24/7..
he is something to keep entertained. we will be playing for hours, days at the park and library story time.

the Typicals

2010-06-07T08:55:00.000-07:00

Yesterday Phoenix was playing outside. It was Sunday, so the neighbor's grandchildren were over playing in the backyard. The children were around Phoenix's age. maybe a little older than him. one of the little boys came to the fence, to take a look at what Phoenix was playing with. the little boy was talking to Phoenix, and Phoenix just stood there. It was very telling, that Phoenix is different, not a typical three year old, but he has autism. every time I see a typical child, i just want to cry. i feel so bad. I often wonder what Phoenix will sound like one day. he does want to talk but just cant. Phoenix being around typical children is very important. he learns how to be typical child.

Hair cut

2010-06-06T07:59:00.000-07:00

Phoenix got a hair cut. All of his long blonde curly hair is gone. i must say, he looks like a little boy now. He is growing so fast. His Autism shows more days than others. or i dont know, maybe he just decides to do whatever he wants to and not listen to me.
Phoenix has been doing okay on his potty training. it is not easy, because he can not tell me when he has to go. Ocassionally i will get a Pee Pee from him, which is a step foward.
somedays Phoenix wants to talk so bad. He will just sing his jibersh. I know he knows what i am talking about when i do talk to him.
Phoenix has been kissing me more and more. It is a wonderful thing.

i can hope

2010-05-28T09:51:00.000-07:00

no summer school for Phoenix. Budget cuts have been deep here for the school system. school will be out for two and a half months. with no speech therapy. that means, i will have to work even harder with Phoenix this summer. i think he will be okay. he still has 2 more years of early childhood to go. a lot can happen within that time. my goal is to him mainstreamed by kindergarten. that's a big goal, but his vocabulary is steadily increasing. I can hope.

the good and just strange

2010-05-27T07:38:00.000-07:00

today is the day i find out if Phoenix made it into summer school. it would seem to me that the school would provide speech therapy for him over the summer. Autism and regression go hand in hand. You constantly have to work with Phoenix's speech. It is so strange. what comes to us naturally in human communication and speech. Phoenix has to really work hard to say his words. He actually understands words, and what they mean. He just can not verbalize. ??
Phoenix has become more and more loving. He is now kissing me. Not only is he kissing me, but the trees in the yard, the flowers, the bushes. He was kissing the plants way before he would kiss me. I still wonder what that's all about.
today when i dropped off Phoenix at school, i noticed the teacher's dog in the class room again. it's freaking crazy. i take the good in this, and think to myself, she's Phoenix's teacher, and helping him with social skills, making friends, and basic preschool skills. so, i let the dog issue go.. balance right? the good and just strange

placebo effect

2010-05-22T09:04:00.000-07:00

Phoenix has been receiving his fish oil supplements. I cut his dosage in half again. i dont want to overdue it. Its only been a couple of days since he started taking it. and his eye contact has improved. I do not know if that's the placebo effect of the fish oil, but it sure is nice to be able to gaze into those eyes of his. I feel like i can see to the ends of the universe when i look into his black eyes. the benefit of a crystal child.
i read it takes around 12 weeks for you to get the omega 3 built up in your system. that's the entire summer. speaking of summer, Phoenix is getting ready to be out of school for the summer. wow, i have a big job in front of me. Phoenix's dad wants him to go to the YMCA for the summer. i dont think they can handle him and his autism, i really dont. Phoenix is in a class of 15 and he has an assistant all to himself. He is not a bad child. he just doesnt follow directions. he has a hard time sitting still. Library seems to be pretty hard on him right now. he has to be quiet and sit still. i think that would be hard for most three year old boys.

Fish Oil

2010-05-19T12:34:00.000-07:00

I was posting information over at Autism Articles and a came across several articles on the topic of Fish Oil and Autism. Omega 3 is what the vitamin is called. The fish oil is suppose to help calm, aid in concentration, and their behavior is suppose to improve, A lot of mother's use fish oil as a supplement for their adhd children. I dont know, but i like what i read. the Fish oil is like a wonder pill. but it also reminds me of the snake oils of the early days. Crazy salesmen would be peddling their snake oils to heal what ailed the sick. The snake oils probably gave sick people Hope when they had no hope. Is that where i am with the Fish Oil? is it giving me hope?
I will post Phoenix's progress with the Fish Oil. He has just started taking it. I bought the Nature made 1200mg no smell Fish Oil. Two capsules equal a serving to get to the 1200mg dose. I only give Phoenix one capsule at a time. I just pop a hole in the capsule and add it right into his strawberry milk cup. So far he has not noticed the oil in the milk. I only give it to him only twice a day, and some of the oil sticks to the cup.

Field Trip

2010-05-18T11:49:00.000-07:00

Phoenix had his very first field trip with the his early child hood class and the junior kindergarten class went too. there were thirty very small children, ages three to five years old running around everywhere. we went to a historical train museum. there was a train engine and cabooses to look at. Phoenix's autistic sensory issues kicked in when the steam horns went off. He was again in the terrified mode. but he quickly calmed down today. Phoenix loved riding the miniature train around the train yard. At first he was squirmy and fidgeting and fighting me, he did not want to sit down on the train. I just held him down, he was going to ride this train. finally the conductor got the train going, and when we got moving Phoenix realized he loved riding the train. He was in heaven. we went around the track three times. When the train ride was over he did not want to get off. it was a wonderful thing. we then went into the museum and there were two beautiful cats. Phoenix just loved them.
after the kids finished riding the train all the kids got on the bus and we took off to the park.
all the children sat on the benches. the classes separated to eat lunch, but i could see the jk class. it was a sea of soda, among the jk, i could not believe my eyes. the parents of the jk must have brought the soda. I also saw a big tub of brownies for the jk. thank goodness nothing like that was brought for the early childhood class. over all Phoenix experienced something new.
i think the best part of the day for him was when he was chasing the bird in the park......

more Blast

2010-05-13T08:06:00.000-07:00

I received a notice from Phoenix's school about an early childhood, jk kindergarten play. I was so excited to see Phoenix interact with the other kids. I wondered to myself what he would be doing since he cant communicate well. The day came and me and Phoenix's dad went to the play. We were thrilled to get to see him. But when the Play time came, Phoenix was no where to be found. His dad went to his classroom.. there was Phoenix sitting by himself with a pile of blocks.. I felt crushed... why was Phoenix not in the play? the teacher nervously told us the kids had been working on it all year. and Phoenix arrived in March and wasnt ready to be in a play. oh, i thought. She told us she was sorry and should have told us.. REALLY? Phoenix wasnt even allowed to go see the Play. I know he can get disruptive because of his Autism. but it still just sucked for me and his dad. he had left work to see the Play. we felt like Phoenix was entirely left out . I am still not happy about it. but i guess i can try to understand what happened? and learn from it.
another thing that's bothering me about Phoenix's teacher... She brought her dog to school. the dog stayed all day long in the classroom. I just happened to see her and the dog at an afterschool function. she was holding the dog and walking around the school yard with it. I could not believe my eyes. it was weird. She even told me shes allowed to bring the dog to school.. Whoa, i mean i love dogs and everything. but i dont think you should bring your dog to school.... one word, allergies... i know there has to be kid in that school thats allergic to pet dander.
no harm no foul, i guess

Blast!

2010-05-11T08:05:00.000-07:00

its been a roller coaster of a month for me. i never imagined how much energy it takes to mother Phoenix and keeping my energy balanced at the same time. it has been exhausting for me spiritually, emotionally, physically.

Our visit to florida was emotional for me. Almost all emotions were felt by me.Every single emotion activated . I was so wore out when i came home, it took me weeks to return to balance. I can finally write after everything has come into focus.
My husbands family lives in florida. so i got to visit with my mother in law and stepdaughters, and poor grandma.
When i was with my husband i felt at ease, when we went to a wonderful restaurant by the river. Phoenix was quiet and ease at the restaurant. but earlier in the evening my mother in law had plans to meet her boyfriend at some restaurant. the first thing i asked her , is it Kid friendly? in front of my husband, she said of course.. when we arrived at the restaurant, we walked through the doors, and, it was a Sports Bar... jam packed on a friday night. his mother insisted it was okay for us to eat there.after waiting for 45 minutes in this crazy bar for her boyfriend, my husband was Furious, it was 7:30 and Phoenix hadn't ate yet when it came down to it, she was only concerned about her boyfriend. I hated it for my husband. what was once was a negative night for my husband, turned into a fabulous evening. even Phoenix got a pretzel and peanut butter dip appetizer.
it was an unbelievable experience with my mother in law. from the wonderful time we had together at the yard sales to shopping. the gods were smiling on me that day..i stumpled upon 2 large temple rubbing complete with frame. I call them my girls.. now, whats better is i got both of them for $10.00. I was so happy, i almost cried. this all because my mother in law took me to yards sales. so that i was grateful for.
while me and my mother in law were having some girl fun, my husband went to go get his 16 and 17 year old daughters. and that was nice when we got to see the kids. and Phoenix got to see his sisters. Phoenix loved playing the back yard. Believe or not a raccoon came to visit Phoenix, right in the middle of this giant city. His sister even got some pictures of the raccoon on accident. She was taking pictures of Phoenix, and the raccon happened to be in the background. it was strange.
later that day we were all playing and Phoenix was playing with a ball. my mother in law said to me, you should go get him another ball from the house. I said to her, "he is fine with just one ball" then she looked at me at said I was stupid. i said "Really, why is that? " she just stormed off. at first, i just wanted her to explain why i am stupid, but then it dawned on me, she just called me stupid. just because i didnt want to go back in the house and get a silly ball. my husband just picked up the ball and started playing catch with Phoenix. and i joined. while i was throwing the ball, i just kept thinking, wow, she just called me stupid. I was crushed. later when me and my husband went into the house, we were alone, and he asked me, "did my mom just call you stupid" i said, yes she did. my husband thought he had heard that. but could not believe it and thought he had misunderstood her... i told him this. "people say dumb stuff all the time, and maybe she just had one those moments." he said maybe....
then the next day she called my husband dumb, for the way he was packing the pictures of my girls. oh, i would like to think that the stress of taking care of grandma after she fell, has taken its toll on her. maybe... just maybe.

wondering about..

2010-04-19T13:31:00.000-07:00

My Phoenix has returned to school after a long battle with sickness. that virus-demon attacked the Phoenix to the bitter core..
wondering to myself, if the an Ocean visit would cleanse the soul. leaving for the beach soon..

Life's Crystal experiences are coming one after the other.

after an Easter visit with Phoenix's Half sister. I learned that she has the ability to receive telepathic messages from the little Phoenix. Phoenix would just jump off the chair at her suddenly without any warning. Then his sister started hearing his Voice in her head. He would message her and tell her to "Catch Me" "Catch Me"
it must be the Indigo-Crystal connection.

From my experience it seems Indigo's have the ability to receive telepathic messages or directly communicate with Crystal Children.
again, i dont know if I am an Indigo, maybe I am just intuitive.
What I do know is Phoenix has an Autistic classmate. This child is on a different part of the Autistic Spectrum. Every time I look at the child I wonder about him. Does he stay up late at night like Phoenix? Does he have sensory issues? Does he giggle by himself in the corner of the room ? Does he stack blocks? Is he crystal?
well, today I was walking in the school parking lot and passed the little child and his mother. of course i was wondering something about the child, this time Was he Crystal, because his eyes were not big and deep like Phoenix? just as i began to wonder and think more about the child, i turned around to get one last glance at him as he walked away with his mother. the child turned and looked me in the Eyes from 15 ft away and giggled then went back to walking. I have seen him so many times at school, and he never looks anyone in the eyes. but for a moment, just a moment. He chose to look at me, right in the eyes. if you ask me what i felt, i just felt connected to him in a spiritual sense. He gave me something though. A Crystal Confirmation. There was no doubt this child is a Christed one. I felt it.. and he is not even my own child. small miracles

During Phoenix's sickness he became a little artist. He has one those doodle erase pencil attached things with the slide that eraser. you know what i am talking about. Phoenix can now draw faces. It is weird. The pictures are so scary looking. but amazing. i am going to have to take pictures of his art. but before i can get to it, he erases it with a quick slide. then it is gone forever...

No medicine please

2010-04-15T13:28:00.000-07:00

i dont even know where my head has been for the last week.
Phoenix has been so sick. I will tell you now from experience. When this Crystal gets sick, Wow.. this is this is the third time Phoenix has been sick. when he was younger, he got sick with a double ear infection and running a 104 temperature. Phoenix was first prescribed Amoxicillin. you know that bubble gum medicine for kids.. And the medicine did not work, his fever had reached over 104 degrees. we went back to the doctor, and he pre scribed some white medicine, that was suppose to be stronger than the Amoxicillin. I started giving the new medicine to Phoenix hoping this would heal those poor ears.
But instead Phoenix broke out in hives all over his body. I am at my wits end at this point. I grabbed the little guy buckled him in his car seat, and drove as fast as i could to the doctors office. I got to the Doctor's office and they were closed!! I call his doctor's office from my cell phone and no one was there. I got to listen to there marvelous answering machine, telling me it was Friday and they closed at 1:30. As i looked at my watch it was only
1:00. Jesus, Really??? So, i rushed Phoenix to the nearest Urgent Care. The Urgent care took him right him. And the doctor's come to the realization to give a shot him of antibiotics. I was desperate by this point and said okay , bring on the shot.
Phoenix screamed in Rage, He had to have four people hold him down to get his shot. This kid is no joke. after 12 hours his fever broke and he was soon back to his curious self.

the second sickness rolled around about a month ago. Phoenix missed his entire last week of speech therapy. Another bout with his ears came knocking. Poor baby right?
i wanted to try Amoxicillin again, because it is not so strong.
Phoenix would not take this medicine. I got pink medicine all over me, him, the carpet.. Phoenix just power spit it out. He just refused it. then we got smart and mixed it in his strawberry milk. that was the end of that battle and he got better.

the third sickness, just rolled around. Phoenix was burning me to the touch. I knew i was facing another Battle to get him well again. I rushed him to the doctor. Phoenix's ears seemed to be fine, but we knew the cold would go straight to his ears and cause another double ear infection. Phoenix was you typical Crystal child, He required his doctor and two nurses to be held down, just so the doctor could take a peak in his ears, and listen to his lungs. The walls were literally vibrating from him screaming. I know he felt like his space was invaded. I tried to explain to him they were just trying to make him feel better.
The doctor recommended around of Amoxicillin. Okay, i can do this, i will just pay the 2.99 for the added flavoring for the medicine, and just mix it again with his milk. Right? wrong!
Phoenix refused to take this medicine. I tried mixing it with tea, milk, gatorade V-8 strawberry banana. Nope he wouldnt take the medicine. his fever then jumped to 104. So then i tried to force him to take the medicine by holding him down and forcing him to take it.
I got pink crap all over me, him, the floor,... what a mess... I couldnt believe it. Then i tried to reason with Phoenix.. I asked if he wanted to go outside? just take your medicine and you can go out. i knew for sure that would work.. But there was just no reasoning with him.. It was his way or nothing. and he wasnt going to take his medicine. he had decided.
Phoenix was getting sicker and sicker. I couldnt take it no more and called the doctor and asked for a shot to get him better. It was the same old Phoenix, call in the reinforcements, two nurses his doctor and me are holding him down so he can feel better.
He got the shot and now he is better again, and going to school tomorrow.
whew, what a kid

the religion of Crystal

2010-04-04T17:03:00.000-07:00

over the last week leading up to Easter has been extremely rocky for the little Phoenix. he has been energized beyond your wildest imagination. he has been a constant vibration or buzz.
no naps no rest time no time for me to breathe. maybe his excitement for egg dying and chocolate bunnies got the best of me..... not him.
with the warm weather closing in, our grass needed to be mowed for the first time. as soon as Phoenix laid his eyes on the lawn mower. his world was in melt down mode. He instantly was terrified of the machine. the lawn mower had not even been started up yet. and Phoenix was screaming and wanted to be held. . I didnt understand what went wrong, why he reacted like that. all i know is it was bad. bad.. bad.. after i figured out what was causing his terror, i scooped him up and brought him inside the house and sat him on the couch. I wrapped him up in a blanket and held him as tight as i could. everytime i would try to move he would grab my arm and put my arm back around him. I could feel this enormous buzz radiating from him. I laid my head on his head, then i felt the buzzing getting stronger and stronger.. then i was surrounded by opalescence light. was it a dream to carry me into Phoenix's world? was it his aura? Phoenix takes me back to where i want to be.

its not far back to sanity...

sometimes i find myself contemplating...
do i hang on to the religion of Crystal?
my son is born a star child, of the Crystal children, Phoenix also has been diagnosed with Autism Spectrum Disorder.
I dont know if i have made myself believe in the Crystal asscension as a religion or faith. Just to make myself cope with the Reality of my son's Autism. the thought of it makes me weep for myself and Phoenix. it is not easy facing the facts. my thoughts get the best of me.

if i look into the setting sun. i feel the light being eat by my darkness. nothing is real. living is easy with your eyes closed. it doesnt matter much to me..

Phoenix, my son you are very loving. I often catch you giving kisses to the trees in your yard.
you kiss the trees the way i wish you would give me a kiss. i guess the trees can do miracles for you.

Does heaven hold a place for you ? or do you create a heaven on earth just for you? its just another secret Phoenix holds..

i think its not to bad. nothing is real. i know when its a dream.

Autism Spectrum on the Golden Ray

2010-03-24T14:57:00.000-07:00

I was speaking with Phoenix's teacher and was wondering if she could tell he has Autism. She clearly told me, you could diffidently tell he was "On the Spectrum" Then like a wave of spiritual information came flowing through me. not only is Phoenix on The Spectrum of Autism. But the Spectrum Of the Seven rays of consciousness. Phoenix was born on the sixth ray of the spectrum. The Golden Ray.
Now, Lets review the Seven rays.

The first ray is the ray of God’s will, which has a frequency in the spectrum of blue. Those who serve on this ray are inclined to lead, to govern, to administer, to organize and to execute. They are very much concerned with the order and the energy of God’s will. They are great devotees of the will of God, even if they do not call it the will of God. They insist upon order and system in their lives and they are very devoted to this order.

The Chohan or Lord of the First Ray is the Ascended Master El Morya, whose retreat is in the etheric octave over Darjeeling, India.

The Second Ray, the ray of wisdom, vibrates in the color spectrum of yellow. It is the focus of illumination, the "illumined action" of God. This is the ray of those who teach, who understand and who know God through this illumined action of his wisdom and the wisdom of his law.

The Chohan or Lord of the Second Ray is the Ascended Master Lanto, whose retreat is congruent with the Grand Teton, Jackson Hole, Wyoming.

The Third Ray is the ray of the love of God, the very essence of consummation of oneness in the Holy Spirit. Through this ray whose spectrum is from the pink to the rose color, come the artists--those who are the creative, sensitive and intuitive souls. They are the ones who serve mankind through love, charity and compassion.

The Chohan or Lord of the Third Ray is the Ascended Master Paul the Venetian, who receives his disciples in his retreat, the Chateau de Liberte, which is over southern France.

The Fourth Ray extols the discipline and purity of God; its flame is white. This white flame is the way of those who would contact the inner design of their handiwork. In the honor and the integrity of the soul’s oneness with the law of perfection, they pursue the discipline of the mastery of their sacred labor, the work of their hands, which is the work of the Father-Mother God through them. They are the disciplined ones who are seeking ultimate reunion with God through the sacrifice of self.

The Chohan or Lord of the Fourth Ray is the Ascended Master Serapis Bey, whose retreat is the Ascension Temple on the etheric plane over Luxor, Egypt.

The Fourth ray path is the way of those who commune in the wholeness of the consciousness of the Divine Mother through purity of body, mind and soul. The color white embodies all of the rays; and therefore, ultimately, the disciplines of each of the seven rays bring one to this doorway, to the ascension, the soul’s eternal liberation.

The Fifth Ray is the green ray of truth and the science of God. It is a ray of healing and abundance which vibrates in the color spectrum as emerald green. Scientists, doctors, healers, mathematicians and musicians pursue a scientific mastery of the self and of the planes of Spirit and matter on this ray. This they do through a quest for truth in every discipline, including the healing arts. The fifth Ray is the means whereby those who require the logic of the logos can find their way back to the Christ consciousness, back to their God-design.

The Chohan or Lord of the Fifth Ray is the Ascended Master Hilarion, whose retreat is the Temple of Truth on the etheric plane congruent with the island of Crete.

The Sixth Ray is the ray of the Master Jesus, of peace and the ministration of God. It is the way of the selfless servant. The Sixth Ray has a frequency in the spectrum of purple and gold. Jesus once served as the Lord of this ray, but when he moved on to become a World Teacher, the Ascended Lady Master Nada became the Lord of this ray. This ray is the path of those who minister in the energies of peace to the evolutions of earth as counselors and comforters in every walk of life. Their inner vow is "I AM my brother’s keeper," and their soul motto is "He that would be great among you, let him be the servant of all."

The Chohan of the Sixth Ray is the Ascended Lady Master Nada, whose retreat is over Saudi Arabia.

The Seventh Ray, which has a frequency on the spectrum of violet, is the ray of freedom and the forgiveness of God through the alchemy of the Holy Spirit. It is the way of the priests of the Order of Melchizidek, the alchemy of the Seventh Ray of the Aqaurian Age, and the way of soul freedom. Saint Germain, who is known as the God of Freedom to the earth, is the Master of the Aquarian Age.

the Chohan--or Lord--of the Seventh Ray is Saint Germain, who has retreats both in Europe over Transylvania, and in the Cave of Symbols in Table Mountain of the Grand Teton Range, Wyoming.

http://www.summitlighthouseabq.org/seven_rays.htm

This explains a lot when it comes to the Little Phoenix. I have never taken him to church or spoke about Jesus to him. But Phoenix seems to know Jesus very well. It is because he is was born on the Golden Ray. Holy crap is what i think to myself. Every time he sees a picture of the living Jesus he has to hold it and gaze. he feels a strong connection to Jesus. But not as worship, like a Christian would, but as a child recognizing an old friend....

Crystal children that come to this planet are known as starchildren. this child my Phoenix is from the stars. no doubt about it. Stars shining above me, Phoenix whispers he loves me. what can i do, i feel like he is my son, but he belongs to the world.. I just pick up my feet.. keep going on my path.

I wish Phoenix would tell me all is thoughts on God. I have so many questions for him.

most important is what will come next for my Phoenix.. he has already be born on the golden ray of incarnation and evolution.also being born in the sixth dimension. we live are lives in the third dimension Phoenix has the potential to open up to the ninth dimension level of full christ consciousness. then comes the full universal consciousness. what kind of energy is this? something beyond my wildest imagination... it is very humbling..

there are going to be alot of little magical children running around the planet by 2012.. these children have an important job, and they will do it unknowingly. because it will be like breathing for them, and the energy will just flow from them to us and through planet earth. ascension ...

day to day on his drum

2010-03-18T08:39:00.000-07:00

if i tell you Phoenix had a good morning that would be a lie. he got milk all over the front of his pants, before he got to school. geez, he looked liked he peed himself. when we got to his classroom he ran to the bathroom for me to change him. he knew his pants were not right. when we got done changing him,he went out of the bathroom screaming. Phoenix did not want me to leave him. He was at a very dark place and not doing well, he was glutching my leg not wanting me to leave him there at school. Finally two assistants grabbed him from my leg, and Phoenix went into the classroom screaming and having a meltdown.
God Bless you little Phoenix, look around and all you see is sympathetic eyes. He is hiding in a place where no one else sees. Its just a little secret that he holds.
I know this child is of the Gods, he crystalline energy is so pure and good. I wonder why Autism has a hold of him. Unlike most Autistic children, this crystal baby is so attached to me. He never wants me to leave his side. He wants to go everywhere with me.
Phoenix's voice is so beautiful when i hear words flow from him. I wonder what word he will learn next.
Its been a rumor that crystal children are telepathic. My crystal my Phoenix, speaks with his energy. And through his music, he doesnt seem happy unless he is on his drum.

First Days

2010-03-15T07:53:00.000-07:00

Phoenix's first week of school went pretty good. The first day was a breeze, he didnt cry or fuss when i dropped him off at his class room. But the days that followed were not the easiest for him.
Everyday when I would drop Phoenix off he would start fussing as soon as we pulled into the parking lot of the school. As soon as we walked into the building, he would start crying. As we would get closer and closer to his classroom he would start crying louder and louder, disturbing the other classrooms.
Phoenix loves to paint and color with all the colors he can get his on. He is the little painter.
When I drop him off, i always tell him, we will meet again.
I know he is excited to see me everyday when it is time to pick him up from school.

Pretty

2010-03-07T14:41:00.000-08:00

the weekend has flown by. the weather has been sun shiny and warm. I went to have Phoenix's physical done for school. Phoenix does not like the Doctor's office or the Doctor for that matter. His doctor is a small aged Asian lady, with little personality. Poor Phoenix every time he sees the Asian lady doctor, he has a full blown melt down. Phoenix's physical went easy this time. I did show the doctor his rash on his legs. Phoenix breaks out with certain soaps. I have to be extra careful with his clothes, soaps and lotions. Sensitive Phoenix is.
After the doctor's visit, we took off to register Phoenix for school. AS soon as we walked in the school's office Phoenix starts touching everything,balls, books ,papers,paperclips. Soon, a lady walks in the office and has a full blown Crystal Engagement with Phoenix. Phoenix locked those big brown starry eyes on her. And she stood there gazing at him as he gazed at her. Then a few minutes after that Phoenix ran and grabbed some kick balls and started playing with him. The next thing I know the lady keeps saying over and over, "he is so Pretty" "he is so Pretty, wow" I dont know what to say except i wish she would have said something other than Pretty. Phoenix is a boy after all..
Oh, tomorrow is the first day of school for Phoenix. I cant hardly believe it. I wonder what the impact he will have on the people and children at school. He has been a lonely child sitting at home with me bottled up with spiritual energy. Its been the two of us for so long. I wonder what he misses from afar maybe a different time and place, maybe another space in time. I whisper I love you to Phoenix. he hears me.. you and I....

I cant believe Phoenix being a Crystal has gotten us here, and going to school at age 3. Is it the autism? speech? oh... I dont know.
I cant wait to get Phoenix to the Ocean. It will cleanse and charge at the same time. Little Pisceian (Pisces)....
MAybe next month.

is he different?

2010-03-03T19:28:00.000-08:00

Phoenix is different than most children with Autism. Phoenix never had a vocabulary, and then lost it. Most Autisic children start out as normal children, saying words like mama and dada. But then all of a sudden their vocabulary simply disappears, and the child they once knew, is not that child anymore. Phoenix said his first word at around 18 months old. It was like his tongue didnt know how to move to form the words. When he said Dada the first time it was more like DerDer. I remember i was thrilled, then he quickly said Mama. It was so strange. I must say Phoenix's voice is very deep and raspy. And as always when he says a new word it is a miracle.... I believe his vocabulary is at around 30 words now. Thanks to speech therapy and play therapy.

Phoenix finished up his speech and play therapy this week. The therapist came over and gave him a party to celebrate. He starts school Monday. It is hard on me because i wanted to spend the next 2 years at home with him. But he must go to school. Phoenix will be going to an Early childhood education program for children with special needs. I believe he is special..

Sensory,Fluffy and a Crystal

2010-02-27T13:49:00.000-08:00

When Phoenix was a mere nine months old when he started tearing up my Couch. Phoenix would tug and pull at the couch until he had a hole to pull the stuffing out of it. Which we now call Fluffy. Phoenix loves to roll his fluffy between his fingers. The first time i knew he had sensory issues was when his play therapist noticed him pulling the Fluffy out of the couch. She just said, Oh, he has sensory issues. Really? I never knew, but Fluffy relaxes him in such a positive way. Even when a trip to Walmart doesnt go well, I can get him some Fluffy and he giggles and just starts rolling the Fluffy between his fingers. Phoenix has other sensory issues, after three years, I can finally vacuum without him screaming in fear. Taking him out to Malls is really tough on him. I guess he picks up on all the different energies and he really doesnt understand how to process it.
Is it the Autism that causes this sensory? Or is this Crystal just super sensitive to energy?

Crystal Mirror Gazing

2010-02-26T18:00:00.000-08:00

The sun is shining brightly through the windows. Phoenix runs to the bathroom, jumps on his stool and starts to gaze intently into his own eyes. I could feel myself being pulled into the mirror with him. It seemed as if a portal had opened in those deep dark brown eyes of his. I felt my spiritual self being pulled in along with Phoenix. I had seen that face of his before. oh boy.
I would love for all Crystal Mothers to feel this peace of Knowing. Knowing is so critical of Crystal Mothers. and Phoenix just told me all about it, by simply gazing in the mirror with him.

Its in a dream. All the Crystal children, where do they come from? Where do they all belong.
Where are all the Crystal Mothers? Many mothers are keeping silent, for good reason. But, these Crystal are gifts.

Phoenix is of the stars. As the Sun has a Place in sky.

I know I have read that Crystal Children are born To Indigo Adults. I dont know If I am an Indigo Adult? Plain and simple. But I do Know that I have been blessed with a Crystaline Child.
It is the Blessing of Crystal and the Curse of Autism. Crystals diagnosed with Autism is hard mentally and spiritually. I have no problem communicating with Phoenix. And most outtings to Walmart end with Phoenix screaming has he leaves the store. Maybe its sensory overload for him. Fluffy seems to help. Fluffy you ask? well, we will talk about Phoenix's sensory issues on another post.

school

2010-02-23T06:51:00.000-08:00

Phoenix and I had a meeting with the school today. it went really good. Phoenix ran around the classroom trying to pull down books and drag down the games. I think he will adjust to going to school nicely. Ya know in order for the school system to consider Phoenix having Autism Spectrum Disorder, he has to go through more test just for the school to say he has Autism. I guess his Doctor's report isnt good enough. Phoenix still qualifies for Special education because of his speech delay. But still, more tests? maybe not. I still think Phoenix is a part of the crystal children awareness. Phoenix is so aware of everything. He is an incredible child, with incredible potential. I often wonder when he is playing and giggling, who in the world he is playing with?? maybe his spirit guide, only he knows.

catching up

2010-02-22T14:30:00.001-08:00

me and the little Phoenix have been terribly sick. i have been sick for nearly two weeks. and Phoenix caught it and the cold went to his ears causing a double ear infection. when Phoenix gets sick its really a rough time. he refused to take his antibiotics and spit the medicine everywhere. now i have pink spots on my carpet.
Phoenix missed last week's speech and play therapy. today's speech didnt go so well. he barely wanted to play and screamed alot. Tomorrow we are going to school to have a meeting. With Phoenix's autism they will discuss an action plan. including more speech and play therapy.
goodness i am glad we are getting over this sickness... wowza

Use your Words

2010-02-06T10:37:00.000-08:00

Phoenix is moving on very nicely. His Play and Speech therapy have been a God Send, and has helped his Autism. What is being taught during his Play and Speech therapy? It is hard to imagine if you have never seen a child that did not know how to play. right? My Phoenix is being taught how to Play correctly. It is all about taking turns. When people communicate , its all about taking turns. sharing.
Phoenix's vocabulary has grown since he began this type of therapy. I am keeping track and so far he has about 12 words he uses everyday. I have to constantly remind him to use his words. "use your words" I think he forgets sometimes, he has to talk. Instead, he will grab my hand and lead me to what he wants. that is a form of communication. but i need to hear his voice, its a beautiful thing

has Autism caused your soul to be stolen?

2010-01-29T14:05:00.000-08:00

i was reading and came across an article about austic children who appear to be born with no soul. it was one of saddest reads of my life. i will not post it, but google is a wonderful thing. but after visiting school with Phoenix an observing another child with autism. sadly i could see what people might would consider a soulless human.this child could not make contact. and his speech delay was severe. but if you sit and listen you can peal through the layers of the Austic child's soul. their souls appear to dwell deeply within. almost like the child is as lost deep in the next galaxy. my tears fill, i just want to drown my sorrows. i look to my bright Phoenix, and i sit and listen again. i look right through him, his soul is as bright and full as the Full Moon itself. Could it be my dear? but No i still feel you in their. has autism stole my crystal child's soul? with giggles my Phoenix says Noooooo.

blocks,blocks, all the same size

2010-01-27T18:51:00.000-08:00

Phoenix me and his dad went to visit the school this week to observe and see how Phoenix would interact with the other Autistic children. Let me tell you. I could not believe my eyes all these children with disabilities were amazing to watch. there were nine boys and just three girls, and their ages were from 3-4 the majority of the children that i saw and interacted with had speech delay. the teachers were all encouraging the children to "use their words" or make a sign when wanting something, learning to ask can be difficult for these children. My Phoenix doesnt seem to think he needs to ask me for anything, he just thinks i know.
being in the same room with these children was energizing. the class room felt like warm sunshine, after being buried in dark grey snow for weeks.
we arrived just in time for breakfast. the children all sat at small tables with a big pile of toast in the center, along with small bowls of fruit loops and coco Krispies. it was a feast for for All. from what i saw no milk or juice was spilled. All the children sat and ate their breakfast. then came story time came and the children gathered around the teacher. and the children listened to the story. Phoenix sat at the table for a whole ten minutes. then he ran to the blocks corner. my Phoenix has a block obsession, the blocks all have to the same size, thank goodness its not all the same color too. then he builds and builds. he then got himself stuck over in the block corner, trying to stack blocks from his reflection in the mirror.
funny

Time keeps on ticking

2010-01-27T18:43:00.001-08:00

tomorrow the little Phoenix has Play therapy. he is doing better with his speech and communication. this type of therapy seems to help his autism. he has been making great strides with his play and learning to play with things the correct way. i was thinking today, that my other sons didnt seem as advanced at this stage as the Phoenix. even though he cant communicate well, he is still very aware of letters, shapes and colors. he has learned how to draw pretty good. he loves to draw circles. Phoenix will be starting school soon. he is almost three. what will i do without my son during the day. i was hoping on spending more time with him, but its time for school.

Why my house???

2010-01-27T18:41:00.000-08:00

i imagine a row of 125 houses all filled with children. An Autism chose my house. Maybe i should have marked my door like the Hebrews did at Passover. why my house?
it was december 22 2009 when the specialist said it. He has Austism.
Amazing things dwell within that spirit of my son. The child already has a relationship with Christ. When we visit the thrift store he can pick up all things jesus. I want to get him a Christ Buddy. He is not so scary. Why does Jesus have to be so scary. All except the baby jesus.

we are working hard to get on Phoenix's level. i dont know if i ever could. but, that seems to be only way to reach him. what is happening? where is the life that i recognize?

my pawpaw has left this world.. i miss him so much. i understand grief now. it hurts so bad.
the last time i saw him, i told him how much i loved him. i knew it would be the last time i saw him. painful as it is, i knew immediately he felt better. he didnt feel so good......

Autism Sucks

2010-01-27T18:39:00.000-08:00

well, the intervention team believes my Crystal has Autism.
Phoenix's teacher asks me how i feel about the possibility of Autism.
I said to her, Autism Spectrum Disorder is such a broad term, he probably does fall somewhere in the Spectrum. But let's see... as i spoke, i felt my heart sinking, i guess she is trying to prepare me.. I dont know...
Phoenix can talk, sure he has speech delay. but, if you listen, he sings.. and sings. I remember visiting with my sister, she said to me.. " is he singing?"
He sings all the time.. My two year old is not talking or communicating the way the medical community deems fit.. Phoenix does communicate with me. But i cant tell his doctor or speech therapist of his mental communication.

in her i know i am one

Crystal he is

2010-01-27T18:38:00.000-08:00

once again with a new doctor the little Phoenix must see a speech therapist. We cant seem to get away from his speech delay. after doing some reading, i have found that crystal children seem to have exceptional visual symbolic skills. Meaning crystal children can recall their ABC's and 123's. Amazing. Phoenix has known his letters and numbers for a while. Oneday, Phoenix's father caught him one morning saying his letters. But he cant talk. He can say and recall at random all 26 letters of the alphabet. Now at two years old he can not say but 15 words max.
I know their are more crystal mothers out there. Just like me. Raising a crystal is a gift, but it is definately has it challenges. My biggest challenge is trying to get through speech therapy. Phoenix has his own language. he sounds like a whale singing a song.
lately it seems he has been a magnet for senior citizens. Mostly, senior citizens want to touch his golden blonde curly hair. but once the Phoenix locks his eyes on them, they just want to talk and play with him. Phoenix usually tucks his head down low, and will push the person away after a period of time. I guess he just had enough. And he Never ever speaks to anyone.

Crystal Engagement

2010-01-27T18:37:00.000-08:00

It feels like years since he's been here
Phoenix, here he comes
I feel like the earth's been waiting
it's alright

i felt the spiritual energy of my son
i was awe struck, as i am discovering his crystalline energy
it is an incredible feeling knowing your son's spiritual energy contains far more than my abilities could ever reach in this lifetime. its very humbling

how many holes will he be able to fill.

since my last posting,
Phoenix has taught me of the Crystal Engagement.
A crystal engagement is when a Crystal child unleashes their spiritual energy and locks into yours. at the point of the crystal engagement many things can occur

the first of engagements, is the crystal confirmation engagement. this is when your crystal child confirms the fact they are indeed crystalline, this engagement can happen in a number of forms and is unique to the crystal caregivers. you will know when this happens, it is a feeling like none other

the second of the engagements is telepathy. the telepathic engagement is for everyday life with your crystal baby.crystal telepathy is like "mommy i need some milk in my cup.

the third engagement is crystal engagement messaging. crystal messaging is different than telepathy.
Crystal children messaging comes to us from the spiritual plane. the third crystal engagement is by far the most spiritual of all the engagements. During the time of this crystal engagement the recipient will feel like if they have just been kissed by god. this is when spiritual information is passed through the crystal child from the spiritual world to the recipient. during my first message engagement with my son, my eyes were burning so hot, and my face felt like it had extreme heat next to it, it felt like spiritual light being placed on me and my crystal.

the fourth of the engagements is the crystal healing engagement.
my crystal baby has never done this engagement with me. i do believe he has done this engagement before. one day he was at his weekly play date at the baby gym. there sat an elderly lady, my crystal baby toddled right up to her,never mind the play balls and the bubbles everywhere. he stopped and look right into her eyes's for maybe 30 seconds. then he stood before her and touched her hand but just with his pointer finger. then Phoenix just giggled and ran to play with the bubbles.
i looked at the elderly lady and she smiled so brightly. she just told me how beautiful his eyes were.

I love my dear Phoenix. Crystalline he is, protect him. i must.

in her i know i one

Autism, a Crystal, and The Blue Lady

2010-01-27T18:35:00.000-08:00

it has been a struggle lately, my Phoenix is 18 months old and has been put under a microscope by the medical community. he simply decided he didnt want to talk, nothing no mama dada, nothing.
Phoenix can communicate with me through other ways though, i actually call him my little orca whale, because he loves to sing, and he sounds just like an orca...
but none the less, i was told he possibly couldnt hear and that's why he couldnt talk. which this scared the living daylights out of me, geez, the hearing test was done, and he can hear, praise the gods,, my Phoenix simply has a speech delay, one of the characteristics of crystal children, but also a characteristic of autism.
now, Phoenix's doctor has him under the help me grow program, where the state gets involved with Phoenix's speech delay. the social workers involved with Phoenix actually come to my home, to visit with him. and i still have the autism paperwork, which i dont want to fill out....

i drift to the land of faire
I have missed you, i told The Blue Lady..
i have just this for you The Blue Lady said to me
Your Phoenix will speak to you soon ...

then we were doing alright, Phoenix and me were on the Floor playing tickle.
sometimes messages have a funny way of getting to you, for i doubted Phoenix to be Crystal.
i placed my face on the bottom of Phoenix's feet, tickle, tickle, but a tickle of his feet wasnt what he wanted. i felt him lock into my eyes, as i then played pick a boo with his feet, then i felt the crystalline energy of my son embrace me, Phoenix told me to send energy to him, and if you are familar with REiki, i was sending reiki energy to him. and everytime i would send a wave of energy to him, he would start giggling, we did this over and over radiating through each other, with him giggling louder and louder everytime i sent him energy. then i heard The Blue Lady say to me, you have your Crystal Confirmation...........................................
after wards
i felt like i had been touched by the Gods, i have experienced many forms of enlightenment in my lifetime, by evoking the goddes herself, this experience with my Crystal Phoenix,, so far was the most spiritual, and devine of my entire life, i felt my spirit shimmering .
my son had given me a lesson, and that lesson is to help crystal mommies from my experiences through him.
so many crystal mother's dont know how to nurture the crystal energy of there child. and that is onething we must do....another thing Phoenix taught me, when a crystal mother is in doubt about the child being a crystal.... a confirmation will appear like nothing you have ever experienced before. and you will know and never doubt again. a young crystal knows nothing but truth........ and as a mother you must know it to be true.

and here i am once again back to reality, Phoenix said his first word thursday night, dada, and by saturday he said mama......... now he is saying bababa too....
unbelievable, but i must listen carefully to the Blue Lady..........

i recommend crystal caregiver's to learn Reiki, you dont have to pay a fortune for a reiki 1 attunement, besides i would do that 100% free if any Crystal Parent requests an attunement.
Crystal's are born to us for a reason, we did not choose them, they choose us.....

in her, i know i am one

My crystal baby

2010-01-27T18:33:00.000-08:00

i imagined you long ago inside my mind, and in my dreams i hugged and kissed you a thousand times.

you all i ever i wanted, you were the only thing i dreamed of for eight years. the days would pass and i would see children i thought you might would look like. beautiful brown eyes with long dark eyelashes. skin as brown as a coconut.

i tried so desperately to get you here. i longed to see the sunlight in your hair.

Now, you are here,

your hair glistens in the sunlight, your eyes are so brown i feel you peeking through to my soul. you observe the world as i knew you would.

sometimes i feel my heart will over flow, but it just flows right through to the Phoenix and back again. an energy so striking for a child of 14 months. he doesnt speak much, but tells me everything i need to know.
i can see it in his smile
how much he loves the world
i wonder about this Crystal Baby my Phoenix.. Destiny will Tell
I want to start by Saying I LOVE YOU

Phoenix Rising

2010-01-27T18:26:00.001-08:00

i had visions of a son
i knew that could never be
the visions of this child were so vivid so real
the BLue Lady SAYS you will have a son
"the phoenix"
my soulmate says okay
i went to rio bravo mexico
thank you dr roberto perez
i got pregnant once
my sweet baby angel grew wings at 8 weeks
i got pregnant twice
my sweet baby angel grew wings at 16 weeks
i got pregnant three times
my sweet phoenix was born
born of a vision. phoenix rising
in her, i know i'm one
http://eternalsunshineofthesplitmind.blogspot.com/