Sunday, April 4, 2010

the religion of Crystal

over the last week leading up to Easter has been extremely rocky for the little Phoenix. he has been energized beyond your wildest imagination. he has been a constant vibration or buzz.
no naps no rest time no time for me to breathe. maybe his excitement for egg dying and chocolate bunnies got the best of me..... not him.
with the warm weather closing in, our grass needed to be mowed for the first time. as soon as Phoenix laid his eyes on the lawn mower. his world was in melt down mode. He instantly was terrified of the machine. the lawn mower had not even been started up yet. and Phoenix was screaming and wanted to be held. . I didnt understand what went wrong, why he reacted like that. all i know is it was bad. bad.. bad.. after i figured out what was causing his terror, i scooped him up and brought him inside the house and sat him on the couch. I wrapped him up in a blanket and held him as tight as i could. everytime i would try to move he would grab my arm and put my arm back around him. I could feel this enormous buzz radiating from him. I laid my head on his head, then i felt the buzzing getting stronger and stronger.. then i was surrounded by opalescence light. was it a dream to carry me into Phoenix's world? was it his aura? Phoenix takes me back to where i want to be.

its not far back to sanity...

sometimes i find myself contemplating...
do i hang on to the religion of Crystal?
my son is born a star child, of the Crystal children, Phoenix also has been diagnosed with Autism Spectrum Disorder.
I dont know if i have made myself believe in the Crystal asscension as a religion or faith. Just to make myself cope with the Reality of my son's Autism. the thought of it makes me weep for myself and Phoenix. it is not easy facing the facts. my thoughts get the best of me.

if i look into the setting sun. i feel the light being eat by my darkness. nothing is real. living is easy with your eyes closed. it doesnt matter much to me..

Phoenix, my son you are very loving. I often catch you giving kisses to the trees in your yard.
you kiss the trees the way i wish you would give me a kiss. i guess the trees can do miracles for you.

Does heaven hold a place for you ? or do you create a heaven on earth just for you? its just another secret Phoenix holds..

i think its not to bad. nothing is real. i know when its a dream.

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