Saturday, October 30, 2010

the tree of my dreams.

i have wrote many times of my recurring dreams of Phoenix years and years before he arrived.
many times the boy in my dreams sat underneath a large tree.
i knew the tree in my dreams was had red leaves, and i can not explain it, but i knew it was an Oak tree.
when i moved to my new house there was a large tree in our back yard. i didnt know what kind of tree it was. Phoenix has sat underneath this tree for so many hours, playing and digging in the dirt.
i knew i needed to find out what kind of tree this in my yard.
i sent a leaf picture to a tree expert my daddy. my daddy can name any tree. he helped me and my sister pass biology call with our leaf project.
here the email to my daddy

looks like a red oak to me
----- Original Message -----
Sent: Saturday, October 30, 2010 11:47 AM
Subject: my pics

hey daddy,
i just posted some some new pictures on facebook. in those pictures their is a pic of a leaf that belongs to a tree in my backyard. please tell me what kind of tree you think it might be.
thank you
love you. Always

my life with my son keeps getting more and more mystical. on the other hand, i get depressed and lonely. Phoenix has Autism. and it sucks. plain and simple. i can not explain how
challenging it is to raise a crystal child.
crazy some will say.
i have to find a place for phoenix in the ordinary world.
i wish he just fit. but he was never brought into this world to just fit... he and the other autistic crystal children, will make the world fit them. a path to accenting
his silence, my words i can not teach you.
remember my words. long ago forgotten.

Thursday, October 21, 2010

the dark crystal

we are approaching Halloween. with this Phoenix is having a Sensory Flare. maybe just a coincidence .
although my first magickal lesson was, There are no coincidences in this world.

yesterday was a bad day for Phoenix his teacher told me.
the class was very excited to be celebrating Halloween with a costume Party.. which, i absolutely think is Fantastic. i guess the energy of the excitement was an overload for him. which i want to switch overload to Flare. it makes more sense to me.
the halloween song that the class and him sang all week drove Phoenix into a sensory Flare. he could not tolerate the song on party day. the only thing that had changed was the excitement of the Party.
he started screaming and covering his ears. was Phoenix in Pain? i dont know.
He had a difficult day, he didnt even take a nap. he was up from 7am until 10pm. that's a lot for a three year old.
Phoenix was very glad to see me at the end of the day. His Sensory Flare caused him to go into a dark crystal child. i know this is probably never been written about. Mostly you read about how crystal children are sweet little angels. blessing All that come around them. and all the happy bunny energy.
not my Phoenix. i know its crazy but its true.
when Phoenix is experiencing a sensory Flare, his little body cant handle the immense energy surging through his body. I believe he acts out through covering his ears, and melting down. to protect himself, he reacts through his dark energy.
where Phoenix is Dark, Phoenix is Light.
he knows both of those realms intensely
what i must do for my Phoenix is to teach him how to make energy flow.
everyday though, as soon as he walks in the door from school, he takes his shoes off, and rips his socks off. he then kisses his feet.

maybe this is how he deals with his excessive energy, he already knows how to ground himself. he just cant take his shoes off at school.

Mutant X....

I have been thinking about this post for sometime.
Phoenix, ahhhh, my sweet but not so sweet boy. ( thats up next)
I would like to write to you about what i have come to realize could be the next generation of humans. Autism is spreading like a wildfire through California. would i dare say we humans are evolving. can you tell, i cant get this off my brain. i wish you could see what i see.
could we be watching evolution right before our eyes? how many people are putting on blindfolds to this?
we would be fools to think humans are done evolving. FOOLS i tell you.

yesterday, i went to the meeting to get Phoenix's private speech therapy in motion. I dont have patience with the school system. and I believe we are about to hire one of the best speech therapist on the east coast. i do not believe she even knows it yet. what sets this speech therapist apart is her Intense Presence I mean INTENSE! you have to Dominate these crystal children. if you have never met a crystal child, they act like supreme beings. crystal children, just Know. and they think we just Know. some of us do not.

Phoenix has to be in control of every situation, all day and all night. Even his teachers conform to Phoenix. i witnessed it for myself this morning, his teacher tried to take his coat off. WHOA! Phoenix ripped her up, meaning, he let out a NO, and i watched his eyes turn from brown with deep black speckles, to deep black. both of his eyes turned into the color of the black speckles. the teacher just backed off and threw her hands up and back up two steps . he literally made her back off him, with one NO and one look.

back to yesterday, my meeting about speech therapy. i met with someone from Phoenix's early intervention team. as well, if you are a reader. Phoenix is SUPER sensitive . i have just come to accept this about him. His human senses are Hyper. Hypersensitivity is as mentioned on my previous post.
anyway, i was discussing how off the charts Phoenix's sensory issues have been lately. and i was talking to her about him covering up his ears when he hears certain sounds.
she actually said to me.. " you know he can hear things that we can not " What? i said to her "Really" she was totally confirming his hyper hearing. She has worked with Phoenix since he was two years old. and as been in this field for 30 years. SO, i believe her. Phoenix just hears things differently than we do.
but again, back to Evolution. Just think about what i have written about. and Phoenix is among 1000's that hear differently or hear things we do not.
theorist want to link autism to pollutants, environmental changes, vaccines, just to name a few.
i do not know what the answer is to this. but haven't frogs mutated from living in polluted water?
just asking?
anything is possible.
Are Phoenix and other Autistic crystal children mutations? my Phoenix can not talk well. he has a speech delay. but where he has this speech delay, he has made up for it, in hearing, and his eye sight. among other areas of his sensory.
I know his sense of touch has always been a little off. FluFFY. (in the search bar type in fluffy for more information on Phoenix's touch sensory)
Smell. I dont know yet.
taste. he likes plain vegetables. his favorite dinner is peas, second lima beans. he has the kiddie plants with the three divisions for food. on the biggest section of the plate, belongs to his vegetables not meat. in the other sections usually a banana, and i try to get him to eat meat, and he is not doing well eating meat. always plain pasta and plain rice.
i supplement him with a vitamin.

before our eyes we are watching Mutants right before eyes.

the spiritual sense. is this sense also HYPER?
things are happening around me. and around me is Phoenix.
who would believe this?

Mutant X..
the new humans......
their all around us.

Friday, October 15, 2010

baby steps Big Steps

part 1
my heart and soul feels like its getting stomped on right now. the seasons are changing to the dark time of year. and its hurts me physically, emotionally and most of all spiritually. but spiritually speaking its not that spiritual side of me, that shiney glitter glow of spring that radiates from me.. again here comes the dark. the dark side of my spiritual being, the sadness that comes with death of summer. Fall.
I live in the valley of the mountains. right in the middle. the lowest point in the area that i live. so, i watch the slow death of summer right before my eyes with the changing of the leaves.
i believe a lot has happened since the last time i stopped by here in my little piece of the Internet.
Phoenix, which he is the reason you landed on this page.
I learned something new about Phoenix's sensory issues, something i never imagined for the life of me.
Let me begin with saying, Phoenix one day started covering his ears when something he heard bothered him. it took me a long month for the reason to come to me. I am sorry sometimes i just dont get it. but never mind that.
i knew Phoenix has sensory issues. but i did not know what to expect with sensory issues. he plays with his fluffy and rubs it between his finger. His skin is super sensitive. i thought that was apart of his sensory too. he constantly has dry skin, especially now with the seasons changing. his skin has dry patches. right now its his legs, last week its was down his side. he is on a hydocortizone of 2.5 for his skin. He never acts like his dry skin bothers him. I realized not to let him take a bath, only showers, i dont want him sitting in water.
For about a week. different sounds or pitch would cause Phoenix to cover his ears and he would scream out in pain. one after noon his early childhood teacher mentioned Phoenix covering his ears, and panicking when they would be headed to music class. even certain voices from tv causes him to cover his ears. I didnt realize it, but Phoenix's sensory was heighten or elevated.
other people might call this sensory overload.
i started looking on the Internet about autism and sensory issues.and i ran across Sensory Hypersensitivity and Hyposensitivity.
after reading the article.
i realized Phoenix has Hypersensitivity.
the first is Hypervision.
i dont know how many times i have asked Phoenix, "how in the world did you see that?" or "how in the world did you find that?" When he was 6 months old, me and his dad took him to a company christmas party at his boss' house. I remember him playing on the floor and one of the guest commented on Phoenix picking up tiny pieces of lint off the carpet. it is reported on the above article, with hypervision you see particles flying the air. this is usually like rainbow colors floating in the air. But in a Crystal Children point of view here i would like to add , these particles could be of the veil between our world and the spiritual realm. Hypervision
which as children me and baby sister would love to watch the flying colors in our room at night. its a family thing.

Phoenix has demonstrated hyperhearing throughout his life.
When i took him to his brother's concert, the drums, which he loves drums. but not this drum, when the kid started playing the big round drum, Phoenix went crazy. He started screaming out in fear. it was something awful. i left the concert quickly, i took Phoenix outside and he could not calm down his fear. it was so bad, 7 months later, when we drop off his brother at school now, Phoenix just starts crying thinking he is going back to the concert.

i left this post for a couple of days.
me and Phoenix's dad have decided to go private for phoenix's speech therapy. i knew it would be very expensive. i prepared myself for $90 maybe $100 per hour. but, i received shocking quote from the therapist. $150 per hour. i felt like i had been punched in the stomach. no wonder parents with austic children are going bankrupt. of course, insurance coverage of autism is just tragic. tragic , i say. we keep getting told NO. insurance will not cover our austic child's therapy. i read out of desperation, parents telling their doctor that they child fell and hit their head, and now, the child cant talk, just to get the insurance to cover the child's speech therapy. it is so sad.
either these children get help now, the earlier the better. or when our autistic children grow up, where will they wind up? what will happen. with the constant diagnosis of autism 1-88 boys right now. in 20 years where will these millions of these children go, fit in. NOW, is the time to act. but, i believe where i live, our insurance coverage for autism keeps getting voting it down. does no one in our congress have austic children?
another thing that bothered me. our insurance company through my husband work. I cant call them out on this. But damn, beginning 2011 the company my husband works for, UH! they are beginning to cover Same Sex couples on their insurance policy. i am 100% for this jump forward in todays world. but what about my son and the other autistic children. they will cover same sex couples because it is the politically correct thing to do. mean while, Autism is left out in the cold again.
i am going to do the best thing i can do. we will wind up paying for our child's therapy. it is worth every cent.
Phoenix's teacher said he probably will not make it into JK or kindergarten. only because of his social skills. funny, but this state requires a kindergarten entrance exam. if you fail, you go to JK. just the other day i met a child who is six years old, but he is in JK. CRAZY ass state i live in. Phoenix would pass the entrance exam right now, to enter kindergarten. but he is lacking social skills. I cant help that my son has no desire to play with the other kids. he is working on it. he is still taking baby steps. Phoenix is finally dancing to music, its a wonderful thing, that's a big step.
i have a meeting today about Phoenix's speech today. i have to fill out paper work, and all that that goes along with that. i am happy and disgusted all that same time.
i am going to do the best i can do.