baby steps Big Steps

part 1
my heart and soul feels like its getting stomped on right now. the seasons are changing to the dark time of year. and its hurts me physically, emotionally and most of all spiritually. but spiritually speaking its not that spiritual side of me, that shiney glitter glow of spring that radiates from me.. again here comes the dark. the dark side of my spiritual being, the sadness that comes with death of summer. Fall.
I live in the valley of the mountains. right in the middle. the lowest point in the area that i live. so, i watch the slow death of summer right before my eyes with the changing of the leaves.
i believe a lot has happened since the last time i stopped by here in my little piece of the Internet.
Phoenix, which he is the reason you landed on this page.
I learned something new about Phoenix's sensory issues, something i never imagined for the life of me.
Let me begin with saying, Phoenix one day started covering his ears when something he heard bothered him. it took me a long month for the reason to come to me. I am sorry sometimes i just dont get it. but never mind that.
i knew Phoenix has sensory issues. but i did not know what to expect with sensory issues. he plays with his fluffy and rubs it between his finger. His skin is super sensitive. i thought that was apart of his sensory too. he constantly has dry skin, especially now with the seasons changing. his skin has dry patches. right now its his legs, last week its was down his side. he is on a hydocortizone of 2.5 for his skin. He never acts like his dry skin bothers him. I realized not to let him take a bath, only showers, i dont want him sitting in water.
For about a week. different sounds or pitch would cause Phoenix to cover his ears and he would scream out in pain. one after noon his early childhood teacher mentioned Phoenix covering his ears, and panicking when they would be headed to music class. even certain voices from tv causes him to cover his ears. I didnt realize it, but Phoenix's sensory was heighten or elevated.
other people might call this sensory overload.
i started looking on the Internet about autism and sensory issues.and i ran across Sensory Hypersensitivity and Hyposensitivity.
http://www.suite101.com/article.cfm/autism_world/96543
after reading the article.
i realized Phoenix has Hypersensitivity.
the first is Hypervision.
i dont know how many times i have asked Phoenix, "how in the world did you see that?" or "how in the world did you find that?" When he was 6 months old, me and his dad took him to a company christmas party at his boss' house. I remember him playing on the floor and one of the guest commented on Phoenix picking up tiny pieces of lint off the carpet. it is reported on the above article, with hypervision you see particles flying the air. this is usually like rainbow colors floating in the air. But in a Crystal Children point of view here i would like to add , these particles could be of the veil between our world and the spiritual realm. Hypervision
which as children me and baby sister would love to watch the flying colors in our room at night. its a family thing.

Hyperhearing
Phoenix has demonstrated hyperhearing throughout his life.
When i took him to his brother's concert, the drums, which he loves drums. but not this drum, when the kid started playing the big round drum, Phoenix went crazy. He started screaming out in fear. it was something awful. i left the concert quickly, i took Phoenix outside and he could not calm down his fear. it was so bad, 7 months later, when we drop off his brother at school now, Phoenix just starts crying thinking he is going back to the concert.
part2

i left this post for a couple of days.
me and Phoenix's dad have decided to go private for phoenix's speech therapy. i knew it would be very expensive. i prepared myself for $90 maybe $100 per hour. but, i received shocking quote from the therapist. $150 per hour. i felt like i had been punched in the stomach. no wonder parents with austic children are going bankrupt. of course, insurance coverage of autism is just tragic. tragic , i say. we keep getting told NO. insurance will not cover our austic child's therapy. i read out of desperation, parents telling their doctor that they child fell and hit their head, and now, the child cant talk, just to get the insurance to cover the child's speech therapy. it is so sad.
either these children get help now, the earlier the better. or when our autistic children grow up, where will they wind up? what will happen. with the constant diagnosis of autism 1-88 boys right now. in 20 years where will these millions of these children go, fit in. NOW, is the time to act. but, i believe where i live, our insurance coverage for autism keeps getting voting it down. does no one in our congress have austic children?
another thing that bothered me. our insurance company through my husband work. I cant call them out on this. But damn, beginning 2011 the company my husband works for, UH! they are beginning to cover Same Sex couples on their insurance policy. i am 100% for this jump forward in todays world. but what about my son and the other autistic children. they will cover same sex couples because it is the politically correct thing to do. mean while, Autism is left out in the cold again.
i am going to do the best thing i can do. we will wind up paying for our child's therapy. it is worth every cent.
Phoenix's teacher said he probably will not make it into JK or kindergarten. only because of his social skills. funny, but this state requires a kindergarten entrance exam. if you fail, you go to JK. just the other day i met a child who is six years old, but he is in JK. CRAZY ass state i live in. Phoenix would pass the entrance exam right now, to enter kindergarten. but he is lacking social skills. I cant help that my son has no desire to play with the other kids. he is working on it. he is still taking baby steps. Phoenix is finally dancing to music, its a wonderful thing, that's a big step.
i have a meeting today about Phoenix's speech today. i have to fill out paper work, and all that that goes along with that. i am happy and disgusted all that same time.
i am going to do the best i can do.

Everyday I see my Dream

Phoenix and I have been doing a lot of adjusting lately. Going to a new school has had its challenges. Phoenix's classroom is a lot smaller than the classroom he had last year.
Depending on what mood he is in varies day by day. Usually he is super pissed when i drop him off. And i mean pissed. Shew. When i drop him off at school, he runs to the class rocking chair and sits there and screams. Some days it is just a wimper when i drop him off, and he will sit and pout for a few minutes, then start his day with his classmates, and then some days. Phoenix cries so loud you can hear him in the next room. but, today was a really good day. Phoenix, instead of running to the rocking chair, he joined in with his class and begun his day, without being so pissed at the world. its amazing how Phoenix gets his point across....
at the beginning of school, the school ran a Lock Down drill. In case a crazy person invades the school. Well, all fifteen students and two teachers were in the classroom bathroom. imagine a tiny everything size bathroom for toddlers crammed packed with 8 typical and 7 of the delayed children. with the lights out.. my child had a mega melt down when the lights went out. Phoenix's showed the power of his lungs and vibrated the teachers ear drums. I was told you could her his fear in his voice. i know from experience that when Phoenix's sensory issues are aggravated , the emotion of fear can take over. it seems like once an emotion of his shows within him and directed out , the emotion is amplified.
Everyday it seems like I can see Phoenix's Autism showing itself and to others. He is just different than other children his age. Plain and simple. After the Lock Down Drill, Phoenix decided he wasnt going to use the bathroom in his classroom. I think now, after a couple of weeks he is doing better. But he was so pissed, he went on A Potty strike at school. he refused to pee at schhool
parenting a crystal child is hard work. and getting the crystal children main streamed is even harder work. when i was dreaming of Phoenix all those years ago, in my dreams, there were white picket fences, and tall glorous oak trees. with a little golden hair little boy sitting beneath it.
i had know idea why?

maybe some day

just as i thought, Phoenix had a terrible meltdown on his first day of school. he ran to the classroom bathroom slammed the door and started screaming as loud as he could. Phoenix was also the first one of the children to open the door and run out of the classroom.
i know he will adjust soon.

there's a lot of news today about autism's link to vaccines. the court of appeals struck in down again.

i dont have an opinion on the vaccine autism link. my son was not one of the children who were born typical, then received a vaccine, and then slip into The autism Spectrum.

When Phoenix was born, he was born On the Spectrum. I kept asking my husband over and over why isnt he crying?... I heard not a sound from him. but what i saw was huge deep black eyes starring back at me. it was if he was communicating through his eyes.
I believe his autism began right then.
I remember the nurses giving him a 5 and 6 on the apgar scale. i think that what its called.

Phoenix has a special gift, i havent figured it out yet. maybe some day

school begins

tomorrow the little Phoenix returns to school. thanks goodness its a new school, and he will not have a meltdown on the way there. probably when i walked out of the classroom do, he will begin to scream. i am so nervous. the set up of this classroom is different than his last one. there is no safety gate or anything to keep a child from opening the door and escaping the early childhood compound. my Phoenix moves like an Indian, (feather not a dot) he swiftly and fast.

I am a nervous wreck,, i dont want Phoenix to rebel and have a regression, because of starting up school.

i cant wait to see some positive results from using the fish oil in Phoenix's milk.
the Phoenix,
my dreams for you this school year
make some friends
play with others
make it in the end of the year school program play for parents
put more words together
be a good boy

there will two other children in his class with autism. 8 or 9 typicals.
we will see,
let's go speech therapy!

Summer Blues

it has been one wild, busy fast summer. my goal this summer was to have Phoenix potty trained before school. he was doing fine, UNTIL that pesky little term called REgrEssion, had to put a shroud over my Phoenix. Autism and regression, seem to go hand in hand. we can not escape it.
Phoenix was going pee and poo finally. i was so happy and proud. getting the communication down with the potty training was as hard as you think. but anyway, i degress.
I had to go get my other son, yes there is another, from PA. we took a road trip, Damn Road trip.
when we got home Phoenix would peepee just fine, but not the poo poo, can you imagine, I was so happy about Phoenix's progress potty training, then, a road trip plus autism = regression.....

Phoenix is talking ok. he is saying more and more words. Its like, thinking to myself.......
he just has a hard time moving his tongue to form words. its pretty interesting watching and listening to him.

today we were outside,Phoenix and me. I watched this child pick up a bumble bee, he picked it up by the bees wings. can you imagine my horror looking at this child, he held the bee up and looks at him and lets him go. now, he does this reguraly with butter flies. NothInG happened, the bee just flew away.. I dont know...
I dont understand it, but Phoenix decided he was going on a kissing spree. he was not kissing me either, he was kissing the flowers. maybe because Fall is sneaking up on us. and the Flowers will be gone soon

its Back to School time. I must say, I will be glad to see Phoenix go back to school. Speech therapy will begin again. and he needs it.........

here and there

the last month as been a whirlwind for me and Phoenix.
he loved going to the special kid camp. Phoenix learned to tolerate the cool lake water. he gets in his little swim ring and floats and floats. kicking his little feet here and there.

My butterfly garden is a great success this year. Phoenix Loves to chase butterfly. even when the butterflies are eating, he will walk up to them and pick up a butterfly and then let it go, it is an amazing site to see him interacting with the butterflies.

Potty training is go okay. we are still at the same place we were last month. getting him to go poo poo in the potty has been hard. he has done it a couple of times. i dont know if its the Autism that is making the potty training hard or if its just Phoenix. we keep on trying and trying though.

keeping Phoenix busy over the last month has been a task. from going to the Park, swimming ,shopping, playing in the garden.

we went as a family to the nice seafood buffet, last saturday, and Phoenix hated the restaurant. I dont know if there was to much noise, to many people, i just dont know. it was very expensive, and his dad was pissed, that Phoenix screamed the entire time. we couldnt take it anymore so we left the restaurant hungry...
the next night we went to another restaurant and Phoenix was fine
Phoenix just gave us a friendly reminder, he is autistic.

No News is good News

Phoenix has been going to a special kids camp this week. on the first day at the kids pick up point, i swear i could barely keep it together. i think i packed and repacked Phoenix's camp bag 5 times. making sure he had everything. All i could keep telling myself , was NO news is Good News... over and over. I know the camp would call if Phoenix could not handle it. but all is going great. there are a couple of children Phoenix's age.

Phoenix is learning to swim in the lake this week. they said he loves the water and never wants to leave the lake..

it was so hard letting him go to camp. but priority is getting him around as many children as i can..

we received a reminder notice for Phoenix's Autism appointment. My husband refuses to take Phoenix back to the doctor that diagnosed him with Autism. he thinks that the follow up appointment will be a waste of time and money.
he is probably right when you think about it.
there is no medication to help Phoenix's Autism, which if there was a medication, i dont think i would have him take it.
what could the doctor tell us really........ "okay your son still has Autism, and that will be $199.95 please."


We are seeing positive results from school and him being around the Typicals...
his vocabulary is around 100 words right now.
which is fabulous.

after camp this week, i have to find something for Phoenix to do the rest of the summer.
I tried the library, there is no story time there. i was super mad, because the library had a sign for story time...