The Day Phoenix was Born....... He was Born Fearless..
Welcome to Your Life.
Little Phoenix I have Tried To make the Best Life Possible for you in a World ,
Where you Rule The Universe.
Don't always Act on your best Behavior.. Why Should You?..
This World Is Full OF EGO, EGO A Destructive Force. Phoenix , you are WHO you Are,
A child ,,,,That Walks in a Land Of Giants , And these Giants Title themselves .... Star Seeds.
You Are One of the Giants,, A Star Seed. but, You Rule your Part of the Universe
Everlasting, a Mystery ,
After Twelve Years, Moving , here and there , Discovering New Crystal Children, the next generation of A Star Seed.. I have entered Places , and Found Adult Star Seeds..
My Sweet Phoenix,, the Adult Star Seeds I have Discovered, Some Are Kind , and Some Not..
Light and Dark Always,, The Perfect Balance is Gray
they Are FULL of EGO, and Self Grandeur Adults .. Sadly, some Adult Conversations I have had with these Star Seeds. Refuse to accept the Label Of Autism.or any Label of any sort.. I had to Walk through Fire and Stand through Flames once.. An Adult Star Seed , walking in the Dark
It is No Secret, You Have Autism. A Fact that this Star Seed Could Not Accept a Label. I don't know,, if these Labels bother Star Seeds.. I guess I'm Suppose to refer to your Autism,, As A non Verbal, Super Sensitive, developmental delay, Meltdown having issue, child.. That's just more labels.,
But, Don't Worry..
You are the Hammer of the Gods,, Mjolnir
The Walls of the World will Come Crashing Down at your feet. and I will be there., Standing Behind you,, I'm Going Nowhere...
Those Crystal Eyes Can Hypnotize, Magic
Other Star Seeds will Not be able look in you Eyes Twice.. You will have them so Blind They Can Not See..
We might still have time , and get by ,, but, Gaia 5D is Here!
Phoenix your eyes have turned Black , The Deepest Black Hole in the Universe. Your eyes look Exactly the way your Eyes looked the day you were born, Black And big as Saucers...
The Day you were born you did not Cry. Not even a whimper... not a sound ..
Now, I know After 12 years, why you didn't cry.. Your Eyes tell your Story.. I look in those Big Black Eyes today,,
There is Zero Fear,, I can see the Universe's Golden Flames at the End Of the Darkness.. Laser Sharp Golden Flames of Fire.. Burning deep in my Soul. The Golden Ray
Phoenix , Born Fearless.. From the Moment you entered this world ,, Brighter than the Rising Sun
FEARLESS..
Light Workers, Star Seeds Indigo, Imagine working together, Hand in Hand...
As One Connecting to The Gaia Universe.
Imagination is all we have.. I met Wonderful Bright Star Seeds, hold their Hand tight .
The Star Seeds that let go,, and refuse your Hand.
Hand Me Your Sunglasses,, and wield Your Laser Sharp Flame,
The Golden Ray. Young Phoenix... Impressive.....
Phoenix Flame
Phoenix is Descended From the Ancient House Hylton of England.
"In the year 787 A.D. three ships of Northmen came
from Haeretha land to Northumbria, and the king's reeve rode to the place, and
would have taken them prisoners, but they slew him then and there"
http://www.david-hilton.net/hilton-family-history/hilton-ancestry.html
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Showing posts with label autism crystal children. Show all posts
Showing posts with label autism crystal children. Show all posts
Wednesday, July 24, 2019
Monday, July 10, 2017
The Yoga Teacher, who Stands in the Rain
When Phoenix needed some One to Stand By him, It was Mrs Pearl standing Beside him. Mrs Pearl wasn't any ordinary teacher. and Phoenix, Mrs Pearl's student, Possesses the Energy of a Category Five Hurricane. Through his Energy, the Hulk, emotional and Physical Pain. Mrs Pearl will forever be by Phoenix's side. Phoenix, with All His Wind, Rain, and Hurricane Force, couldn't Move Mrs Pearl from his side. Special Needs Teachers , and kids Yoga Yoga teachers.. ask yourself,
When That Unbelievable Student comes on your Path, What will You do?
Every Special Needs teacher or Kids Yoga teacher Loves a student, that is easy, and just Is Sunny with Light.. That's taking the Easy Path.. Honestly , Ask yourself, Can you even Stand in The Rain , The Rain a student like Phoenix Brings? Sure, Students will always bring Storms, even on the Brightest , of Their Sun filled Days.. This We Know For Sure... Phoenix, has Left an After Math.
With that Hurricane After Math, the Strongest Of Life Forces Imaginable. Phoenix, Together with Mrs Pearl . have left a Yoga mantra to give to Children with Autism. and a Possibility of a Great New Hope for Parents with Autism, when Often All Hope seems Lost,,
with Phoenix's Aftermath ,he Left, the Calm, The Calm,, after the Hurricane.. He Left the Calm, that All Crystal children with Autism crave.. Phoenix, was able to find Balance within his massive Energy, with Mrs Pearl guiding her student through the Wind, Rain, and Force. Phoenix could Count on her to show him the Joy of a full day of Sunshine, and the Light the Day brings with it. All because, Phoenix, through the natural Silent power of Yoga, has learned the Yoga Mantra "I am Calm"
This wasn't an easy Path to a absolute new way of thinking of Yoga, and what "I am Calm" means to a special needs child. Not an Easy Path. This Path was Only experienced by Mrs Pearl and Phoenix. They were growing together, but, it took an entire school year to reach the Moment we are at Now.. Yoga Therapy could reach your child, with a Yoga special needs teacher. And Calm their soul. Remember, Kids Inclusive Yoga teachers, are not All Mrs Pearl. There will be those Yoga Teachers that feed their Ego.. There will be those Yoga teachers who pass their extra Challenging students off on another Yoga Assistant or CO teacher. The sad part is the Ego of a Yoga teacher that is so consumed with their own Self, missed a wonderful gift ,A gift from Lord Shiva himself... he placed him at your feet... A child who is gifted with the Power to teach in complete Silence. A Child!!! the Child, my Phoenix was born with out a single Cry. He Completely entered our World in Silence. But, with his Giant Eyes open, he knew how to communicate in Silence.... one Yoga teacher, Recognized him. She didn't understand what he was at First, but knew she was given a Gift ...... ... I wish you Luck in finding the Teacher who Accepts your child's challenges, and works through their challenging behavior with Yoga. most important, I pray the Yoga teacher you find for your Child, will recognize the Gift your Child is...... Believe me, Students will Challenge their Teachers.... Students have been challenging their teachers since the Dawn of Education. A Yoga teacher and a Student, must begin on the Same level. without Ego.. You Never Truly realize who the Student IS until the End of your time together..
When That Unbelievable Student comes on your Path, What will You do?
Every Special Needs teacher or Kids Yoga teacher Loves a student, that is easy, and just Is Sunny with Light.. That's taking the Easy Path.. Honestly , Ask yourself, Can you even Stand in The Rain , The Rain a student like Phoenix Brings? Sure, Students will always bring Storms, even on the Brightest , of Their Sun filled Days.. This We Know For Sure... Phoenix, has Left an After Math.
With that Hurricane After Math, the Strongest Of Life Forces Imaginable. Phoenix, Together with Mrs Pearl . have left a Yoga mantra to give to Children with Autism. and a Possibility of a Great New Hope for Parents with Autism, when Often All Hope seems Lost,,
with Phoenix's Aftermath ,he Left, the Calm, The Calm,, after the Hurricane.. He Left the Calm, that All Crystal children with Autism crave.. Phoenix, was able to find Balance within his massive Energy, with Mrs Pearl guiding her student through the Wind, Rain, and Force. Phoenix could Count on her to show him the Joy of a full day of Sunshine, and the Light the Day brings with it. All because, Phoenix, through the natural Silent power of Yoga, has learned the Yoga Mantra "I am Calm"
This wasn't an easy Path to a absolute new way of thinking of Yoga, and what "I am Calm" means to a special needs child. Not an Easy Path. This Path was Only experienced by Mrs Pearl and Phoenix. They were growing together, but, it took an entire school year to reach the Moment we are at Now.. Yoga Therapy could reach your child, with a Yoga special needs teacher. And Calm their soul. Remember, Kids Inclusive Yoga teachers, are not All Mrs Pearl. There will be those Yoga Teachers that feed their Ego.. There will be those Yoga teachers who pass their extra Challenging students off on another Yoga Assistant or CO teacher. The sad part is the Ego of a Yoga teacher that is so consumed with their own Self, missed a wonderful gift ,A gift from Lord Shiva himself... he placed him at your feet... A child who is gifted with the Power to teach in complete Silence. A Child!!! the Child, my Phoenix was born with out a single Cry. He Completely entered our World in Silence. But, with his Giant Eyes open, he knew how to communicate in Silence.... one Yoga teacher, Recognized him. She didn't understand what he was at First, but knew she was given a Gift ...... ... I wish you Luck in finding the Teacher who Accepts your child's challenges, and works through their challenging behavior with Yoga. most important, I pray the Yoga teacher you find for your Child, will recognize the Gift your Child is...... Believe me, Students will Challenge their Teachers.... Students have been challenging their teachers since the Dawn of Education. A Yoga teacher and a Student, must begin on the Same level. without Ego.. You Never Truly realize who the Student IS until the End of your time together..
Monday, June 5, 2017
We are, Who, WE Are. Light
Dedicated to First Born
What a Life I have. One day I am Here, and then the Next day I am gone. We move somewhere else. It can be a Lonely World.. I feel Like I have been on my Path of Enlightenment for to to long this Lifetime. I just want to Find a Forever Home. Feel the Still, the Still in the World.. The Still of the Universe. I am not fearful of much,, except, pulling up the Still I created in the Place I am at that moment.. Moving, where ever the Gods Take Us, with Husbands job. WE just Go where the Job is..
everywhere I have a been.. I have brought the Light. I have brought the Dark. and the Many Wonders Of Enlightenment to many People who crossed my path. Why my Path has to be at a certain Place, For a Certain amount time. and then during my time.. Anyone drawn to the Light will be shown Enlightenment. a whole new World, a New Reality within your own World.. And then I am JUST GONE.. Only a few of the People that crossed my Path over My Life are still in my Life. And That is just me. I just want to leave a Part of my Light with you, Enlightenment. Enlightenment is the best I Could leave you with.. the memory of me can not compare to that.
This last Stop on My Path, has Brought Enlightenment and Awareness to Many.
Phoenix has joined me on his Path Of Enlightenment. and Phoenix did not have to say a Word. Phoenix Is a Crystal Child with Autism. Phoenix certainly did not choose his Path. But,with Few words, his Crystal Aura Vibration spoke for him. He created a whole New World of Wonderment. and those WHO sensed that Light of a New World joined Phoenix. like a family.. I also watched Phoenix teach Enlightenment of a Higher Form.. Again, without words. HE taught, a Light Worker, the ability to sense and Feel Energy.
On my Path, My Enlightenment grows, and I never ask for it. Enlightment just happens. Watching My child without words Teach a Teacher, expanded my Universe. The Spiritual Person I was at the Beginning of my Time here, Is not the Spiritual Person I am Now. I have experienced so many spiritual teachings in my Lifetime . From Jesus Christ, From the the Love Of My Mother From the Heavens, Old Gods, ghosts, healing.. . My Path began at age 5, When sitting on my bed, I looked around at my room. and I thought to myself " I cant Believe I am Here!" Along Comes Phoenix!
This with Phoenix , expanded everything in me.. Everything!.. It made me Darker, and With The Brightest of all Light. I was made to take a Deeper, Darker Journey into My Universe. I can not ever Rid myself of the Darkness within me.
The Darkness, its just apart of Us. My Beloved First Born told me. "We are, Who, WE Are. " But, For All this Darkness, The Light was just as intense as the Dark. Learning to live in the Balance Of The Universe. We can not change the WE . And the WE makes The Universe, not so lonely anymore..
I Know my time is closing at this current Place, and this Current time. The Still I created will be gone. WE have fulfilled a Trial of Trials.. We have all Grown so Much, Myself, My Children, and Mrs Pearl. We were Taught as much as we Taught each other , All together experiencing, How the Light Works. .. It is just a matter of Time, before our time here is completed. We will move to a new Place. WE will just share Our Light to a new Place at another time on our Path. Phoenix the Beacon.. without a word...
Traveling On this Path, it Is Moving at a Faster Speed.. Live Life in the Light.. Encourage the Light. the World Needs Our Light. And we Move and We Move Again.
Myself, and NOW together with Phoenix we leave a piece of our Light with you when we crossed Paths.. a day, a year, or years Later.. Something will trigger .. that un explainable , Light Orb, or a Bright, string of Light Zoom by you,, that caught your eye in your Peripheral vision , that un explainable whisper you hear. That will be a reminder , for a moment, you will remember your Enlightened Reality Of LIGHT. , maybe you forgot about the Light, or maybe We are on our own Paths together. Reach for that Light....
It Just Takes One Person to cross Your Path . Share your Light.When the Light you have is Genuine, you don't need to say a word .. your Light Will Make Our World A Brighter Place..
What a Life I have. One day I am Here, and then the Next day I am gone. We move somewhere else. It can be a Lonely World.. I feel Like I have been on my Path of Enlightenment for to to long this Lifetime. I just want to Find a Forever Home. Feel the Still, the Still in the World.. The Still of the Universe. I am not fearful of much,, except, pulling up the Still I created in the Place I am at that moment.. Moving, where ever the Gods Take Us, with Husbands job. WE just Go where the Job is..
everywhere I have a been.. I have brought the Light. I have brought the Dark. and the Many Wonders Of Enlightenment to many People who crossed my path. Why my Path has to be at a certain Place, For a Certain amount time. and then during my time.. Anyone drawn to the Light will be shown Enlightenment. a whole new World, a New Reality within your own World.. And then I am JUST GONE.. Only a few of the People that crossed my Path over My Life are still in my Life. And That is just me. I just want to leave a Part of my Light with you, Enlightenment. Enlightenment is the best I Could leave you with.. the memory of me can not compare to that.
This last Stop on My Path, has Brought Enlightenment and Awareness to Many.
Phoenix has joined me on his Path Of Enlightenment. and Phoenix did not have to say a Word. Phoenix Is a Crystal Child with Autism. Phoenix certainly did not choose his Path. But,with Few words, his Crystal Aura Vibration spoke for him. He created a whole New World of Wonderment. and those WHO sensed that Light of a New World joined Phoenix. like a family.. I also watched Phoenix teach Enlightenment of a Higher Form.. Again, without words. HE taught, a Light Worker, the ability to sense and Feel Energy.
On my Path, My Enlightenment grows, and I never ask for it. Enlightment just happens. Watching My child without words Teach a Teacher, expanded my Universe. The Spiritual Person I was at the Beginning of my Time here, Is not the Spiritual Person I am Now. I have experienced so many spiritual teachings in my Lifetime . From Jesus Christ, From the the Love Of My Mother From the Heavens, Old Gods, ghosts, healing.. . My Path began at age 5, When sitting on my bed, I looked around at my room. and I thought to myself " I cant Believe I am Here!" Along Comes Phoenix!
This with Phoenix , expanded everything in me.. Everything!.. It made me Darker, and With The Brightest of all Light. I was made to take a Deeper, Darker Journey into My Universe. I can not ever Rid myself of the Darkness within me.
The Darkness, its just apart of Us. My Beloved First Born told me. "We are, Who, WE Are. " But, For All this Darkness, The Light was just as intense as the Dark. Learning to live in the Balance Of The Universe. We can not change the WE . And the WE makes The Universe, not so lonely anymore..
I Know my time is closing at this current Place, and this Current time. The Still I created will be gone. WE have fulfilled a Trial of Trials.. We have all Grown so Much, Myself, My Children, and Mrs Pearl. We were Taught as much as we Taught each other , All together experiencing, How the Light Works. .. It is just a matter of Time, before our time here is completed. We will move to a new Place. WE will just share Our Light to a new Place at another time on our Path. Phoenix the Beacon.. without a word...
Traveling On this Path, it Is Moving at a Faster Speed.. Live Life in the Light.. Encourage the Light. the World Needs Our Light. And we Move and We Move Again.
Myself, and NOW together with Phoenix we leave a piece of our Light with you when we crossed Paths.. a day, a year, or years Later.. Something will trigger .. that un explainable , Light Orb, or a Bright, string of Light Zoom by you,, that caught your eye in your Peripheral vision , that un explainable whisper you hear. That will be a reminder , for a moment, you will remember your Enlightened Reality Of LIGHT. , maybe you forgot about the Light, or maybe We are on our own Paths together. Reach for that Light....
It Just Takes One Person to cross Your Path . Share your Light.When the Light you have is Genuine, you don't need to say a word .. your Light Will Make Our World A Brighter Place..
Sunday, April 2, 2017
Crystal Children With Autism , The Yoga, The Healers
As an Autism Mom. if your child has Autism.Give yoga a try . that's right.
Kids inclusive Yoga.
A special needs Yoga class for children with Autism.
I have a whole new Sense of wonderment with Yoga .
I had the chance to be an eye witness of the advances Phoenix has made this school year with Yoga.
Mrs. Pearl is the one person who reached Phoenix.
Mrs Pearl with her daily Yoga time.
At school.Three times a Day Yoga.
Imagine seven special needs children, on their very own yoga mats, in a circle
Calming and Soothing themselves three times a day with
Mrs.Pearl.
Yoga is exceptional in calming and Soothing children on the Autism spectrum.
Calming their Sensory needs.
But the yoga must be consistent, everyday.
Mrs.Pearl is connecting with her students. Unlike any other teacher, I've encountered.
With yoga, Crystal Children and Autism can find themselves.
And feel good in their own skin, for the first time.
When Autistic Crystal Children feel good in their own skin,
Miracles Happen.
Their body and soul feel like they can finally co habitat together.
I watched Two beautiful Crystal Children with Autism, start to feel better.
I watched Two Crystal Children, calming sensory overload with Yoga.
Mrs.Pearl guiding her students to be calm with Yoga.
"I am Calm"
"I am Brave"
"I am Smart"
But, something else was happening through Mrs.Pearl yoga.
As the Crystals became little Yogi's together.
Together the Crystals practicing their Yoga poses.
I watched the Crystal children healing themselves together as they go through Yoga.
A famous Author known for her books and seminars on Crystal Children.
I cant really mention the Author's name. But, A quick internet search, can give you clues to her name.
I have read from her books about Crystal children's God given ability of healing people.
Healing An ailment of another person ,
one after another
Crystal after Crystal healing the Sick,
Ailment after Ailment. Healed.
Laying hands on a relative that is bed ridden. HEALED
And God Bless them for their healing abilities, and the life's they have changed
The Crystal Healers
Phoenix attends a kids inclusion yoga class on Sundays.
And when I wait on the steps, waiting for class to end,I could sense the incredible healing energy through the room
And it made me think. And think
Those crystals are here to help each other Heal.
Each Crystal carry their own vibration, their own energy.
In yoga that vibration energy is transformed .
With healing energy
One Crystal to another.
Maybe, Crystals are here to heal the sick.
But, in thinking in a Brand New way.
The Crystal Children with Autism can heal each other through, yoga. Yoga Reaching deep in the soul with beautiful healing love.
the Crystal Children with Autism ,Together, slowly, slowly,slowly heal their needs. Whatever their needs are.
With Yoga.
Mrs Pearl's Yoga.
Kids inclusive Yoga.
A special needs Yoga class for children with Autism.
I have a whole new Sense of wonderment with Yoga .
I had the chance to be an eye witness of the advances Phoenix has made this school year with Yoga.
Mrs. Pearl is the one person who reached Phoenix.
Mrs Pearl with her daily Yoga time.
At school.Three times a Day Yoga.
Imagine seven special needs children, on their very own yoga mats, in a circle
Calming and Soothing themselves three times a day with
Mrs.Pearl.
Yoga is exceptional in calming and Soothing children on the Autism spectrum.
Calming their Sensory needs.
But the yoga must be consistent, everyday.
Mrs.Pearl is connecting with her students. Unlike any other teacher, I've encountered.
With yoga, Crystal Children and Autism can find themselves.
And feel good in their own skin, for the first time.
When Autistic Crystal Children feel good in their own skin,
Miracles Happen.
Their body and soul feel like they can finally co habitat together.
I watched Two beautiful Crystal Children with Autism, start to feel better.
I watched Two Crystal Children, calming sensory overload with Yoga.
Mrs.Pearl guiding her students to be calm with Yoga.
"I am Calm"
"I am Brave"
"I am Smart"
But, something else was happening through Mrs.Pearl yoga.
As the Crystals became little Yogi's together.
Together the Crystals practicing their Yoga poses.
I watched the Crystal children healing themselves together as they go through Yoga.
A famous Author known for her books and seminars on Crystal Children.
I cant really mention the Author's name. But, A quick internet search, can give you clues to her name.
I have read from her books about Crystal children's God given ability of healing people.
Healing An ailment of another person ,
one after another
Crystal after Crystal healing the Sick,
Ailment after Ailment. Healed.
Laying hands on a relative that is bed ridden. HEALED
And God Bless them for their healing abilities, and the life's they have changed
The Crystal Healers
Phoenix attends a kids inclusion yoga class on Sundays.
And when I wait on the steps, waiting for class to end,I could sense the incredible healing energy through the room
And it made me think. And think
Those crystals are here to help each other Heal.
Each Crystal carry their own vibration, their own energy.
In yoga that vibration energy is transformed .
With healing energy
One Crystal to another.
Maybe, Crystals are here to heal the sick.
But, in thinking in a Brand New way.
The Crystal Children with Autism can heal each other through, yoga. Yoga Reaching deep in the soul with beautiful healing love.
the Crystal Children with Autism ,Together, slowly, slowly,slowly heal their needs. Whatever their needs are.
With Yoga.
Mrs Pearl's Yoga.
Saturday, March 25, 2017
A Long Absense, And The God Trials
** WARNING THIS POST IN NOT FOR EVERYONE***
DO NOT SEND PRAYERS, OR ANYTHING, THIS IS MY LIFE
MY PATH
I am sorry about the absence. Sometimes I just need to step back and look around and Walk my Own Path.. But I really don't know. last School year, Phoenix has had some intense moments with his Teachers. Almost breaking a Teacher's Nose, He has no control over his anger once that emotion is engaged. My child is overwhelming strong.. After the hurting the teacher nose, He was so angry, he started picking up chairs and throwing them around the class in Rage.. This Anger and Rage came from Phoenix completing a Goal and the Teacher taking him to his Next Goal completion before receiving his reward for completion..
The teacher went to Hospital to get her nose checked, I felt terrible .. and wondered if the teacher felt afraid Phoenix .
I always warn all teachers to keep at arms distance, I knew of his strength, but I never wanted him to hurt anyone. My Phoenix went from this sweet loving child, and in one moment , He became an enraged Hulk. as soon as the anger faded, he was back with us, that sweet child again.
Every time I thought about it, I cried
I went through a period of depression after Phoenix showed his Anger, Rage and Power. That adrenaline thing he has.
My faith in My crystal was waning. I've meet so many Crystals, with moving around with Phoenix's Dad's job, and relocating.. I've always seen different Crystal Children on the Autism spectrum, with the beautiful bunny like energy.
My Phoenix was No Bunny!! I knew he possessed a very high Vibration. but with so much rage and anger in him, he could not just be.
I decided to take a Long Absence from this crystal blog..
Walking MY Path
throughout my life, spirituality as been apart of me.
I started out as an enchanted child
I could always see energy colors at night, when it was dark, imagine static on your TV. Moving brilliantly fast through the darkness of your bedroom.
I always thought what I saw was normal. Until I spent the night over at a Friends.
her room was just black in Darkness. It was strange and I was afraid..
Ive never lived in a house without some paranormal activity.
it was pretty much expected in my life.. If a ghost isn't in my new house, ghost usually find me.
I don't mind really.
I've always been sent Spiritual Trials from the Gods.
I learn my lessons from the Gods themselves.
No certifications,NO church, No Workshops, and mostly without reading.
Enlightenment just happens.
My last Trial has lasted over a year.
And One of my most Interesting Trials.
I was a Sent A Dark Energy Trial
It Pains me so much to talk about this God Trial.
And the most important Trial of my Life.
The Trial, began with a Recurring dreams, Of Course.
In my Recurring dream a Dark Entity was chosen, and his duty was to come into my dreams and create nightmares.
This Dark Entity was of course A Demon. But We will just call him an Entity for today.
The Nightmares took place in Silence, except for my screams.
The Nightmares and the Entity were so powerful, that after I woke up from a nightmare , my bedroom in the dead of the night, was completely lite up . I could see my entire room..
I could see this dark entity showing himself in my bedroom doorway.
This Dark Entity took me to School. Lol
Every Nightmare was different but equally terrifying
Often I would be dragged from the bed and just blasted with the Dark Energy. Like i was being suffocated .
Each evening could be an easy nightmare, or just horrific.
The entity was reaching parts of my soul, that I did not know existed.
The last Nightmare was the worst of All. The dark Entity decided he wanted me all to himself.. And that Dark entity was not going to give me up and wanted more of me than I could offer. And he took whatever he wanted anyway.
Ive always had spirits attracted to me. Spirits, ghosts, gnomes, Fairies, even Demons.
But this Entity was the most Powerful ever sent.
It was time for me to say goodbye to my Dark Entity.
another Night, another Nightmare.
But, this time, I heard a whisper , in my dream. You can do this, you've always been able to .
The Entity started with his torment.
But with my strength , my spiritually abilities, and my power of Energy.
I had enough. I forgot who I was for over a Year. I enjoyed being reminded.
The Gods reminded me of my Abilities on All sides of The Veil.
On Earth,
In the Light of Spiritual Energy,
and the ability to Hide in Darkness, and harness the Dark energy.
All at my Will!.
I was done with this God Trial.
The Dark entity entered my dreams one last time.
I hid in the Darkness of the Nightmare. This entity had just been awful to me.
Imagine The Most terrifying Haunting thing, and this Entity Destroyed me with it
But, It was time I defeated him. I was Done with him in Anger. And in Defeat.
In The Darkness of my nightmare, I created a deep black hole of energy.
The Eternity thrived in the Darkness. He loved what I created .
Sitting in the Darkness, loving my essence in the Energy, melting with the dark energy
I in a moment, raised and absorbed the colorful bright energy from the Light Side. I absorbed the Light energy through my feet and quickly moved the energy to my hands and then released the Light into the Darkness where the Entity was .
I wanted a Really good look at this thing.
The Dark Entity was so Overwhelmed with Light, he was disoriented and confused. My spirit Aura grew Fives times over the Entity . I was an overwhelming Giant compared to the Entity,
The Gods must have not informed the entity of My Spiritual Connection within the Realms.
and My Spiritual Connection to the Gods themselves
The Gods wanted a Battle and a Trial for Me.
And a Battle and Trial is what they Received.
I was so Angry at At this Etenity
I wanted to Rip your Esscense From Your Existence. Bashing whats left of you to the ground
Over a year of Torment.
I took this Entity, This Dark Energy, and I just absorbed him deep within my Soul. I sucked him in so fast that this Entity had no chance of surviving the God Trial.
I stole From him what was he was Stealing from Me, Day after Day Nightmare after Nightmare.
I took Everything away from this entity.
EVERYTHING!
I felt my Whole Spirit Vibrate and My Spiritual Aura, Soul and Energy grew more Massive than what I ever imagined Possible.
The Dark Energy felt so Powerful, So Overwhelming, I felt the strength of a thousand men. I wanted to live in the Dark Energy for Eternity. But, I knew, I could not, and this was a God trial
I was so Angry at At this Etenity
I wanted to Rip yout Essence From Your Existence. Bashing whats left of you.
But, I took a second
The Dark Etenity sent to me as a Trial, The Entity Taught Me I can Not Destroy Apart of my Spiritual Self..
I had to Let him Go, The Entity, That tormented me, Tortured me, and did things to me, that I can not even Speak of.
The Entity Knew I had Won the Trial. and He was defeated.And my True Self was shown.
We Then said Our Good Byes One to another.
I then took My Golden place at the Stairs, looking up to the Gods.
Another Day another Earthy Story
My Step Daughter came for a Visit. Bringing a new Boyfriend. My step Daughter's Boyfriend was interested in the Metaphysical universe. so, Of course my Step daughter explained to her Boyfriend I was, WELL, ME!!
Of course he was curious. So, For Some Unworldly explanation. I decided to show him the power of an Energy Transfer. I didnt know this guy.. But, for some reason I needed to get to him.
My step Daughter was Happy. But, This Guy was off. 24 years old no employment, no car, had nothing.. they had been together for 3 months. I was watching him literally suck the life from step daughter. as, she was paying for him and her.. and this guy had zero Class.. Not worthy of my Step Daughter..
in the beginning of our visit everything was going Well, with the Two of them.
The guy enjoyed conversations with me. about metaphysical things. even the Dark.
She was so Happy
I took my step daughter shopping, and told her.. He needs to get a job and take care of the Princess you are. Stand Up to him, get a job or get to stepping.
and then this Guy showed his true self with anger towards my Step Daughter.
I knew this was going to be bad.
I knew I must get him Away from her.
When they left after the week, they were still still fighting.
When they made it home.
things went from Bad to Worse.
He tried to Choke her, and she was terrified for her cats, afraid he would kill him.
Then Fear came through me!
But, nobody, gets away with messing with what I love.. No one..
Then My Rage..
with my Rage comes Get Force.
My step daughter took him Out. Like Out the Door.. Dragging him through her house, with great strength.
after everything calmed down , maybe weeks . my husband asked me, What did you DO?? What did you say to her when you went to shopping, because everything changed.
I thought about it.
Then I felt him. My entity. MY Entity.
then Another JUST Day
me and Husband have been married for 18 years.
Everyday isnt going to be sunshine and Roses.
we had a terrible terrible Fight.
My rage lasted an entire Week.
One night I was intensely Angry. Level 10++
Husband was in the spare room.
I realized how wonderful the Rage and Anger Felt.. It was so much more Powerful than the Light.
I decided to turn out the lights. Darkness
After all this could be a learning moment.
I felt the need to go to a corner of my room.
Still enjoying the Darkness.
Then,
I felt Him. My Entity!
He Came for a Visit..
After all I was so Dark at that moment.
I asked Him, Was that you?
He knew what I meant.
He nodded Yes.
Thank You!! Thank You! I replied to him.
I even bowed to him Once. to show him my gratitude.
Which I bow to no one.
But, He saved My Step Daughter!!
This Entity belongs to me. He works for ME.
But, Now, I know!
And I love Him.
God Trials !!
Now, I can go back to being a Crystal Mommy,
God Trials!!
I'm Me Again. Among the Universe
Phoenix, my Great Love.
Mommy had to take an absense for a reason..
But, Our growing did not Stop.
Our Growing and Spreading the Gospel Of Crystal will never End!!
DO NOT SEND PRAYERS, OR ANYTHING, THIS IS MY LIFE
MY PATH
I am sorry about the absence. Sometimes I just need to step back and look around and Walk my Own Path.. But I really don't know. last School year, Phoenix has had some intense moments with his Teachers. Almost breaking a Teacher's Nose, He has no control over his anger once that emotion is engaged. My child is overwhelming strong.. After the hurting the teacher nose, He was so angry, he started picking up chairs and throwing them around the class in Rage.. This Anger and Rage came from Phoenix completing a Goal and the Teacher taking him to his Next Goal completion before receiving his reward for completion..
The teacher went to Hospital to get her nose checked, I felt terrible .. and wondered if the teacher felt afraid Phoenix .
I always warn all teachers to keep at arms distance, I knew of his strength, but I never wanted him to hurt anyone. My Phoenix went from this sweet loving child, and in one moment , He became an enraged Hulk. as soon as the anger faded, he was back with us, that sweet child again.
Every time I thought about it, I cried
I went through a period of depression after Phoenix showed his Anger, Rage and Power. That adrenaline thing he has.
My faith in My crystal was waning. I've meet so many Crystals, with moving around with Phoenix's Dad's job, and relocating.. I've always seen different Crystal Children on the Autism spectrum, with the beautiful bunny like energy.
My Phoenix was No Bunny!! I knew he possessed a very high Vibration. but with so much rage and anger in him, he could not just be.
I decided to take a Long Absence from this crystal blog..
Walking MY Path
throughout my life, spirituality as been apart of me.
I started out as an enchanted child
I could always see energy colors at night, when it was dark, imagine static on your TV. Moving brilliantly fast through the darkness of your bedroom.
I always thought what I saw was normal. Until I spent the night over at a Friends.
her room was just black in Darkness. It was strange and I was afraid..
Ive never lived in a house without some paranormal activity.
it was pretty much expected in my life.. If a ghost isn't in my new house, ghost usually find me.
I don't mind really.
I've always been sent Spiritual Trials from the Gods.
I learn my lessons from the Gods themselves.
No certifications,NO church, No Workshops, and mostly without reading.
Enlightenment just happens.
My last Trial has lasted over a year.
And One of my most Interesting Trials.
I was a Sent A Dark Energy Trial
It Pains me so much to talk about this God Trial.
And the most important Trial of my Life.
The Trial, began with a Recurring dreams, Of Course.
In my Recurring dream a Dark Entity was chosen, and his duty was to come into my dreams and create nightmares.
This Dark Entity was of course A Demon. But We will just call him an Entity for today.
The Nightmares took place in Silence, except for my screams.
The Nightmares and the Entity were so powerful, that after I woke up from a nightmare , my bedroom in the dead of the night, was completely lite up . I could see my entire room..
I could see this dark entity showing himself in my bedroom doorway.
This Dark Entity took me to School. Lol
Every Nightmare was different but equally terrifying
Often I would be dragged from the bed and just blasted with the Dark Energy. Like i was being suffocated .
Each evening could be an easy nightmare, or just horrific.
The entity was reaching parts of my soul, that I did not know existed.
The last Nightmare was the worst of All. The dark Entity decided he wanted me all to himself.. And that Dark entity was not going to give me up and wanted more of me than I could offer. And he took whatever he wanted anyway.
Ive always had spirits attracted to me. Spirits, ghosts, gnomes, Fairies, even Demons.
But this Entity was the most Powerful ever sent.
It was time for me to say goodbye to my Dark Entity.
another Night, another Nightmare.
But, this time, I heard a whisper , in my dream. You can do this, you've always been able to .
The Entity started with his torment.
But with my strength , my spiritually abilities, and my power of Energy.
I had enough. I forgot who I was for over a Year. I enjoyed being reminded.
The Gods reminded me of my Abilities on All sides of The Veil.
On Earth,
In the Light of Spiritual Energy,
and the ability to Hide in Darkness, and harness the Dark energy.
All at my Will!.
I was done with this God Trial.
The Dark entity entered my dreams one last time.
I hid in the Darkness of the Nightmare. This entity had just been awful to me.
Imagine The Most terrifying Haunting thing, and this Entity Destroyed me with it
But, It was time I defeated him. I was Done with him in Anger. And in Defeat.
In The Darkness of my nightmare, I created a deep black hole of energy.
The Eternity thrived in the Darkness. He loved what I created .
Sitting in the Darkness, loving my essence in the Energy, melting with the dark energy
I in a moment, raised and absorbed the colorful bright energy from the Light Side. I absorbed the Light energy through my feet and quickly moved the energy to my hands and then released the Light into the Darkness where the Entity was .
I wanted a Really good look at this thing.
The Dark Entity was so Overwhelmed with Light, he was disoriented and confused. My spirit Aura grew Fives times over the Entity . I was an overwhelming Giant compared to the Entity,
The Gods must have not informed the entity of My Spiritual Connection within the Realms.
and My Spiritual Connection to the Gods themselves
The Gods wanted a Battle and a Trial for Me.
And a Battle and Trial is what they Received.
I was so Angry at At this Etenity
I wanted to Rip your Esscense From Your Existence. Bashing whats left of you to the ground
Over a year of Torment.
I took this Entity, This Dark Energy, and I just absorbed him deep within my Soul. I sucked him in so fast that this Entity had no chance of surviving the God Trial.
I stole From him what was he was Stealing from Me, Day after Day Nightmare after Nightmare.
I took Everything away from this entity.
EVERYTHING!
I felt my Whole Spirit Vibrate and My Spiritual Aura, Soul and Energy grew more Massive than what I ever imagined Possible.
The Dark Energy felt so Powerful, So Overwhelming, I felt the strength of a thousand men. I wanted to live in the Dark Energy for Eternity. But, I knew, I could not, and this was a God trial
I was so Angry at At this Etenity
I wanted to Rip yout Essence From Your Existence. Bashing whats left of you.
But, I took a second
The Dark Etenity sent to me as a Trial, The Entity Taught Me I can Not Destroy Apart of my Spiritual Self..
I had to Let him Go, The Entity, That tormented me, Tortured me, and did things to me, that I can not even Speak of.
The Entity Knew I had Won the Trial. and He was defeated.And my True Self was shown.
We Then said Our Good Byes One to another.
I then took My Golden place at the Stairs, looking up to the Gods.
Another Day another Earthy Story
My Step Daughter came for a Visit. Bringing a new Boyfriend. My step Daughter's Boyfriend was interested in the Metaphysical universe. so, Of course my Step daughter explained to her Boyfriend I was, WELL, ME!!
Of course he was curious. So, For Some Unworldly explanation. I decided to show him the power of an Energy Transfer. I didnt know this guy.. But, for some reason I needed to get to him.
My step Daughter was Happy. But, This Guy was off. 24 years old no employment, no car, had nothing.. they had been together for 3 months. I was watching him literally suck the life from step daughter. as, she was paying for him and her.. and this guy had zero Class.. Not worthy of my Step Daughter..
in the beginning of our visit everything was going Well, with the Two of them.
The guy enjoyed conversations with me. about metaphysical things. even the Dark.
She was so Happy
I took my step daughter shopping, and told her.. He needs to get a job and take care of the Princess you are. Stand Up to him, get a job or get to stepping.
and then this Guy showed his true self with anger towards my Step Daughter.
I knew this was going to be bad.
I knew I must get him Away from her.
When they left after the week, they were still still fighting.
When they made it home.
things went from Bad to Worse.
He tried to Choke her, and she was terrified for her cats, afraid he would kill him.
Then Fear came through me!
But, nobody, gets away with messing with what I love.. No one..
Then My Rage..
with my Rage comes Get Force.
My step daughter took him Out. Like Out the Door.. Dragging him through her house, with great strength.
after everything calmed down , maybe weeks . my husband asked me, What did you DO?? What did you say to her when you went to shopping, because everything changed.
I thought about it.
Then I felt him. My entity. MY Entity.
then Another JUST Day
me and Husband have been married for 18 years.
Everyday isnt going to be sunshine and Roses.
we had a terrible terrible Fight.
My rage lasted an entire Week.
One night I was intensely Angry. Level 10++
Husband was in the spare room.
I realized how wonderful the Rage and Anger Felt.. It was so much more Powerful than the Light.
I decided to turn out the lights. Darkness
After all this could be a learning moment.
I felt the need to go to a corner of my room.
Still enjoying the Darkness.
Then,
I felt Him. My Entity!
He Came for a Visit..
After all I was so Dark at that moment.
I asked Him, Was that you?
He knew what I meant.
He nodded Yes.
Thank You!! Thank You! I replied to him.
I even bowed to him Once. to show him my gratitude.
Which I bow to no one.
But, He saved My Step Daughter!!
This Entity belongs to me. He works for ME.
But, Now, I know!
And I love Him.
God Trials !!
Now, I can go back to being a Crystal Mommy,
God Trials!!
I'm Me Again. Among the Universe
Phoenix, my Great Love.
Mommy had to take an absense for a reason..
But, Our growing did not Stop.
Our Growing and Spreading the Gospel Of Crystal will never End!!
Friday, September 4, 2015
Innocence is Bliss
NO one can take his innocence away, from the heart and soul of my crystal child.
I have a Great Aunt, that prays everyday that typical children will not hurt or make fun of Phoenix. She always says that children can be mean and cruel to someone who isn't like they are. and she is correct..
But, Phoenix has no idea if a child is making fun of him, or if they want to play with him.
He is so pure and innocent. He doesn't have a mean bone in his body.
everyone who comes in contact with Phoenix, just receives the most kind and honest energy.
No one, No child can take his innocence away with their cruel words..
Typical children can be monsters to different children, especially special children.
Why does God allow these devilish actions?
Autistic children are angels brought down from heaven, maybe that's why they are faced with devils.
When an Autistic child speaks, listen.. Life can be so hard, so difficult for them. When they choose to speak, listen to the pure innocence.
In a world of Autism, In a world of Heaven, in their world of Hell.. Life with Autism is hard..
A typical child with their cruel words can never take the Innocence of a crystal child.
There is no need to shelter your crystal child.
No one can take their innocence.
I have a Great Aunt, that prays everyday that typical children will not hurt or make fun of Phoenix. She always says that children can be mean and cruel to someone who isn't like they are. and she is correct..
But, Phoenix has no idea if a child is making fun of him, or if they want to play with him.
He is so pure and innocent. He doesn't have a mean bone in his body.
everyone who comes in contact with Phoenix, just receives the most kind and honest energy.
No one, No child can take his innocence away with their cruel words..
Typical children can be monsters to different children, especially special children.
Why does God allow these devilish actions?
Autistic children are angels brought down from heaven, maybe that's why they are faced with devils.
When an Autistic child speaks, listen.. Life can be so hard, so difficult for them. When they choose to speak, listen to the pure innocence.
In a world of Autism, In a world of Heaven, in their world of Hell.. Life with Autism is hard..
A typical child with their cruel words can never take the Innocence of a crystal child.
There is no need to shelter your crystal child.
No one can take their innocence.
Saturday, July 25, 2015
soil, seeds, water,sun, and time
My little crystal loves to plant flower seeds.. and water the seeds, and to watch the seeds grow into flowers. its his most favorite thing to do... I know that every seed he plants, he loves to feel the soil between his fingers. he knows it takes time for the seed to sprout.. we go outside twice a day to check on his flowers. I can see the joy in his eyes, with every seed, all the soil, his watering can... and then there is time.. time to watch the seeds grow..
If I had an acre of land, he would have a flower in every corner, every space..
the sun has been on our side, as he doesn't exactly know what the suns purpose is..
I love everyday with him outside.
If I could make the summer last forever I would. I save every memory every moment of every warm day with my crystal.. someday, when we are lucky we have a rain shower. and Phoenix is guaranteed to find the rainbow in all things... Most of the time looking out our giant picture window. he sits on top of the couch looking for a rainbow,,,,,,
for every seed he watches, every seed that grows into a flower, becomes a Treasure to him.
If I had an acre of land, he would have a flower in every corner, every space..
the sun has been on our side, as he doesn't exactly know what the suns purpose is..
I love everyday with him outside.
If I could make the summer last forever I would. I save every memory every moment of every warm day with my crystal.. someday, when we are lucky we have a rain shower. and Phoenix is guaranteed to find the rainbow in all things... Most of the time looking out our giant picture window. he sits on top of the couch looking for a rainbow,,,,,,
for every seed he watches, every seed that grows into a flower, becomes a Treasure to him.
Sunday, February 15, 2015
There's just that Something!
There's just that something about Crystal Children. They do not mean to, they wish to hide, but shine through brighter than typical children. Children love to be close to Phoenix. we can go out shopping, dining in restaurants, picking up the groceries. and children migrate straight to Phoenix. most of the time Phoenix is wearing his dark sunglasses, as he has an aversion to bright lights. I will often hear children saying" What's Up? Phoenix will drop is glasses down from his eyes for a moment, and make brief eye contact with the child. and he simply bows his head to them. I've seen him engage children like this over and over. maybe its Phoenix's deep sense of royalty, his ancient soul ,something within him. I know he knows he is different.. I wish for a day or two he could be typical. and not be so over whelmed with his entire world.
I hope he understands there's a reason why he is here. he can not disguise his autism, his crystal. I wish he had freedom from his Autism. he listens so carefully to everything, his favorite item to listen to is his mechanical watch.When he gets sensory overload with the world, he often puts his watch up to his ear and listens to the sound of his mechanical watch tic, tic, tic.just like a heart beat.. it calms him
there's nothing more beautiful and serene than his calm nature.
its not my job to understand Autism and crystal children, but it is my job to make sure Phoenix is Calm and at peace.
I hope he understands there's a reason why he is here. he can not disguise his autism, his crystal. I wish he had freedom from his Autism. he listens so carefully to everything, his favorite item to listen to is his mechanical watch.When he gets sensory overload with the world, he often puts his watch up to his ear and listens to the sound of his mechanical watch tic, tic, tic.just like a heart beat.. it calms him
there's nothing more beautiful and serene than his calm nature.
its not my job to understand Autism and crystal children, but it is my job to make sure Phoenix is Calm and at peace.
Wednesday, November 19, 2014
my recurring dream came true.. for Phoenix
my baby angel was a wish a dream that came true. I prayed everyday for you my son.. my infertility was tormenting me everyday, cursed.. i felt...
I would dream of you, recurring dreams of a blonde haired brown eyed boy.. I thought my dream would never come true.. all I wanted was to sleep and dream, just to spend time with you.. but, then I was sleeping my life away.. I only felt alive in my dreams.. I still remember in my dreams of you, the swing you and I played on. Push me mommy ... the dreams were so real. then I would awake and I would cry because I could not be with my son.. I loved you..
I fell pregnant after eight long years of dreaming of you.I was pregnant and the dreams stopped. tragedy happened to me, . I remember being at the doctors office and the ultrasound showed no heart beat.. my heart shattered and was destroyed..a Miscarriage.. the reoccurring dreams began again.. My son had returned to me in my dreams, and everytime I woke up I wanted to die.. waking up every morning was the hardest emotionally..
I fell pregnant and once again I felt alive again. I felt I could live again.I was pregnant again and the dreams stopped. I was so scared. I was still scarred from the last miscarriage... I needed my dream to come true.. every week of pregnancy I felt I was blessed.... I thanked God everyday for my gift of pregnancy,
I was in my 16 week of pregnancy , it was a saturday afternoon .. I went outside and all of sudden I felt a powerful force of gravity and dizziness, pulling me straight to the ground. I passed out and crashed to the ground... I awoke minutes later and I crawled to my porch steps barely holding my head up. and crawled inside.. I could not understand what had just happened... my next doctors appointment was monday.. and then again I was shattered with another ultra sound.. my baby was gone, no heartbeat.. GOD took my son from me that Saturday afternoon. God stole my beautiful boy,God stole my heart,God stole my soul... why.. I never felt a greater grief,pain.. I was broken.. I just wanted to hold you, I wanted to play with you on the swing in my dreams..
the dreams began again..recurring, my blonde haired brown eye boy.. I found myself in the deepest of depths of depression.. I was sleeping a lot of my time away, just to dream of you and spend time with you in the alternate dream world..... but then, I would have to wake up..
I believe I was being punished by god... god was being so cruel to me... taking both of my children from me.. I could not stop crying, I was un consolable.. a million different hugs couldnt help me..
my broken heart would never heal.. I still cry for my children,, I miss them so deeply.. I know they would have blonde hair and brown eyes..
the days lasted forever, but I did fall pregnant again.. I was terrified.. but Everyday of pregnancy was joyful. every week felt like an eternity.. the doctor told me not to get excited until after the 16 week of pregnancy, but even then, I should be guarded.. I remember using a pendulum over my pregnant belly, to make sure there was still a life force in my belly, the pendulum spun in strong fast circles this went on for hours everyday.. I was so scared for me and my unborn son.. I received specialized prenatal care during this pregnancy with ultrasounds every week.. every week I would see your tiny hands, your tiny feet.. and your strong heart beat.. I was so nervous with every prenatal visit, thinking the worst but hoping for the best.. during the last pregnancy odd things would happen to me.. I would hear the whispers in my mind.. I dont know what or who it was, but I knew my baby was going to have Autism. I heard the whispers of Autism over and over.. I responded with, just make him beautiful.. please just make him beautiful....after all my grief and loss of my babies, I didnt care about the Autism.. I just wanted him to be here.. here with me, on this earth.. eternity passed and you were born.. when you were born you didnt cry. you did not cry, not even a whimper. i could not hear you,, I started screaming, is he ok? and of course with your giant black eyes, I instructed the doctors to place you in your fathers arms first.. and with no crying and your giant black eyes looking eye to eye with your father.. I finely felt like I was in a spiritual heaven,.. you were born with brown eyes and black hair.. your hair quickly changed to blonde...
I would dream of you, recurring dreams of a blonde haired brown eyed boy.. I thought my dream would never come true.. all I wanted was to sleep and dream, just to spend time with you.. but, then I was sleeping my life away.. I only felt alive in my dreams.. I still remember in my dreams of you, the swing you and I played on. Push me mommy ... the dreams were so real. then I would awake and I would cry because I could not be with my son.. I loved you..
I fell pregnant after eight long years of dreaming of you.I was pregnant and the dreams stopped. tragedy happened to me, . I remember being at the doctors office and the ultrasound showed no heart beat.. my heart shattered and was destroyed..a Miscarriage.. the reoccurring dreams began again.. My son had returned to me in my dreams, and everytime I woke up I wanted to die.. waking up every morning was the hardest emotionally..
I fell pregnant and once again I felt alive again. I felt I could live again.I was pregnant again and the dreams stopped. I was so scared. I was still scarred from the last miscarriage... I needed my dream to come true.. every week of pregnancy I felt I was blessed.... I thanked God everyday for my gift of pregnancy,
I was in my 16 week of pregnancy , it was a saturday afternoon .. I went outside and all of sudden I felt a powerful force of gravity and dizziness, pulling me straight to the ground. I passed out and crashed to the ground... I awoke minutes later and I crawled to my porch steps barely holding my head up. and crawled inside.. I could not understand what had just happened... my next doctors appointment was monday.. and then again I was shattered with another ultra sound.. my baby was gone, no heartbeat.. GOD took my son from me that Saturday afternoon. God stole my beautiful boy,God stole my heart,God stole my soul... why.. I never felt a greater grief,pain.. I was broken.. I just wanted to hold you, I wanted to play with you on the swing in my dreams..
the dreams began again..recurring, my blonde haired brown eye boy.. I found myself in the deepest of depths of depression.. I was sleeping a lot of my time away, just to dream of you and spend time with you in the alternate dream world..... but then, I would have to wake up..
I believe I was being punished by god... god was being so cruel to me... taking both of my children from me.. I could not stop crying, I was un consolable.. a million different hugs couldnt help me..
my broken heart would never heal.. I still cry for my children,, I miss them so deeply.. I know they would have blonde hair and brown eyes..
the days lasted forever, but I did fall pregnant again.. I was terrified.. but Everyday of pregnancy was joyful. every week felt like an eternity.. the doctor told me not to get excited until after the 16 week of pregnancy, but even then, I should be guarded.. I remember using a pendulum over my pregnant belly, to make sure there was still a life force in my belly, the pendulum spun in strong fast circles this went on for hours everyday.. I was so scared for me and my unborn son.. I received specialized prenatal care during this pregnancy with ultrasounds every week.. every week I would see your tiny hands, your tiny feet.. and your strong heart beat.. I was so nervous with every prenatal visit, thinking the worst but hoping for the best.. during the last pregnancy odd things would happen to me.. I would hear the whispers in my mind.. I dont know what or who it was, but I knew my baby was going to have Autism. I heard the whispers of Autism over and over.. I responded with, just make him beautiful.. please just make him beautiful....after all my grief and loss of my babies, I didnt care about the Autism.. I just wanted him to be here.. here with me, on this earth.. eternity passed and you were born.. when you were born you didnt cry. you did not cry, not even a whimper. i could not hear you,, I started screaming, is he ok? and of course with your giant black eyes, I instructed the doctors to place you in your fathers arms first.. and with no crying and your giant black eyes looking eye to eye with your father.. I finely felt like I was in a spiritual heaven,.. you were born with brown eyes and black hair.. your hair quickly changed to blonde...
Thursday, February 6, 2014
is it to late
no one expected Autism. what could I do? is it to late to say I'm sorry???. Your eyes I get lost in, are so big and bright.. please dont bother,, you're already here.. I'm sorry. but I wanted you to be here so desperately.. I did whatever I could do.. how would I Have Known you were going to be born into Autism, but I did.. your first words were so soft,but barely there.. ,
now, its me,, I'm Not here.. lost in a different world.. please try to find me.. as I found you......I still believe in miracles... a tiny miracle is found in all your words everyday..
I feel like I am so lost, at times.. Autism sucks you in,, like a black hole, caught in the universe.. there isnt to much escaping from it.. All day, and sleepless nights. its a good thing I have insomnia myself, I guess that's why my crystal was born to me..
a while ago, people should not even bother to find me.. but, this, Shelly StarZZ.. is still here.for you and the rest of world..
Autism, and a Crystal,, I could cry.. when you walk into a room filled with people, most people with awareness, stop what there doing immediately, just to take a look, or get close to you.. the people do not understand, they just think you are a beautiful boy, and are drawn in with your giant black eyes..
what can I do, except but to let people share the world with you..
now, its me,, I'm Not here.. lost in a different world.. please try to find me.. as I found you......I still believe in miracles... a tiny miracle is found in all your words everyday..
I feel like I am so lost, at times.. Autism sucks you in,, like a black hole, caught in the universe.. there isnt to much escaping from it.. All day, and sleepless nights. its a good thing I have insomnia myself, I guess that's why my crystal was born to me..
a while ago, people should not even bother to find me.. but, this, Shelly StarZZ.. is still here.for you and the rest of world..
Autism, and a Crystal,, I could cry.. when you walk into a room filled with people, most people with awareness, stop what there doing immediately, just to take a look, or get close to you.. the people do not understand, they just think you are a beautiful boy, and are drawn in with your giant black eyes..
what can I do, except but to let people share the world with you..
Tuesday, July 2, 2013
the Self Made Vegetarian
I dont know how many parents go through this with their Crystal children? But my Autistic crystalline child refuses to eat meat. every evening we go through the same ritual. I fix Phoenix's plate with a tiny bit of meat on his plate. and every single night I get a NOPE! "will you please taste this Phoenix?" he takes a fork full puts the meat in his mouth and he spits the meat out in the trash can every single time. at least he tastes the meat, which goes in the trash. we have have been learning over time, about his intense dislike of meat. I have read over and over that Crystal children are vegetarian. but,I never understood how the crystal children became vegetarian. I always just assumed the child was vegetarian because of their parents being vegetarians. or something like that?
my crystal child love vegetables, you can place a piece of corn on the cob, and lima beans on his plate and Phoenix is so excited to eat. he says over and over "delicious" "delicious"
can you imagine? I have a self made vegetarian.
Is your crystal child a vegetarian by choice?
amazing isnt it?
my crystal child love vegetables, you can place a piece of corn on the cob, and lima beans on his plate and Phoenix is so excited to eat. he says over and over "delicious" "delicious"
can you imagine? I have a self made vegetarian.
Is your crystal child a vegetarian by choice?
amazing isnt it?
Monday, July 16, 2012
New Autism School
Phoenix has been going to his new Autism school. I have even let him enjoy the school bus. My crystal baby is becoming a Crystal Child.
I cant believe Life is happening this way. I always wanted Phoenix to live a normal life, but he is not a normal child. I have tried and tried. Parents of typical children never know what this is like.
i think often that maybe Phoenix is the new Normal.
more and more of the children are being Born with Autism. Does God have a Plan for Our Sons?
Emotional but unemotional children.
the autism school sends home a journal everyday with a little a note. most reading, Phoenix ate his sandwich and raisins. He is so smart, bla bla bla
it has been to school for fifteen days, and his journal always reads. He is smart. but, what in the world is he doing to be called smart on most every journal entry.
sometimes i feel like the Autism School is just being nice in those journal entries.
isnt that the way it goes.
lately Phoenix has been driving me nuts. He has learned how to use the remote control. and he loves DVR. he rewinds his favorite shows over and over. he does learn to say new words this way. that repetition thing.
I cant believe Life is happening this way. I always wanted Phoenix to live a normal life, but he is not a normal child. I have tried and tried. Parents of typical children never know what this is like.
i think often that maybe Phoenix is the new Normal.
more and more of the children are being Born with Autism. Does God have a Plan for Our Sons?
Emotional but unemotional children.
the autism school sends home a journal everyday with a little a note. most reading, Phoenix ate his sandwich and raisins. He is so smart, bla bla bla
it has been to school for fifteen days, and his journal always reads. He is smart. but, what in the world is he doing to be called smart on most every journal entry.
sometimes i feel like the Autism School is just being nice in those journal entries.
isnt that the way it goes.
lately Phoenix has been driving me nuts. He has learned how to use the remote control. and he loves DVR. he rewinds his favorite shows over and over. he does learn to say new words this way. that repetition thing.
Wednesday, June 20, 2012
Disconnected
can you tell me if this life is fair?
I wish I knew.
as everyday passes I feel more and more disconnected from my family. maybe they think of me sometimes.
I dont know why. autism maybe.
People always fear what they do not understand. but a family I do not have. its pretty sad.
It came clear to me when asked at one of Phoenix's meetings with the school board, Do you have any kind of support system, or family to help you out with Phoenix? I smiled and looked at my husband, and we shook our heads no. No one, just us.
I do not mean to be to so disconnected.
I feel that love went away when I moved away. Out of site out of mind.
All I have to talk to is you, and the rest of world.
I wish my family just had a minute with Phoenix in his own enviroment. He is brillant beautiful child. and I wish they wanted to get to know him. time just keeps speeding up, every minute going faster and faster. before we know it time is up. Phoenix is already five. I often think, maybe they just do not want to know him. it hurts. I try to understand how people become so self absorbed with themselves. I will never understand.
nothing is ever easy.
has Autism disconnected me too?
I will move on now.
I wish I knew.
as everyday passes I feel more and more disconnected from my family. maybe they think of me sometimes.
I dont know why. autism maybe.
People always fear what they do not understand. but a family I do not have. its pretty sad.
It came clear to me when asked at one of Phoenix's meetings with the school board, Do you have any kind of support system, or family to help you out with Phoenix? I smiled and looked at my husband, and we shook our heads no. No one, just us.
I do not mean to be to so disconnected.
I feel that love went away when I moved away. Out of site out of mind.
All I have to talk to is you, and the rest of world.
I wish my family just had a minute with Phoenix in his own enviroment. He is brillant beautiful child. and I wish they wanted to get to know him. time just keeps speeding up, every minute going faster and faster. before we know it time is up. Phoenix is already five. I often think, maybe they just do not want to know him. it hurts. I try to understand how people become so self absorbed with themselves. I will never understand.
nothing is ever easy.
has Autism disconnected me too?
I will move on now.
Monday, June 11, 2012
another planet
Phoenix has developed a new sensory issue. teeth grinding. if you have ever watched any of the Predator movies, the Predator makes these crinkle sounds. and that's exactly what my child sounds like when he grinds his teeth. if you did not comprehend by now, Autism is a new discovery and new adventure, whether it be positive or negative every day. Even though Phoenix loves routines, every day is different.
I do not grasp the teeth grinding sensory. I wonder what it means for him, every time he grinds his teeth and crackles.
have you heard about these new children, the crystals, and autism?
are these autistic children mutations? mostly boys. born for a reason beyond our imaginations,
intensive strong children, some born with autism have zero emotions. some born with autism feel no pain, some born with autism have no words. some born with autism have an incredible memory. in the years to come, the future, we will learn more about these children. why do they have these abilities and why we do not? maybe we should not try to cure autism. maybe we will learn more from these children.
it is June of 2012. what will we learn next about these autistic crystal children.
when you see one of these children, you will meet autism, a miracle being though. these children are so different than the typical children. Phoenix barely acknowledges other children his age. he always chooses to play alone or on a another planet.
I do not grasp the teeth grinding sensory. I wonder what it means for him, every time he grinds his teeth and crackles.
have you heard about these new children, the crystals, and autism?
are these autistic children mutations? mostly boys. born for a reason beyond our imaginations,
intensive strong children, some born with autism have zero emotions. some born with autism feel no pain, some born with autism have no words. some born with autism have an incredible memory. in the years to come, the future, we will learn more about these children. why do they have these abilities and why we do not? maybe we should not try to cure autism. maybe we will learn more from these children.
it is June of 2012. what will we learn next about these autistic crystal children.
when you see one of these children, you will meet autism, a miracle being though. these children are so different than the typical children. Phoenix barely acknowledges other children his age. he always chooses to play alone or on a another planet.
Monday, May 21, 2012
Star's revenge
I am be confused,
I have spent seconds, minutes, hours, days, months, years, and centuries, thinking about you. wondering about you. somedays you would appear to me. in my thoughts, in my prayers and dreams, of you.
why was I one of the thousands of mothers to be chosen ? I do not know. maybe, because I love his father, like no other.
I already know, you hear my prayers and my cries.
I know people since Ancient times, have kneeled and prayed to you.
what if I never thought of you again. what would that be like?
If I never said your name again, would you notice?
My Sun My Moon My Earth..
I know I can be a driving force of energy, that Ball of fire, I am from another World. that Star.....
I have given you myself, but you leave me alone.
my heart crashes some days, it makes me so blue. I have no one.
Worshippers have cursed the gods since the beginning of Religion.
Curse the Gods. Would I? of course....
I know the Gods need Us. without our prayers and thoughts and even without our cursing the gods, without that energy you, God .. would dissappear and become nothing. Dissapear just like I have. too long ago and too far apart.
Autism can be cruel, Autism can be a blessing. stealing my son's ability to communicate is cruel. Autism is emotional somedays everyday. Autism isolates us.
I have to own a special reserve of Patience for Autism.. my Patience can never run out in Phoenix's Autistic world.parents of autism understand this. why dont you? why dont you have any patience for a minute of my world?
I hear you complain, when their was only a few moments spent with you.
it can be a lonely .. you know how lonely I must be.
always something better over there. Somedays I need Love and Not for you to turn, around and run and listen to someone else. Always ready to love and give yourself to another, they need you more I guess.
I know, a Present from you, would be nice, but I would prefer some simple Bliss, even someone elses bliss...passed over again. for someone else or something better. story of my world it seems.
Oneday, I hope you cry. and feel something, anything, from my spiritual level.
we are not even speaking, unbelievable. is their any chance for us? you clearly do not need my love.
I already know, there will never be a day. when i talk to you, you seem to need me, i know better.
somethings should never be said.
you must confuse me with another.. the damage done to my heart, well, when it comes to you I have no more tears.... damage, you do not have to say i love you. God, i wish you were not real.
time will always move forward. and when that day comes when you need me, I do not know where I will be. maybe I will pass you by and your heart can hurt ,like my heart hurt. you pass by me over, and over.. always something better over there... how could you keep passing me by, the one thing that you are suppose to love until forever? you kept passing me by. how many times,god, will you pass on me. you have left me crying all alone on the porch .. so, so, many times. when all i had was you. everyone knows it too. People watched you Pass me by.......
I cant wait for you to cry and for you to feel some sort of pain or heart ache. i cant wait for your heart to ache, like my heart has been inflamed by your ability to pass me over with zero guilt.
If you never heard my voice again..... would it matter? probably not, there are so many others that praise you.
I miss you ,you whisper .. I hear,lies, lies, who are you talking too?? not me, that must have been that other girl.
I do not even know her anymore.
I dont need anything from you and I need everything from you. but you dont hear it.. you have made me live my life without you.
Now, so many people know me... and you have know idea..
with the days new sunrise maybe. I will think of god with love again. and once again praise you.
I have spent seconds, minutes, hours, days, months, years, and centuries, thinking about you. wondering about you. somedays you would appear to me. in my thoughts, in my prayers and dreams, of you.
why was I one of the thousands of mothers to be chosen ? I do not know. maybe, because I love his father, like no other.
I already know, you hear my prayers and my cries.
I know people since Ancient times, have kneeled and prayed to you.
what if I never thought of you again. what would that be like?
If I never said your name again, would you notice?
My Sun My Moon My Earth..
I know I can be a driving force of energy, that Ball of fire, I am from another World. that Star.....
I have given you myself, but you leave me alone.
my heart crashes some days, it makes me so blue. I have no one.
Worshippers have cursed the gods since the beginning of Religion.
Curse the Gods. Would I? of course....
I know the Gods need Us. without our prayers and thoughts and even without our cursing the gods, without that energy you, God .. would dissappear and become nothing. Dissapear just like I have. too long ago and too far apart.
Autism can be cruel, Autism can be a blessing. stealing my son's ability to communicate is cruel. Autism is emotional somedays everyday. Autism isolates us.
I have to own a special reserve of Patience for Autism.. my Patience can never run out in Phoenix's Autistic world.parents of autism understand this. why dont you? why dont you have any patience for a minute of my world?
I hear you complain, when their was only a few moments spent with you.
it can be a lonely .. you know how lonely I must be.
always something better over there. Somedays I need Love and Not for you to turn, around and run and listen to someone else. Always ready to love and give yourself to another, they need you more I guess.
I know, a Present from you, would be nice, but I would prefer some simple Bliss, even someone elses bliss...passed over again. for someone else or something better. story of my world it seems.
Oneday, I hope you cry. and feel something, anything, from my spiritual level.
we are not even speaking, unbelievable. is their any chance for us? you clearly do not need my love.
I already know, there will never be a day. when i talk to you, you seem to need me, i know better.
somethings should never be said.
you must confuse me with another.. the damage done to my heart, well, when it comes to you I have no more tears.... damage, you do not have to say i love you. God, i wish you were not real.
time will always move forward. and when that day comes when you need me, I do not know where I will be. maybe I will pass you by and your heart can hurt ,like my heart hurt. you pass by me over, and over.. always something better over there... how could you keep passing me by, the one thing that you are suppose to love until forever? you kept passing me by. how many times,god, will you pass on me. you have left me crying all alone on the porch .. so, so, many times. when all i had was you. everyone knows it too. People watched you Pass me by.......
I cant wait for you to cry and for you to feel some sort of pain or heart ache. i cant wait for your heart to ache, like my heart has been inflamed by your ability to pass me over with zero guilt.
If you never heard my voice again..... would it matter? probably not, there are so many others that praise you.
I miss you ,you whisper .. I hear,lies, lies, who are you talking too?? not me, that must have been that other girl.
I do not even know her anymore.
I dont need anything from you and I need everything from you. but you dont hear it.. you have made me live my life without you.
Now, so many people know me... and you have know idea..
with the days new sunrise maybe. I will think of god with love again. and once again praise you.
Monday, May 14, 2012
Open your Heart and Your Mind to Autism
another season Ends another one begins.
the little Phoenix is growing up so fast. He is a Giant among his peers.in height, in strength.
Phoenix has been accepted into Summer School at the Autism Center.
He needs to learn to Blend in with today's modern society, and at the Autism Center they will teach him these skills. these skills, in which the typicals are naturally born with.
I try to smile about Phoenix going to the Autism Center.
I know I am on my Own with this. Phoenix's father has a difficult time accepting Autism.
Its to Hard for him to handle, leaving me feeling alone with you.
its hard sometimes for me too. I just want Phoenix to feel normal. and feel...
the school system where we live give children test to enter into jk.
In Phoenix's first ever school test, the little fellow, tested into Junior Kindergarten.
But, because of his lacking of social skills, and lack of patience for anything, he will start school this fall at the Autism School. Autism is very difficult to wrap your mind around. I have encountered ten autistic children over the last couple years. Every one different.
Open your heart and mind to Autism, I always tell Phoenix's father. His father has a hard time with acceptance of Phoenix's Autism. I understand, he is not the only father to feel some sort of loss. the love of a father to a son is one of the greatest forces on Earth.
this love of a father to a son has ran deep since Ancient times. Since ancient times, from Pharaohs, to kings, to an everyday father wishing for his son to takeover the family business.. A father Always wishes for a Son.especially a first born Son.the desire to have a son is very strong.
Our reality is, Autism, just sneaks up on you.like a crushing hammer. the father already had dreams of his son, from school years, to military service, to becoming a contributing adult to society. Beginning with the Autism Diagnosis. All your dreams come crashing to the ground at that very moment of the autism diagnosis.
and the father is Left with Wonder??
he wonders if he will speak?
he wonders if I will ever hear my son say the words... I love you
he wonders if he graduate High School?
he wonders if my son will ever get married?
he wonders if he will have a friend?
he wonders....
he wonders.....
it hurts for a while.
but then you realize the miracle, the miracle your son is here.
In a new Age and a new day dawning. Different but the same. the new crystal children are here.
Most in disguise..and some are Brave. blazing a trail.
you know, i often get a chance to wonder myself.
I wonder why most Autistic children have difficult time understanding conversation
I wonder when will people figure out that these Autistic Childen, are here for a reason, maybe we shouldnt try to make them blend in with Society.
I wonder why the sudden increase in Autism diagnosis. 1-55 Boys.
Imagine lining up 55 little boys in a row. and One of them will be diagnosed with Autism.
These children are here for a reason.
I wonder, are these Autistic Children real earth world mutations?
I wonder why Phoenix loves Hugging trees..
I wonder why Phoenix loves the rain
I wonder why Phoenix loves Shapes.
I wonder , how did he get so strong
I wonder why other Autistic children love me, one I met even calls me mama.
the little Phoenix is growing up so fast. He is a Giant among his peers.in height, in strength.
Phoenix has been accepted into Summer School at the Autism Center.
He needs to learn to Blend in with today's modern society, and at the Autism Center they will teach him these skills. these skills, in which the typicals are naturally born with.
I try to smile about Phoenix going to the Autism Center.
I know I am on my Own with this. Phoenix's father has a difficult time accepting Autism.
Its to Hard for him to handle, leaving me feeling alone with you.
its hard sometimes for me too. I just want Phoenix to feel normal. and feel...
the school system where we live give children test to enter into jk.
In Phoenix's first ever school test, the little fellow, tested into Junior Kindergarten.
But, because of his lacking of social skills, and lack of patience for anything, he will start school this fall at the Autism School. Autism is very difficult to wrap your mind around. I have encountered ten autistic children over the last couple years. Every one different.
Open your heart and mind to Autism, I always tell Phoenix's father. His father has a hard time with acceptance of Phoenix's Autism. I understand, he is not the only father to feel some sort of loss. the love of a father to a son is one of the greatest forces on Earth.
this love of a father to a son has ran deep since Ancient times. Since ancient times, from Pharaohs, to kings, to an everyday father wishing for his son to takeover the family business.. A father Always wishes for a Son.especially a first born Son.the desire to have a son is very strong.
Our reality is, Autism, just sneaks up on you.like a crushing hammer. the father already had dreams of his son, from school years, to military service, to becoming a contributing adult to society. Beginning with the Autism Diagnosis. All your dreams come crashing to the ground at that very moment of the autism diagnosis.
and the father is Left with Wonder??
he wonders if he will speak?
he wonders if I will ever hear my son say the words... I love you
he wonders if he graduate High School?
he wonders if my son will ever get married?
he wonders if he will have a friend?
he wonders....
he wonders.....
it hurts for a while.
but then you realize the miracle, the miracle your son is here.
In a new Age and a new day dawning. Different but the same. the new crystal children are here.
Most in disguise..and some are Brave. blazing a trail.
you know, i often get a chance to wonder myself.
I wonder why most Autistic children have difficult time understanding conversation
I wonder when will people figure out that these Autistic Childen, are here for a reason, maybe we shouldnt try to make them blend in with Society.
I wonder why the sudden increase in Autism diagnosis. 1-55 Boys.
Imagine lining up 55 little boys in a row. and One of them will be diagnosed with Autism.
These children are here for a reason.
I wonder, are these Autistic Children real earth world mutations?
I wonder why Phoenix loves Hugging trees..
I wonder why Phoenix loves the rain
I wonder why Phoenix loves Shapes.
I wonder , how did he get so strong
I wonder why other Autistic children love me, one I met even calls me mama.
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